Yes, to say such simple words to yourself - I am beautiful, maybe not everyone. Moreover, such an attitude towards oneself is not influenced by the reflection in the mirror or the opinion of other people. The reason is simply that we do not know how to love ourselves and treat ourselves right.Just in this article we will talk about how to love yourself to a woman.
And this is really very important. Otherwise, many of our further actions on losing weight, personal growth, achieving happiness in, and so on, will be in vain. We simply will not be able to see our successes and be properly proud of ourselves in order to be motivated to go further.
We see the world around us and people through the prism of our inner world. In other words, what we are, is everything around us for ourselves. That is, if we have solid negativity and criticism inside, then it is not surprising that the people around us will be with the same attitude. And accordingly, we will not learn anything good from such people, and we ourselves will be a negative example.
Some vicious circle. But, no need to despair. Not everything is so bad. In our life, everything happens the way we want it and allow it. Therefore, there is always an opportunity to change something. Now we are not talking about the global salvation of the world and all of humanity.
Unfortunately, we cannot change the world as a whole, but we can change the world within and around us. We and we alone are responsible for ourselves and our lives. Dear women, everything is in your hands. You can be beautiful and happy. And for this, it is simply necessary for a woman to love herself, because otherwise you will not be able to love others.
1) Focus on the positive
Take a piece of paper and cut it in half. Write your positive qualities in one column and your negative qualities in the other. Be honest with yourself and don't be too lazy to set aside just a few minutes for this test.
Then carefully read what you wrote. Surely, you will find a lot of good things in yourself. This is where you focus your attention. Praise yourself for all the good that is in you.
Just cross out the other column.
At the same time, we do not want to turn a blind eye to some serious shortcomings that we can correct. We just won't kill ourselves because of them. We can fix or change, we take and change.
If you don’t like some bad habit, then develop a good one in its place. And if you don’t like being overweight, then it will help you Follow the link to the article and read all the most important things about proper nutrition. If you don't like your nose, it's not a problem. This could be your highlight!
Look at yourself from different angles. Perhaps our view of ourselves is distorted. It is not necessary to run to a plastic surgeon. You can accept some of your "flaws", even if they really are, and turn them into your highlights. This is what makes you special. You can love yourself not like everyone else.
2) Don't compare yourself to others
Compare yourself to yourself. Become the best version of yourself. Then you can understand how to love yourself, so special.
Do not be fooled by the opinion of the majority, it may also be wrong. You are not someone's copy or template, you are a person and you have your own individual characteristics. Always remind yourself of this. Love yourself. Think .
3) Praise yourself for achieving goals and praise even small successes.
Yes Yes. What's so amazing. We try to praise others, realizing that this inspires and gives an incentive to move on to success. We also need praise. Moreover, if we learn to praise ourselves, then it will be easier for us to sincerely praise others and not to envy someone's success, but to truly rejoice for others.
After all, if we envy others, then we can hate this person. And this will only destroy us and our relationships with people close to us. Only a person who loves himself can love others. Love yourself.
4) Stop constantly berating yourself for mistakes and failures.
Of course, you need to constantly improve and try to avoid mistakes. But we are all human beings and we can make mistakes. Therefore, it is important to recognize this and in no case be killed because of this. It's just important to learn to admit your mistakes and learn from them.
If you treat your mistakes and failures correctly, then there will be a desire to act, and not give up and become discouraged. A successful person is not one who never falls, but one who gets up and goes on. Love yourself, then you can forgive yourself and help yourself.
5) Surround yourself with people who make you better.
Remember the saying: tell me who your friend is, and I will tell you who you are? But it really is. It works. Our environment affects us whether we like it or not.
If our loved ones and friends constantly criticize us and do not believe in us, then our self-esteem and self-love will be at zero. After all, their opinion is very important to us, because we are so arranged. Therefore, minimize communication with people who do not encourage you to improve, but drag you down with their whining or criticism.
And if your friends are happy and successful people, then, of course, you will be happy too and will always strive for the best. You will be charged with positive energy and joy. And a happy person is a happy person. A happy person loves himself and those around him. This is the law of life. Be happy and love yourself.
How often do you look with envy at other happier women and try to answer the question why everything in life is so uneven, illogical, inexplicable.
Why one EVERYTHING, and you only miserable crumbs? At the same time, that other one is far from the most beautiful and worthy. At first glance, she seems ordinary, but she is LOVED, VALUED, WANTED. And your life, despite the hard work and efforts, still does not begin to shimmer with happy colors?
If a woman feels guilty, dissatisfied with herself, burdensome work, annoying loved ones, relationships with men are not going well, in a word - something in life is very unsatisfactory, it's time to START LOVE YOURSELF.
It would seem, and here one to another? What kind of self-love can we talk about when the problem is outside? A man lying in front of the TV or his absence, a job that does not bring pleasure, a feeling that life is passing by. For the most part, this is what happens! It is easier for us to find an external enemy than to look for problems inside.
How do women talk? It is necessary to change the job, the man, the environment. Many change. And what is the result?
For a while, it will seem to you that life is getting better, but very soon the problems will return. The new boss will start to find fault, the new chosen one will relax, new friends will turn out to be no better than old ones.
Why is this happening? Because, by changing the picture outside, we subconsciously act according to the old scenario, treat the symptoms, and not the cause of the disease, so we inevitably step on the old rake.
We are afraid to admit that the matter is in ourselves, because with this knowledge we will have to live on. But how? This is where the magic pill comes to the rescue - LOVE FOR YOURSELF.
There is another extreme: a woman understands that the problem is in her. It seems that he is trying to become better, develops, in relations with a man he makes efforts to make everything happen, but “for some reason” he does not appreciate it. Do you know why? The woman in these efforts, again, forgot ABOUT HERSELF.
What is self love?
Self-love is not narcissism, not inflated self-esteem, not selfishness.
Self-love is a positive SELF-ACCEPTANCE.
I'll explain simply. Self-acceptance is a state when a person accepts himself as he is, with all the advantages and, most importantly, shortcomings, without judging, without feeling remorse and guilt.
We contact the world through the prism of our own "I". Agree, if you allow yourself to tell a lie, for you the lie of another person will not become a mortal sin. You will be able to accept this fact, because you yourself sometimes sin like this. By accepting your own shortcomings, you are more tolerant of the shortcomings of others.
It turns out that the BETTER a person treats himself, the better he treats others.
If everything is so simple, you ask, why does not everyone manage to love themselves?
The answer, like so much in this life, is rooted in childhood.
Why don't women love themselves?
Reason #1 - Parents
Grains of dislike for themselves are laid by parents. All mentally normal mothers and fathers love their children. Out of the best intentions, desiring members of society, they scold, punish, forbid.
In these moments, their love is securely hidden deep inside, at the exit the child sees only dislike. Remember what you were called as a child:
lazybones
Hands grow from the wrong place
Careless…
It's no secret that everyone hears what they want to hear. The psyche involuntarily sets filters. A child from a lot of information begins, like a sponge, to absorb facts confirming unflattering reviews about him. As a result, he is convinced that he is not just NOT loved. They don't like him DESERVEDLY.
The black work is done. Without knowing it, parents lay COMPLEXES that haunt us all our lives, largely determining its course.
Reason #2 - I = Society
The second source of self-dislike is added during adolescence. A teenage girl begins to distinguish between the concepts of "I" and "They" and evaluate both them and herself. The evaluation logic is simple. Like in a cartoon - whoever praises me best of all, I will give him a big sweet candy. If others are friendly, tolerant, sympathetic, attentive to her, they are perceived with a plus sign. If they are aggressive, instructive, critical - with a minus sign.
The bottom line is that a person evaluates himself according to the same criteria by which he values others. Acting badly with others, one's own psyche evaluates oneself negatively and rejects. A person who acts negatively from the point of view of generally accepted norms does not love himself.
How can a woman learn to love herself?
Loving yourself is hard. Self-acceptance is not self-admiration, not the automatic repetition of "I am the most charming and attractive." This is a constant conscious activity over your thoughts, judgments, actions. But… Water wears away the stone.
1. Try to understand the reason for parental negativity from which you suffered as a child and continue to experience now. It has nothing to do with your personal qualities.
Parents were afraid for you and your life, ineptly coped with their own feelings. They felt bad. They need to be understood, forgiven and treated in the future as you would treat a person whose poor health, mental confusion, problems are obvious to you. Treat with empathy, understanding, care. Over time, your acceptance of yourself is guaranteed to increase.
2. Make room for the good
Write letters to the past. Parents, if there is resentment towards them. which probably caused a lot of pain.
In the first letter, you pour out all the negativity, resentment, pain, anger, claims, criticism. Unload everything from the inside onto paper. Then you crumple this letter and burn it.
Write the second letter with gratitude for all the good that this person gave you. For experience, for growth. It will not be superfluous to apologize for your imperfection. This letter can be photographed and forwarded to the person to read.
Often thanks to such letters it is possible that is gone.
3. Take care of yourself!
I never tire of repeating this phrase. A man does not appreciate a woman, a man “wipes his feet on her”, a man does not see the efforts of a woman, finds fault, annoyed? Take care of yourself, your body, appearance, your enjoyment of this life.
But not with the aim of taking revenge on a man or teaching a lesson. And for myself. After all, no one really needs us until we need ourselves, first of all.
4. Do good deeds for no reason
Give people compliments, find the good in them, emphasize it. Help those people who are not able in this life (already or so far) to help themselves (orphans, the disabled, the elderly). What for?
To realize your own value. That you are what you are now, useful to this world. And in general, the meaning of life is to make it better. Starting from whom? That's right, from myself.
5. Get rid of the environment of people who drag you down.
We are the arithmetic mean of our environment. "Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are."
I remember myself when I came to Kyiv from the provinces. Being an insecure guy, I strived for the best, for development. And there were friends, after talking with whom it became bad at heart, around whom I felt unhappy. Limit contact with them.
Surround yourself with people who are more successful than you, or those who strive for the best just like you.
6. Change your lifestyle
Hence, self-esteem, self-love will increase. You will not notice how one day you will forget that you once did not love yourself (as it was in my life).
Conclusion:
Self-love is something without which all women's efforts in the sphere of relations with men come to naught. Some women continue to accuse men of ingratitude and their imperfection, and some women have the courage to suspect that perhaps the reason is in themselves.
Get on the path to love yourself. I gave instructions above. I went through all of this myself. If I could, then you can too.
Thank you and see you in the next articles.
Write in the comments the first three steps that you will take on the path to increasing your own self-esteem.
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One of my girlfriends has no luck with men. Or rather, “bad luck” is not the right word. They just avoid it like moths avoid naphthalene. And this is all the more surprising because she is a pretty thirty-year-old woman with a pleasant figure and no less pleasant own apartment in Minsk. Clever, teaches at the university, dresses well, looks after herself - and once again complains in a cozy kitchen over a cup of tea: they say, there are no men around, and if they do, then goats and a natural disaster in one bottle.
I once again think: well, why are glorious, successful women, having passed all exams for building a career with excellent marks, so often get a complete “failure” in their personal lives? You look at the other one - the mouse is gray, and that's all, but it twirls its fans as it wants. What is there in it, since men peck like a pike on a lure? Well-known Russian psychologist and trainer Inna Chori answers the "eternal" women's questions.
Inna Chori is a psychoanalyst, sexologist, author and host of popular trainings to increase female sexuality and self-confidence. Author of the programs: “Psycho-sexual development of adolescents”, “Three-stage program: Secrets of Femininity, Placers of the night (sex techniques), Secrets of Scheherazade”, “Sex toys: fashion for pleasure”, “Women's power”, “How to please a woman (program exclusively for men)”, “Workshop Bitch”.
Received two higher educations (defectology department of the Herzen Russian State Pedagogical University and the East European Institute of Psychoanalysis). She is happily married and believes that any reasonable woman can do it. Her trainings are an incredible combination of modern psychology, oriental sexual techniques and educational methods of the Smolny Institute for Noble Maidens. And all this serves only one purpose - to make a woman happy.
Inna, why are smart, attractive, businesslike women often unsuccessful in relationships with men? The opposite sex really divides us into "horror, how smart" and "charm, what fools"?
When a woman begins to create a business, she learns to act like a man - aggressively, assertively. In business, without it, nowhere. She carries the same pattern of behavior to many areas of life. It is inevitable that those around her begin to perceive her in accordance with her behavior - as a man.
I still believe that the main sphere of realization of a woman is in the family and children. Of course, a true woman should have her own business: an occupation that brings her pleasure. It can also serve to make money. The problem arises when a business woman "forgets" to switch from a "male" model of behavior to a "female" one.
Do you want to do business for health. But get yourself a clear role switch. At work, I am a leader, a teacher, a leader, and at home or in relationships with men, I am woman. I am not afraid to express my emotions, seem fragile and weak.
Dear girls, the most important thing to learn is to be natural. Don't hide your strengths and weaknesses. If necessary, tell the man about your worries, anxieties and fears. For some reason, strong women often do not allow themselves this. And in vain. You don't see how easy it is for a woman to get everything she wants from men in life. Without straining, without breaking yourself, but simply with the help of sincerity, the ability, when you need to "be weak", not to go into a scandal, but to find workarounds.
Many "business sharks" in a skirt, who realized this, wonderfully married, created good families. But this requires a lot of inner work. You need to find that "little girl" that lives somewhere inside you - spontaneous, emotional, fragile, in need of protection. At my trainings, participants recall their childhood - in order to emerge from these memories, as in fairy tales, from a cauldron of rejuvenating water, renewed and harmonious.
Secret weapon: the image of the "blonde"
Sometimes you look: the girl is so stupid that she even takes anger. But the men around her and revolve
The image of the “blonde” yes, the very anecdotal one, is our powerful secret weapon. Do not underestimate them! And keep in mind: to be a “correct blonde”, you need a sharp mind and a lot of practice. If you don’t succeed the first time, don’t be upset - this, like many other things, can be learned.
Men are Don Quixotes by nature You just need to help them feel like knights in shining armor, rushing to the aid of a beautiful Lady. We, modern women, are so independent - well, just to the point of nausea. We will install Windows ourselves and hammer a nail into the wall. But let the men prove themselves - at least carry a bag with purchases to the bus stop! I say things so simple and obvious that it's even embarrassing. Meanwhile, many women do not even imagine what a stunning effect the entry into the role of "blonde" can give.
One of my clients after the Women's Power training decided to try the image of a blonde, so to speak, in practice. And in the purest, uncomplicated form. The girl has been driving a car for a long time, she is well versed in technology. She arrived at a gas station, approached the worker and, innocently batting her eyelashes, said: “Help me, please, I don’t remember where to put the gun.” Then she admitted: “I expected that they would look at me like I was a fool and send me to hell.” However, the effect was completely unexpected. Nearly half of the men present gathered around her! And the car was refueled, and entertained with conversations, and even invited for a cup of coffee.
Allow yourself to be frivolous sometimes. In response to an insane offer to break into a “burning” diving tour or make love on the roof, wave your hand at least once: “Come on! And how much of that life! Men in their hearts remain boys until old age - gambling, adoring "show off" And women? Women, on the contrary, often pretend to be strict "teachers". And what does it give? Remember the story of Malvina and Pinocchio? “Teach your spiderlings better,” said Pinocchio and ran away from the beauty with blue hair through the closet window. If a woman is a child in her soul, a girl with bows, the man next to her feels good and comfortable. They love those. These sometimes even leave the family, leaving the boring "teachers".
Put the man in the passport
Why do some offer a hand and a heart almost at every step, while others are stubbornly unlucky? Tell us as a psychologist: what fatal mistakes prevent us from “putting” a man not in bed, but in a passport?
The most important rule sounds paradoxical: if you want to be married, don't wait for it! Do not get hung up on this desire, do not strangle a man with your expectation. Do not let him feel that you are dragging him to the registry office "on a rope." He immediately wants to "break away" and run away.
There is no need to pretend to be indifferent. Just lower the value of the object slightly for myself. There can and should be other interests in your life. Go about your business, personal development, communicate with friends, go to the cinema and theaters, realize yourself in a hobby. Do not sit by the phone, like Alyonushka by the pond, waiting for His calls.
And do not bombard Him with calls, demanding an account of where he is and with whom. Even if you are jealous and worried - make an effort, pull yourself together! "Where are you? and “What are you doing now” are the scariest questions a woman can ask a man. They almost always cause a negative reaction: the partner feels that you are encroaching on the most sacred and dear - his freedom. Even a husband shouldn't ask such questions! The same can be found out in a roundabout way: “Darling, can you speak now?”
Create healthy competition around you. This is not about deliberately inciting the jealousy of a partner. But many women make a mistake when they decide: “I have a loved one, and now I don’t need any boyfriends, I will communicate with other men only when necessary.”
Live the life you lived - chat with friends, accept flowers from fans. This will allow you to be “in good shape”, feel beautiful and unique, and make a man make a decision faster.
Another mistake, paradoxically, is formulated as follows: "I will not be imposed on him, which means that I will be valuable to him." A woman has been agreeing to a civil marriage for years, not daring to talk about the development of relations.
Yes, you don’t need to get hung up on marriage, you don’t need to give it super value, but if after a year of constant relationship a man hasn’t asked you to get married, it’s time to think about it. If he tells you that he is not ready for family life - in most cases this is not an "excuse", but a sad truth. Think carefully about whether you need such a partner. Or maybe it’s worth ending an unpromising relationship?
There are many techniques for “squeezing” men, which nevertheless allow them to be brought to the door of the registry office. I talk about these techniques in detail in my trainings. To briefly express their essence - do not let a man guess how important legal marriage is to you. Just create a situation where he is required to make that choice.
The very, very important secret of female attractiveness and charm - what is it? What does it take to be a winner in life and just a happy woman?
Charm consists of many features: appearance, gait and plasticity of movements, the notorious ability to “apply oneself”, the timbre of the voice. All this is easy enough to learn. But the most important thing is the inner state of happiness. Carry yourself through life like a cup full of light. Enter a state of inner happiness, joy, admiration for yourself. This thought will shine in your eyes and maintain your proud posture.
See what's happening on the streets. Here comes a woman, her back is crooked, her eyes are on the floor, her face is extinct - she does not love herself, who can like her ?! Men respond primarily to the impulse of happiness and pleasure coming from a woman. Subconsciously, every man is looking for the one that can bring happiness and joy into his life.
My main task as a psychologist and sexologist is to teach a woman to "drug" from herself, and not to look for wrinkles on the pope and cellulite under a microscope. Cultivate an inner sense of your own exclusivity and uniqueness. Remember, you are your own value. And you will succeed!
For the first time in Minsk, Inna Chori's training "Women's Power" on May 15-16.
Tel.: (+375 29) 646-69-44 (Elena)
Details on trainingclub.by
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How to love yourself and increase self-esteem as a woman
How can a woman learn to love herself? Yes, so that everyone looks and admires you as something inaccessibly beautiful, poured out streams of compliments and admiration! And it seems that this is how it happens in life - you are beautiful, and people see it. I just want more love and attention, more and more. There is always some kind of lack, lack, inferiority.
And all because the desired - the beautiful - remains out of reach. No one is in a hurry to give you love and enjoy your presence alone. And you are left alone with your "beauty". How to become a truly loved and desired woman? How to learn to love and respect yourself?
Let's find out in this article.
What does it mean to love yourself and be a strong woman?
The most common advice from psychologists for a happy life concerns self-esteem. Yes, just what to do with it - it's not clear. How to raise it? How to say to yourself: “You are strong! You are not afraid of anything!” and believe it? Fear sits inside and is so exhausting that it seems that there are only enemies around. That other people are the ones you need to protect yourself from.
I don’t love myself, the woman thinks, believing that this is the reason for her fears and insecurities.
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains the true causes of negative states hidden in the unconscious.
I want to get rid of fear, calmly and confidently communicate with people, enjoy meetings, feel relaxed and free. To learn this, let's consider one of the vectors of the psyche, which is endowed by nature with a special talent - to experience the greatest amplitude of emotions. The vector is called visual.
Emotions are closely connected with the eyes: I saw a colorful dawn - "Beautiful...", watched a touching film - "Zhaaaalkoo ...", and tears from my eyes. The owners of the visual vector are the most amorous, emotional, beautiful, sensitive natures. The meaning of their life is only in one thing - in love. It is they who most often ask the question: how to love yourself and increase self-esteem?
Emotions are an asset of a visual person, and where they are directed determines the quality of life. On yourself - will be tormented by fear, uncertainty, anxiety. On others - there will be love, happiness, a beautiful and vibrant life.
How to start loving yourself?
When a woman asks how to love yourself, or a slightly different option - how to accept yourself the way you are, - in her heart she wants only one thing: that other people are drawn to her. After all, it is so important - to be needed, desired and loved by all.
When a woman with a visual vector can realize her innate emotional potential outward - to give love - people are drawn to her. They want to be close to those who love them. The owner of the visual vector is naturally endowed with the ability to create emotional connections.
Not I love myself, a I love - allows you to realize your natural talents, get maximum joy and happiness from their implementation. That is, when I direct feelings, emotions not at myself, but at other people, only then I create a happy life for myself.
The desire to love yourself arises from a lack of feeling love. True love does not arise in relation to oneself, but only to another person. It is enough to direct your properties, abilities, talents in the right direction - then there will be happiness, and communication, and great love.
How is the ability to express feelings developed?
An adult person differs from a child in that he realizes the properties given to him from birth for the benefit of society. In order for a child to develop fully, the most comfortable conditions must be created in childhood.
The beginning of the path of a person with a visual vector is fear: the first emotion with which he is born. Over time, as he grows up, he learns empathy. First, he sincerely regrets the plucked flower, then the cat, and then another person who is in trouble. It is very pleasant to love, and the child's soul with all its being reaches out to other people, outward, wants to develop into its opposite: out of fear - into compassion and love.
When a visual person “gives away” his emotions, this does not mean that he is left with nothing: “I am forced to give when I myself have not enough ...” - this is not so. When I create emotional connections - and this is the inner desire of a visual person - I get pleasure.
It is impossible to get love in yourself. If a person does not love himself, then he lacks love. This is very noticeable in life: no matter how much attention people pay, there is always little, you always want more. As a result, an emotional emptiness is felt in the soul, which makes one experience discomfort and self-doubt.
To learn to enjoy the return of emotions, the child needs absolute security in the family. It happens that parents suffer, experience dissatisfaction with life and break down in the family on each other. In this case, the child loses a sense of security and safety. Such an atmosphere is a reason for "getting stuck" in fears - the child simply does not have the opportunity to relax and release emotions outward, to experience the pleasure of their bestowal.
If in childhood there was always an atmosphere of threat, heaviness, hostility, then the visual child will enter adulthood, having learned to enjoy only the buildup of fear - the first and root emotion of the visual psyche. He will become an adult, but he will live according to the child model. This fact will not allow him to fully "fit" into society and reap the benefits of happy relationships with people. Questions will start to come up. how to love yourself and the like.
Every person is naturally endowed with the ability to justify himself with all his heart. You don't have to learn to love yourself. Problems arise when a person cannot love others, cannot live normally among people.
To truly love means to be able to receive joy from a sensual life among other people and be filled with it to the maximum.
How to fit into society and start enjoying life?
Society is like a dance. If you know how to fit into it - you have fun and joy. And if your actions are inappropriate, not consistent with a single rhythm, then you are constantly pushed and asked not to interfere.
The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan will not call you - love yourself! - it will teach you to truly enjoy life. In the modern world, there is no more effective way to solve psychological problems than realizing them as they really are.
Realizing the psyche, that is, one's innate desires, a person acquires the freedom to choose a new destiny, it becomes possible to live his life, getting the maximum joy from it.
Recently a woman came to me for a consultation. Outwardly quite attractive, makes a good impression. Therefore, the question she asked me sounded unexpected to me: “How to love yourself?”. I hear this question from my clients quite often. Moreover, almost every time I have to observe how a bad attitude towards oneself, self-rejection, self-criticism negatively affect people's lives, depriving them of joy and the opportunity to enjoy themselves and the world around them.
To love or not to love… that is the question!
I fully share the point of view that the better a person treats himself, the more chances he has to become successful and achieve his goals. Having a good attitude towards yourself increases the likelihood of achieving heights, for example, in the professional field. To love yourself means to be in harmony with yourself and the world around you, to feel confidence and your own attractiveness, to respect yourself and your desires, to carry a positive charge felt by the people around you.
Dissatisfaction with oneself deprives a person of the ability to enjoy life, often leads to a lowered mood or even causes . A person who does not love himself cannot love someone else, so a common problem for such people is , inability to build productive relationships with others, lack of friends. Self-loathing is often associated with , which is fraught with dissatisfaction with oneself, one's appearance, lack of faith in oneself, constant tension and a sense of one's own worthlessness.
What does it mean to love yourself?
It is important to understand that loving yourself does not mean being selfish. Self-love is a deep acceptance of oneself as a person, as a person, self-respect and a sense of inner well-being. Self-love in this sense should also not be confused with narcissism, which is expressed through empty narcissism and excessive demonstration of one's Ego to others.
The main desire!
As soon as you decide to change the attitude towards yourself and love yourself, the process of change will begin. However, this is not an easy job, and you need to understand that it takes some time. Love yourself instantly, with a wave of a magic wand, you will not succeed. Making adjustments to your appearance is quick and easy, but truly accepting and loving your inner world can be very difficult. The process of accepting yourself takes time, but how much depends only on your desire and on your readiness for change. So where do you start?
Take care of your appearance
Let's start with what, in my opinion, is the easiest to change and transform - this is your appearance. Very often, dissatisfaction with oneself is strongly associated with dissatisfaction with one's own appearance. Moreover, it can be both real problems and imaginary ones. Many shortcomings in appearance can be easily corrected by the right choice of clothes that suit your figure, the use of cosmetics, etc. It is important to keep an eye on your appearance at all times - you do not have to be dressed in the latest fashion in trendy clothes. The main thing is that it should be clothes that you like and add self-confidence, and your overall appearance is neat and well-groomed. Take the extra 10 minutes to iron your clothes, do your hair, apply makeup, and tidy your shoes before leaving the house. Use perfume, choose a pleasant aroma for yourself that will inspire you. Do not neglect accessories: a beautiful watch or a handy handbag will once again evoke positive emotions in you, uplifting your mood and adding self-confidence.
Your mood and way of thinking determines your inner content, and as a result, your view of the world around you. Dissatisfaction with oneself causes many negative emotions, such as irritation, anger, despair, etc. Tune in a positive way, learn to enjoy the little things and the world will sparkle for you with bright colors (I wrote about how to improve your mood in the article« »
).
Follow your thoughts. Cut off all the negative epithets that come to your mind: “I'm so ugly”, “I'm so fat, I'm just awful”, “I'm a loser, I will never succeed”, etc. With an effort of will, change these phrases to positive ones that add confidence and a sense of inner well-being, for example: “I am special,” “I can achieve my goal,” “I accept myself and love who I am.”
Move forward, don't stay in one place too long. Develop yourself physically (playing sports) and intellectually (reading books, training programs or refresher courses). Find an activity or hobby that you love that will inspire you and fill you with energy and pleasure. Praise and reward yourself for any, even the most insignificant achievements. Learn to appreciate everything in your life. Pay special attention to your strengths - use them as a support to achieve your goals. If it is difficult to find advantages in yourself, ask your friends and relatives for help. Ask them to make a list of your positives. I am sure you will be surprised by the result - others will surely find many advantages in you! Accept compliments and praise - this will help build self-confidence. Learn to treat criticism not as an insult, but as an opportunity to improve.
Accept your past
Very often, dissatisfaction with yourself can be related to what you are experiencing. for some mistakes or events in the past. Try to look at the events of the past not as a failure, but as an invaluable experience that made you stronger, allowed you to become what you are now. The very realization of a perfect mistake is already work on oneself, it helps to understand and become closer to oneself. But it is important not to dwell on it, but to move forward, taking into account the experience gained in my present and future life (I wrote about how to accept my past in the article« » ).
Listen to your desires
Allow yourself to do what you want and like. We are not talking about any illegal actions or asocial acts. I mean inner freedom, the ability to choose, listen to yourself, and not be led by others. When doing something, think: do you really want this? For example, when you buy something not quite necessary in a store, you do it voluntarily, ornot to upset the seller ? Or are you going to a party because you really feel like it, or just because all your friends will be there? There are things that go against your inner beliefs or values, and it's important to notice them. Doing something against your will or violating your principles, you experience unpleasant feelings (tension, anger, sadness, dissatisfaction). They may not immediately become noticeable to you, but as they accumulate, they bring a lot of discomfort and, as a result, dissatisfaction with yourself. Sometimes it is very difficult to distinguish your desire from the imposed one. In this case, it is necessary to develop inner sensitivity and the ability to hear your inner voice (I wrote about how to do this in the article« » ).
Surround yourself with nice people
Think about the people around you. How do you feel around them? Do they fill you with energy and positivity, or do they only cause negative emotions, feelings of guilt or fear, humiliate or suppress you? Do you understand how these people got into your life and why they stay in it for so long? Give up relationships with people with whom communication does not bring you any pleasure and satisfaction, with whom you are uncomfortable interacting. Or try to keep contacts with them to a minimum (if, for example, your relationship is due to functional necessity). This process takes time and requires effort. But if you set such a goal for yourself, you will definitely achieve it. Build relationships with people who inspire you, fill you with energy and positive, from whom you want to take an example and change for the better.
No need to look for a reason to love yourself!If you want to be a happy person - be one! Fill your life with positive emotions, good mood, pleasant people, bright events - and you will notice how your attitude towards the world and yourself will change for the better. And the world, in turn, will surely answer you in the same way.
I want to invite all women to a special one. It is about how a woman can love herself, become more confident, cope with life's difficulties, be in harmony with herself and the world around her! The training program "The ABC of a Woman" can be viewed.