Everyone knows the loss of motivation. Previously, the eyes were burning, but now the hands are lowered. Familiar? As if the whole world turned against your goal. Then the meaning of what has been done is lost and you think: “Why am I doing all this?”.

There is no need to run away from these situations. They must be fought!

But first, let's find out why we love to give up so much. It happens:

• Because of the uncertainty of its purpose. The person doesn't know what he really wants. What is the end result of his work. So first you need to decide what you want and how you will come to it.
• Because of the lack of confidence in yourself and your abilities.

It happens that you meet people who constantly say: “You won’t succeed, it’s pointless, nothing will come of it, everything is in vain.” It is better not to communicate with such people and not pay attention to their words.

• Because of past failures. If it wasn't successful before, why should it be now? There are thoughts that the goal is impossible to achieve. Here you need to understand that the first time is not given. And take every mistake as an experience that has made you wiser.
• Due to the fact that they do not feel the result. Efforts are made, but the result is imperceptible. This is a misconception. The material result is the ultimate goal. At the beginning or in the middle of the path, it will not be possible to see it in any way.
• Because of disappointments. A typical situation of how expectation does not match reality. Be skeptical and think about real things that will actually happen, not what would ideally happen. -AND
• Because of the failures. Every failure is not a tragedy.

For every 100 "no" there is one "yes". And with each refusal, you are getting closer to the cherished “yes”.

• due to incorrect concentration. Don't focus on the problem, but focus on solving it. If you just walk around and complain, then nothing will be solved.

So why, after all, you should not give up? We've found 20 reasons why you should keep doing what you're doing no matter what.

You are alive

Life is the most important and valuable thing you have. And throughout life, you can achieve whatever you want. The main thing is to find funds and resources. It will work out great if you communicate with many people, go to exhibitions, visit new places in the city. Then there will be either like-minded people of the idea, or its sponsors.

Live life to the fullest and interact with society, communication will help overcome any difficulties.

Cities were not built on the first try

Therefore, you need to be realistic and understand that the goal will require a lot of time and effort. There is clearly no failure here. You need to follow a couple of simple tips:

• Get ready for problems. No need to put on rose-colored glasses and think that everything will magically turn out. There will be big losses and difficult decisions.
• Take responsibility for your actions and words. Serious goals require complete control of what happens and what is said. You can’t allow yourself to be superfluous if the position of other people depends on your decision. This is often the case with business ideas.
• Analyze past mistakes. Especially in order not to step on the same rake several times. Otherwise, you will waste your energy, but there will be no result.
• Don't expect to get everything you dreamed of at once. Break the path to the goal into several stages that you can translate into reality. And most importantly - set yourself deadlines and specify the result. You can not write on a piece of paper: "Have a slim figure." It is necessary to formulate more specifically: “To have a slim figure minus 55 kg by May 20”

The ability to stand your ground and not betray your intentions opens up great horizons for a person. You just need to push a little and you can see for yourself. Has it often happened that in a situation where it would be worth defending your position, you simply give in? We don't do it on purpose, it happens by itself, right? To prevent this from happening, you need to fight with yourself. For example, you are arguing with someone about important things, and then the person begins to put pressure psychologically. The body's first reaction is self-defense. I would like to quickly end this situation. This desire in yourself needs to be overcome and clearly stand your ground. At the same time, not paying attention to the increase in the tone of the interlocutor. In the end, you will be the person who wins the argument or ends it altogether, because there will never be a compromise.

Are you worse than others?

Remember the movie "The Pursuit of Happyness", which was based on real events, where the main character, without a job, housing and food, rose to a million dollar earnings.

Often we think that if you were born in the middle class of society in a family with average earnings, then you will stay there. It happens otherwise. Such examples are meant to inspire. Sometimes they seem unreal. But real stories confirm that everything happens, doesn't it motivate?

The world absorbs if it is not resisted and give up. Success is achieved by people who try to resist systemic thinking.

It is difficult for everyone, sometimes even incredibly difficult. Think of the story of cyclist Lance Armstrong, who got cancer and still worked hard and finished the Tour de France six times in a row.

Desires are material, and real power comes from within. Have you noticed how you can do what you love all day long, forgetting to sleep / eat? This state gives an incredible amount of energy. This is a good filter for whether you are doing what you love or just doing something mundane. Therefore, the choice of goal should be approached carefully, based on one's own desires and interests.

If others can, then why can't you? Everyone can build their worthy place in society. It's a matter of your self-esteem. Under no circumstances should it be underestimated.

To achieve your goal, you must:

• be confident in yourself and your abilities;
• constantly develop professional skills in order to be a worthy specialist;
• be at the center of all events related to the scope of your business;
• sensibly assess their competitiveness and competitors, if any.

You are stronger than you think

A few failures cannot break the spirit. The main thing is to find in yourself the desire to fight. To do this, motivate yourself, be inspired by examples from the life of successful people and be patient.

Every time you want to give up, remember what you can lose. And repeat that you are stronger than the circumstances and all that has piled up now.

Often we try to prove something to others and for this we can go even against our own desires. Prove to yourself that you are not a weak person, because the only weakness is to give up. Strength gives self-organization and self-discipline. This will help develop willpower. For example, plan everything that needs to happen. and stick to the plan.

• First, you will know what you expect exactly from today and what concrete results you should achieve.
• Secondly, at the end of the day you will be able to analyze all the mistakes using specific examples of situations and develop an action strategy in certain situations.

There are those for whom you can not give up

Family and friends believe in you and they are your source of inspiration and motivation. It happens that you lose faith in yourself and think that this goal will not bring you any joy personally, but it will bring it to your loved ones. Believe me, you're just exhausted and tired. You need to relax physically and psychologically, and friends and relatives will help with this. They will calm and give new strength to move forward. Feel free to ask for help.

Not everything is so bad

There are people in whose life there are many more bad situations. You're frustrated with a business failure, and someone is battling a terminal illness. You recovered, and someone lost a loved one. Think about it well. You have the opportunity to realize yourself, and the other person may not have it.

You are not sick with a deadly disease, you have two arms and two legs - already not bad. You think normally and know how to interact with people and circumstances - generally wonderful.

These are the things that we do not value and do not attach significant importance to them, but would be worth it. So while you can - you have to achieve heights!

The more success, the more evil the enemies

If you have envious or ill-wishers, then you are ahead of the rest.

Don't get hung up on what other people think. Someone else's opinion is bad subjectively because of human envy. Accept only objective criticism and only those people whom you really trust. You must be sure that these people do not want to cause harm or run you into another mistake.

Consider anger and hypocrisy in your address as a small success, because a person without ambition will not be envied.

you deserve to be happy

Every person has the right to happiness. And if for you it is to achieve the goal, then why not? You deserve to be successful. Put in the effort and success will come closer. Don't let someone decide for you. Otherwise, the whole life will seem the story of another person, and not your own.

Believe in dreams. This faith will inspire you. The more dreams you make a reality, the more fulfilling your life will be. Because a person lives from goal to goal. By embodying one, he moves on to another.

You will constantly strive for something and want something, such is human nature. Therefore, there simply should not be time to give up and get upset!

We need to take the bull by the horns and rush towards our dreams, because it is by embodying them that we become happy.

There are people who need your help

We often receive twice as much as we give. Caring for other people is energizing. Although the paradox is on the face, because we give our strength and time, and we have more resources. It's about emotional fulfillment.

It is positive emotions that make vital energy spring up, which gives strength to carry out even ordinary work with enthusiasm.

If it's hard, then you're on the right track.

You never know how close you are to success. Imagine that now is the last effort before success, and you are thinking about giving up.

Always keep the intrigue of victory. She comes at the most unexpected moment.

If you feel that you are having a hard time, take a break. And then go back to achieving your goals. Reassure yourself that easy goals are not interesting at all. Therefore, around the next corner of your great dream, a golden cup glistens.

Life loves to experience. Sometimes she does it with particular cynicism. Lose a job? Too little…
Deprive of work and love? Already better, but still not enough ... But to deprive of love, and work, and health, and even loved ones in addition - yes, that’s it, for a real test!

And she's not a villain. She is just life, which, like an observer, is watching, but can you, a person, go through all the difficulties and not lose yourself? Do not give up, but when you fall, get up and move on, without complaining about fate. Don't blame her for all your troubles.

Complicated. But tell me, is there something simple? To become happy, one must try, make every effort, and not wait for manna from heaven, but be the creator of one's own happiness. These are the ones life loves, even if sometimes, figuratively speaking, it creates a storm and a storm, when everything is blown around, when your life ship is about to sink. And it depends only on the captain, that is, on yourself, whether the ship will sink. This, of course, is a metaphor, but a person really has such life situations when you think that everything is the end. No, the end will be when a person dies. In the meantime, we are alive - this is the beginning, the continuation of the life path.

Let me tell you a story from my life. A young girl, an orphan, fell in love with a guy from the capital. He was flattered that she looked up to him like he was some kind of god. And she really fell in love. Not in his apartment, not in money, but in him, in the person who became the closest and dearest to her. They merried. She tried to please him in everything, forgetting about herself. All the best to Maxim.

There was no talk of any new clothes for myself, no cosmetics and trips to a beauty salon. Vera herself did not think about it. The main thing for her was to create comfort and warmth at home.

The sales manager left the company two years later. The headmistress suggested that Vera try to take this position, as she saw in her a good, responsible employee. And again she showed herself worthy. The company was doing well. Vera knew how to win over buyers, to persuade them to buy and conclude contracts.

Three years later, a new promotion awaited her. And a year and a half later, she became the companion of the very rich woman who once offered her the position of secretary. And together they opened a new business.

At that time, Vera was already living with her daughter in a good rented apartment, and was finishing paying off a loan for a car. Her girl went to a good school, was fed, dressed, studied perfectly. Now she could afford to get a loan for an apartment.

Somehow by chance, getting out of her car, dressed in an expensive fur coat, with hair and makeup, Vera ran into ... Maxim on the street. He looked unimportant. He grew a belly, not shaved, with the smell of fumes. It is difficult to describe his eyes when he saw the beauty Vera. She passed by like a queen and did not even speak to the one who once threw her into the street with a child. Like a kitten.

Sounds like a plot from a show? But no, this is real life, which proves that only without giving up something can be achieved. After all, Vera could give the child to an orphanage, and she herself would be contacted by the wrong company, which would not have brought her to good. But it was pure thoughts, willpower and perseverance that prevented her from going downhill. And fate generously endows such people, although sending them at the beginning of the test.

And here is another story from life. A good friend told me about it. This happened to her now husband. In the past, Misha was the director of a large construction company. Together with a partner, who was also his good friend, they got involved in the construction of a large complex. We found a customer, signed a contract, or rather, everything was drawn up in the name of Mikhail.

And ... then everything is in a fog. In the papers, the customer is indignant at gross violations, the fines are huge, and criminal liability also threatens for fraud. All money has been withdrawn from the account. By whom? And the "best friend" who ran away with Misha's wife, as they were, turns out to be lovers and cleverly planned everything. In order to pay off and not go to jail, I had to close the company, sell an apartment and a car.

Misha decides to move away from a large city, to a place where no one knows him, where there is silence and you can find at least some kind of hut, moonlighting as a watchman.

The choice fell on Balaklava. Crimea, the sea, the mountains - what a tormented soul needs.

He did not want to become a hermit, there he wanted to regain strength in order to live on. To get back on my feet and start over.

He did not drink, did not become cruel and cold. He remained a man, the former, sincere and kind, but not so trusting.

In Balaklava, Misha met local fishermen, one of them sheltered him in his garage. In the morning at dawn, they went out to sea in a skiff to catch fish, then sorted it, and took it to the market. During the day, he worked part-time on a skiff, along with a new acquaintance, the captain, arranging boat trips for tourists.

The sea, clean air and the belief that everything will work out helped Misha to perk up.

“Listen,” he turned to Alexei (a new acquaintance who extended a helping hand to him). - People order pizza at home, but what if we put up advertisements on poles and offer fresh fish with delivery? First along Balaklava, and then maybe along Sevastopol?

Alexey liked the idea and things went well. People learned about them by word of mouth and willingly began to use their services. So much so that Misha was able to open a small fish shop.

And during the next boat trip with tourists, he met Katya, who came to Balaklava on vacation from St. Petersburg. Talking about life, culture, art, walking around the Balaklava at night and ... they realized that they were incredibly good together. The next time, Katya came to Balaklava forever, exchanging the northern capital for life with her loved one in the Crimea. Now she works with Misha in his store and brings up a one-year-old son, who was born to them. They're happy.

The night is never eternal, the dawn always comes after it, and with it the soul opens, the wounds heal, and you feel alive again. You just need to wait and continue to purposefully go along your intended path. Stumbling but walking until the road is smooth again.

One of my acquaintances often says the phrase: “Yes, everything is in the wrong place for me, I’m already in the abyss.”

“You can’t, I tell him, think like that. So anger the universe!

And really, what's wrong with him? Think for yourself: he has his own apartment (albeit with his parents, but still), he is young, handsome, without obvious injuries, able-bodied, that is, he has two wonderful children (though his wife divorced him and took the children to another city), but to see each other in them it is possible and the main thing is that they are. Someone in general dreams of children and cannot have them because of health. He also has a job. He whines that the salary is not what he would like.

A person is often prone to whining, as if everyone owes him only that he was born. Not! It doesn't happen. Themselves through the thorns to the stars. And it's not easy to say, it's not easy to do, but they do it!

The most important rule when it is very difficult and it seems that there will be no more light in your life is not to think like that. Will. To not give up. Look for ways and exits. They are. Always. This way up is difficult and perhaps long, but it is not endless.

The second rule is not to succumb to temptations and not to indulge in all serious. Alcohol, crime are bad comrades. A bottle of wine will not help in grief, it will not solve problems. It will only dull the pain, and tomorrow you will want the same anesthesia, and the day after tomorrow, and so on. Where does it all end? Alcoholism? Only a sober, cold-blooded mind can solve the problem.

And do not think that if you were deceived, betrayed, then you will pay people with the same coin - deceiving and using. Easy money, dishonest money never made anyone happy. You will have to pay for everything ... And at what cost, you yourself know.

The third rule is not to scold life and fate. Do not say that she is unfair to you. Everything is given for a reason. Difficulties harden someone, they change a weak character into a strong-willed and strong one. For some, difficulties force them to reconsider their view of their surroundings and reveal the masks of people who have been called friends all this time. And someone, like Misha, is sent to other lands in order to find true happiness there.

Sincerely, Mila Alexandrova.

As Bismarck said, "Dreams without action are wasted time, but actions without dreams are a wasted life."

We all live in order to achieve some important goals for us. Some people like to travel, for others a career is paramount, others want to create something and leave behind.

Dreams lead us to set specific goals. Then there are plans, everyday affairs and tasks. And then there are actions. We get down to business and are ready to move mountains. But a month, two, maybe a year passes - and the goal has not been achieved.

We give up, lose motivation and doubt everything and everyone. And I'm not the one, and the people are bad, and the goals are unrealistic, and the techniques do not work, and all this is not mine.

How to enjoy the process on the way to success? Here are a few tips to help keep you motivated.

1. Environment has a strong influence

Try to surround yourself with people who understand you and share your values. Their support is important. If you want to achieve your goals and be successful, you must be surrounded by motivated, successful people.

Try this test. Take five people with whom you constantly communicate, find out their income and divide the total income by 5. The amount you receive will be approximately what you earn.

If in your environment there are only retired parents and a spouse without any special ambitions, what should you do? There is only one way out - to find mentors, coaches, trainers with great knowledge and fees and become their students. This is the only way to grow.

2. 10,000 hours for success

Spend 10,000 hours honing your skills to become a pro in your chosen field. Make a list of the skills you need to be successful. Find coaches, books, information on these skills - and go.

3. Know how to relax and rest on the way to the goal

I am for life to be high. If you strain all the time and constantly overcome obstacles, you can break very quickly. And if you allocate time for hobbies, interesting activities, then periodically rest. It's like the work of the heart: beat, rest, beat, rest. Effort is relaxation. Anything can be used as recreation: fitness, languages, manual work, travel, etc.

4. Be open to information

You never know what will come in handy and when. And your dancing skills, and oratory, and the ability to create with your hands, and your experience as a nanny, and accounting knowledge. Anything.

No skill is acquired in vain! The time will come when it will be very useful - know how to use everything you have learned for good.

5. Keep learning

To be competitive, it is important to constantly engage in your education. You can't make a good first impression a second time. The second attempt is more difficult than the first.

6. Know all sides of the business

Go into all the details of your business in order to always be able to adjust, adjust, make changes, and control the process.

7. No - depression, yes - timeouts

The path of growth and development has its unexpected turns. Learn to take a step back, relax and let go.

It is difficulties that make us strong, take us out of our comfort zone. And the most interesting thing: when we reach the goal, it is the difficulties and how we managed to overcome them that we will remember more readily.

8. Do not measure success only with money, status, regalia

Learn to enjoy a new acquaintance, acquired knowledge, interesting information. This is yours forever. A new title and status tomorrow may depreciate. Or maybe you want even "faster, higher, stronger." And a new race will begin.

9. Keep a diary of acquisitions and achievements

We tend to forget the good and focus on the bad. That is, practically nullify their achievements and merits. We decided to create a series of master classes, but the launch failed - everything is bad! And the fact that you went through two trainings to create the material, read and got to know three new authors, made acquaintances, improved your teamwork skills, pulled up your shortcomings - this does not count.

Life failed and everything is wrong? These were just pen tests. We will analyze and fix everything. But what has already been developed is worth a lot.

10. Compete only with yourself

Me yesterday and me today. What changed?

11. Just do something

When you run out of strength and motivation goes out, let go of thoughts about the goal and do at least something. Take a walk, eat your favorite cake, find the country you want to visit on the atlas, read the poems of your favorite author, dance, go to the store to try on a luxurious outfit or a diamond ring, write a letter to a fairy, to yourself, to enemies - whatever you want.

Do not fight with anything, but do just one action. See what happens. Then somehow tell me what happened next. Deal?

12. Constantly adjust your achievements

Stick to the plan and don't be afraid to make changes. Time is now - everything is changing rapidly. Be flexible.

13. Touch other people's lives

If you have the opportunity, participate in the lives of as many people as possible. With your words, deeds, support, open heart, awareness and involvement. We all need each other. We are all “fighting” for the attention of others. And we are either chosen or not.

Follow these steps and they will certainly help you experience a lot of joy and inspiration on your path to success.

Editorial

Between the words "success", "self-realization" and "destiny" often put an equal sign. Of course, somewhere in an ideal world, you purposefully and consistently achieve financial and social success, realizing your destiny. But in the real world, fulfillment and purpose do not always go hand in hand. How are they different? Look for the answer in the article of a psychologist Yaroslav Voznyuk: .

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step,” said the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu, and how right he was! No matter how big and grandiose your goal is, you can never achieve it without taking the first step. A psychologist and business consultant tells how to decide on this. Olga Yurkovskaya: .

Looking at famous, influential, successful people, it’s hard to get rid of the feeling that they were almost born like that. “Some are lucky,” you can sigh like that, reading the news about the next fantastic project of Elon Musk. But was his journey “of a thousand li” so simple? Journalist Olga Andreeva analyzed the success stories of people who inspire us: .

Life is life. Sometimes you fall into a deep hole and skid at its bottom with a torn heart, an empty wallet or a serious illness. How many do not try to climb back - it seems that there is no way out.

In fact, the exit is much closer than it seems. To cope with a difficult life situation, we need only one thing - specific actions. After all, they are the most effective tool for achieving results.

And if so, we will look at 2 ways to solve any problem with a 4-step action plan, two useful exercises and one tip to help when everything falls out of hand. We will start with 5 ideas that you need to realize so that you do not kill yourself once again and do not make the mess thicker than before.

What needs to be realized

• There are people with more serious problems than you. For example, children with terminal illnesses, parents who lost a young family in an accident, a boy who was killed in an unnecessary war. The world has not agreed on your situation, so you should not give up after the first defeat.

• Failure is a happy turning point. This idea can be found on the pages of Napoleon Hill's Law of Success. And it's true: a sudden illness, a business failure, or a broken relationship can sometimes save your head from even greater misfortunes.

• The advice to quit everything is the advice of weak people. Before you listen to someone, look at his standard of living. If it is lower than what you want, you should not waste time listening to another opinion.

• No matter what happens, no matter who is to blame, everything is in the past. Now we are facing a fact and we need to shift our attention to the present.

• Chopping from the shoulder is a good quality of a successful person, but in our case, too decisive actions can do harm.

What can be done

Here we come to practice. In general, the methods for getting out of difficult situations come down to one thing - to raise your “op” and. It seems to be simple, but how to do it if the whole body is exhausted and resists? You can try the step by step method below.

Method 1 - Solve the problem yourself

Step #1 – Cooling and Preparing

• First, as in all emergencies, you need to stop panicking. The fire has already flared up and even though it burns on the outside, you need to remain cold-blooded inside. So the brain will not waste energy on unnecessary emotions and save resources to solve the problem.

• Then, stop playing the victim. As children, we were often told that we needed to be responsible, and now is the right time for this.

  Take the helm in your hands to fully control the situation. Otherwise, you can quickly succumb to excuses like “I was unlucky, I have nothing to do with it, let him decide better, etc.”

• The next “half-step” is to find the foothold of your problem. When trouble arises, out of nowhere, a bunch of other difficulties pile up. And if the first trouble is "pulled out", then the rest of the chain of events will collapse by itself.

  Sounds promising, but it's actually true. From the solution of a complex problem, inspiration, a second wind, an increase in strength appear, and smaller problems are solved by themselves.

Step #2 - Reboot

At this stage, we must interfere with a sober mind. Here are a few options for how to do this:

• Gain strength, sleep, eat, rest.

• Recall your past victories and get a boost of motivation.

• Think about what this situation will teach you, what faith in yourself you will gain if you solve it. (Invaluable experience, strengthened fortitude, self-confidence - these are just a few consequences of the problem solved.)

• Gain strength of will and give up alcohol, excessive smoking, drugs. Stop being lazy, overeat, in general - do not feed the factors that spoil the psyche and destroy the body.

1. The first one is self-programming.(or affirmations). It consists in not recognizing the complexity of the situation, and telling yourself that everything is not so bad.

What happened, trouble?"It's okay, temporary difficulties!" How are you?- Great as usual! Try to talk to yourself and others in this spirit. (Looks like training sectarians, but if not overzealous, then such thinking is useful).

2. Consider what you believe: into themselves and their forces, God, world energy, a single wave shell, even into reptilians. Believe in it with renewed vigor. (Again, a little strange, but faith is a very strong feeling that can give strength)

3. Emotional release. Sometimes it is worth stuffing cuffs on an innocent pear or bursting into tears in a pillow. Simply throw everything out straight, without any affirmations. In this matter, your heart will tell you: if you want to cry, if you want to beat the dishes, if you want to go to the gym and exhaust your muscles.

It's bad that many people are used to restraining their emotions. To freak out, even if you are left alone, is somehow awkward and “not like an adult”, which is why the method is not suitable for everyone.

After the "reboot" you can go to the 3rd step.

Step #3 - Focus

When you are cold-blooded, and all emotions are behind, you can start the most important thing - switch the focus from the problem to its solution.

And here the most difficult thing begins, which 90% of those who read the article will not do. Why? Because we need to take action right now. We need two sheets of paper and a pen. Preferably it is paper, and not electronic media, the effect will be stronger on it.

We will do 2 exercises that will help free your head from the whirlpool of thoughts and structure your knowledge. After completing them, you will already have an initial speed and a foundation for a further plan of action.

Exercise 1

Describe all the resources you have: knowledge, things, connections, money, valuable information, experience, etc. These are your means to an end, in our case the goal is to get out of a difficult situation.

Emphasize which of these tools can be used to solve the problem. For example: the car- sell, Lech- collect debt Alexey Borisovich call and ask for advice.

If you have not found something that can help you, then your horizons are still limited. You are wandering in the dark when the answer may be just around the corner. Make a small column under the list of funds, and write there all the resources that you think you are missing (again, this can be money, connections, qualifications, etc.).

We have a picture in front of us could not fit entirely in my head. It remains only to work with it: use resources, seek funds, supplement with new knowledge. After that, we can move on to the second exercise.

Exercise 2

We take the second sheet of paper and arrange a brainstorming session. We write out absolutely all our thoughts into it: “I have problems and everything infuriates me; I think no one will help me; I should call and arrange, but I'm afraid.

That is, not just gotta do this and try something.” but all your feelings, experiences, ideas. All the porridge that is boiled and boils the brain must be poured onto paper.

Why is this exercise good? It materializes thoughts in a peculiar way. You had an impulse in your head, you had to keep it in your memory, save it, maintain your emotional mood, and now - here it is, on paper! The brain no longer needs to waste energy: constantly show this thought, associate a certain emotion with it. He can focus on something specific and calm down at least for a while.

That is why it is better to do these exercises on paper. Writing thoughts with your hand is a little different than poking them with the buttons on your phone. Imagine what it would be like if children in schools typed everything on the keyboard. Of course, they would learn quickly, but poorly. Here we have something similar.

Step #4 - Plan

Ideally, at this stage, you should already have 2 sheets of notes and at least a minimal idea of ​​\u200b\u200byour further actions. If you've completed all the previous steps, well done! This means that you are ready to work hard, and you will definitely get the desired result.

The simplest thing left is to write a plan and set goals. Carry them with you so that in a free moment, you always know what to do next.

Method 2 - Ask for help

In order to find a way out of a hopeless situation, you can go the other way. If you are lucky, you have relatives and real friends. Close people, if they are really close, will always help you in difficult times.

There are 3 variations of this method. We briefly discussed the first in the first paragraph - ask for help from friends and acquaintances.

Second variety: Look for those who have already solved a similar problem.

Believe me, among several billion people there is someone who is faced with the same life situation. Find this person. In his video, book or article, he can show the solution to your problem from his own experience.

Imagine that you are sitting at a round table and interacting with people you respect. Friends, parents, it doesn't matter. If you roughly know their character, you can imagine the advice they will give you.

Practice shows that many tips from the Internet simply do not work. Sometimes it gets boring to force yourself to read moralizing, to do some exercises, to overpower your character to the point of nausea.

Nothing works in this state. What kind of exercises are there, I would like to collect myself in a heap. In a word, stress.

The only way out of this situation is to disconnect from business as much as possible. Send, score, rest - call it what you want.

Why is this tip "super"? Because it reflects the real state of affairs. If you have completely lost motivation and lost heart, it is dangerous to finish yourself off! And you can finish yourself off with different practices, motivational speeches, constant reproaches, etc. With a complete loss of performance, these things will not help you and will only upset you. “I’m no good”, “Everything is gone”, “Nothing helps me anymore” - you only think about this after trying to overpower yourself.

So don't be afraid to drop things for a while! Yes, this condition can last for several days or even weeks. But the more time passes, the more the spring of motivation is compressed. At one point, you will get so tired of messing around that the spring will open and with great force will carry you back upstairs.

Conclusion

Finally, let's be smart: while everything is good, it's bad. When there is no desire to do anything, a person dies both physically and morally. So it's better to meet problems than to lie idly by and get fat on the couch.

That seems to be all! I would like to believe that in this article you have learned new ways to get out of a hopeless situation as a winner. See you soon!

3 remedies for helplessness

Fifty years ago, the American psychologist Martin Seligman turned all ideas about our free will upside down.

Seligman experimented over dogs according to Pavlov's conditioned reflex scheme. The goal is to form a fear reflex to the sound of the signal. If the animals of the Russian scientist received meat on a call, then the American colleague received an electric shock. To prevent the dogs from running away ahead of time, they were fixed in a special harness.

Seligman was sure that when the animals are transferred to an enclosure with a low partition, they will run away as soon as they hear the signal. After all, a living being will do everything to avoid pain, right? But in the new cage, the dogs sat on the floor and whined. Not a single dog has jumped over the slightest obstacle—not even tried. When a dog that had not participated in the experiment was placed under the same conditions, it escaped with ease.

Seligman concluded: when it is impossible to control or influence unpleasant events, a strong feeling of helplessness develops. In 1976, the scientist received the American Psychological Association Award for the discovery of learned helplessness.

But what about people?

Seligman's theory has been tested many times by scientists from different countries. It has been proven that if a person systematically:

Experiencing defeat despite all efforts;

Experiencing difficult situations in which his actions do not affect anything;

It turns out among the chaos, where the rules are constantly changing and any movement can lead to punishment -

He atrophies the will and the desire to do something at all. Apathy sets in, followed by depression. The man gives up. Learned helplessness sounds like Marya the Artisan from an old movie: “It doesn’t matter what it is, it doesn’t matter.”

I was told:

About unsuccessful attempts to get a job: refusal after refusal without explanation,

About a husband who could meet in the evening with expensive gifts, or with aggression for no apparent reason, according to his mood. (Nearby - almost the same story about his wife),

About the tyrant boss who handed out fines every month according to some new and illogical criteria.

From the outside it looks like there is a way out. Rewrite your resume! File for divorce! Ask for the boss! Do this and do that! But like Seligman's dog, a man who is driven into helplessness cannot even jump over a low fence. He doesn't believe in a way out. He lies on the floor and whines.

Sometimes you don't even need an abusive partner or a tyrant boss. Gelya Dyomina, a student on an internship in Korea, tells how a professor gave a class an assignment in one class. From the letters on the leaves you need to add the names of the countries. When time runs out, the professor asks those who are sure of their answer to raise their hands. And so time after time. By the last task, half of the students turned sour.

“After we decided on all the points, we began to check the answers,” says Gelya. - The right side had almost everything right. And the guys on the left didn't have the right answers at all. The last task (D E W E N S - Sweden) was solved by only two out of ten people on the left side. And then the professor says: "Here is the confirmation of the hypothesis." Two options for the test that we had appear on the screen. While the right group received a perfectly normal test, the left group had one letter mixed up in all tasks. It was impossible to get the correct answer in their case. All the salt was in the last question, about Sweden. It is the same for both teams. Everyone had the opportunity to get the right answer. But over the past five questions, the guys have completely convinced themselves that they cannot solve the problem. By the time it was time for the right answer, they just gave up.”

How to resist chaos? What to do if learned helplessness is already conquering inner territory? Is it possible not to give up and not give in to apathy?

Remedy 1: Do something.

Seriously: whatever. Psychologist Bruno Bettelheim survived a concentration camp with a policy of constant chaos. The camp leadership, he said, established new prohibitions, often meaningless and contradictory. The guards put the prisoners in situations where any action could result in severe punishment. In this mode, people quickly lost their will and broke down. Bettelheim suggested an antidote: do everything that is not forbidden. Can you go to bed instead of discussing camp rumors? Lie down. Can you brush your teeth? clean. Not because you want to sleep or care about hygiene. But because in this way a person returns subjective control into his own hands. First, he has a choice: to do this or that. Secondly, in a situation of choice, he can make a decision and immediately execute it. What is important is your own, personal decision, made on your own. Even a small action becomes a vaccine against becoming a vegetable.

The effectiveness of this method in the 70s was confirmed by Bettelheim's American colleagues. Ellen Langer and Judith Roden conducted an experiment in places where a person is most limited in freedom: a prison, a nursing home, and a homeless shelter. What did the results show? The prisoners, who were allowed to arrange the furniture in their cell in their own way and choose TV programs, became less prone to health problems and outbursts of aggression. Elderly people who could furnish a room to their liking, have a plant, and choose a movie to watch in the evening, increased vitality and slowed down the process of memory loss. And the homeless, who could choose a dorm bed and a lunch menu, were more likely to start looking for work - and find it.

Coping: Do something because you can. Choose what to do with your free hour before bed, what to cook for dinner and how to spend the weekend. Rearrange the furniture in the room as you like. Find as many control points as possible where you can make your own decisions and execute them.

What can it give? Remember the Seligman dogs? The problem isn't that they couldn't jump over the barrier. So it is with people: sometimes the problem is not the situation, but the loss of will and faith in the significance of their actions. The “doing because I chose to do” approach allows you to maintain or regain a subjective sense of control. This means that the will does not move away in the direction of the cemetery, hiding under a sheet, but the person continues to move towards the exit from a difficult situation.

Remedy 2: Move away from helplessness - take small steps.

Ideas about oneself “I can’t do anything”, “I’m worthless”, “my attempts will not change anything” are made up of special cases. We, as in children's fun "connect the dots", choose some stories and connect them with one line. It turns out self-confidence. Over time, a person pays more and more attention to experience that confirms this belief. And it stops seeing exceptions. The good news is that beliefs about yourself can be changed in the same way. Narrative therapy, for example, does this: together with a helping practitioner, a person learns to see alternative stories, which over time combines into a new representation. Where there used to be a story about helplessness, you can find another: a story about your value and importance, about the significance of your actions, about the ability to influence what is happening.

It is important to find special cases in the past: when did I succeed? when I could influence something? when did he change the situation with his actions? It is also important to pay attention to the present - here small achievable goals will help. For example, clean up the kitchen cabinet or make an important call that you have been putting off for a long time. No goals are too small - everyone is important. Did you manage? Happened? Perfectly! We must celebrate the victory! It is known that where attention is, there is energy. The more emphasis on achievement, the stronger the fuel for a new preferred story. The higher the chance of not giving up.

Way to Cope: Set small, realistic goals and be sure to celebrate when you achieve them. Keep a list and review it at least twice a month. Over time, you will notice that the goals and achievements have become larger. Find an opportunity to reward yourself with some kind of joy for each item you complete.

What can it give? Small achievements help to gain resources for larger actions. Build up self-confidence. String new experiences like beads on a fishing line. Over time, individual details will turn into a necklace - a new story about yourself: "I am important", "My actions matter", "I can influence my life."

Remedy 3: Another look.

Seligman discovered the problem, and devoted his later life and career to finding a solution. The scientist found that animals can learn to resist helplessness if they have previous experience of successful actions. The dogs, which were initially able to turn off the current by pressing their heads against the panel in the enclosure, continued to look for an exit even when they were restrained.

In collaboration with well-known psychotherapists, Seligman began to study the behavior of people and their reactions to external circumstances. Twenty years of research led him to the conclusion that the tendency to explain what is happening in one way or another influences whether we are looking for an opportunity to act or give up. People with the belief that “Bad things happen are my fault” are more likely to develop depression and a state of helplessness. And those who believe “Bad things can happen, but it’s not always my fault and someday it will stop,” cope faster and recover under adverse circumstances.

Seligman proposed a scheme rethinking experience and restructuring perception. It is called "Scheme ABCDE":

A - Adversity, an unfavorable factor. Recall an unpleasant situation that causes pessimistic thoughts and feelings of helplessness. It is important to start by picking situations that you rate no higher than a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10: this way the learning experience will be safer.

B - Belief, persuasion. Write down your interpretation of the event: whatever you think about what happened.

C - Consequence, consequences. How did you react to this event? What did you feel during the process?

D - Disputation, another look. Write down evidence that challenges and refutes your negative beliefs.

E - Energizing, activation. What feelings (and possibly actions) have evoked new arguments and more optimistic thoughts?

Coping: Try to refute pessimistic beliefs in writing. Keep a diary to record unpleasant events and work through them according to the ABCDE scheme. Reread your notes every few days.

What can it give? Stressful situations will always arise. But with time and practice, you can learn to deal with anxiety more effectively, not give in to helplessness, and develop your own successful response and behavior strategies. The energy that used to serve pessimistic beliefs will be released and can be invested in other important areas of life.

P.S. Safety

I am glad if you are now finishing the article, and a desire to act is already born inside. Please be careful in your next steps. It is important to remember that there is no single solution that will certainly suit everyone. A person and his life situation is more complicated than the most thoughtful and detailed scheme. Sometimes independent work gives the desired result. And sometimes you need to enlist external support and / or seek help from a specialist.

Please trust your feelings and take care of yourself and your condition.

I believe that in difficult circumstances we also meet with our own strength. The choice to read this article and try the methods described in it already means that inside there is a belief in change and the possibility of moving to where it is better. The possibility of a good future beyond today's circumstances.

Seligman's dogs had no choice. We have it. Let's choose will.