The language of communication is perhaps the most remarkable invention of mankind in its entire history. It is largely thanks to language that man has become what he has become. We are all in constant contact with both acquaintances and strangers. At the same time, each of us from time to time has to communicate with complex, conflicting people. How to behave with them so that they do not spoil the mood? Below are 15 simple tips to help you respond optimally to conflict situations.
- Keep calm. Do not give in to provocations. Conflict can be prevented if you are confident and behave accordingly. Respond to attacks politely, calmly, and confidently. A calm response to aggression will frustrate any attack. If the interlocutor, despite your efforts, continues the dialogue in a raised voice, do not hesitate to remind him of mutual respect.
- Don't stoop to the level of those who are trying to provoke you. Do not take to heart the insulting words of aggressive people.
- State your argument clearly and concisely. Try to say only what you are sure of. Strive to explain your position in a language understandable to the interlocutor.
- Don't be afraid to say no. Do it tactfully and firmly.
- Improve your appearance. (Read more about this in our article). This will improve your opponent's perception of you and, as a result, reduce his desire to conflict with you.
- If someone annoys you with their behavior, ignore them, especially if their actions don't affect you. In such cases, you need to mentally say to yourself: "I'm not interested in this" or "So what."
- In the process of a conflict discussion, do not be indignant and, moreover, do not make excuses. Try to translate the conversation on emotions into a calm and logical discussion of the problem that has arisen.
- Before a difficult conversation, mentally set yourself up for positive.
- Everyone has their own truth. This must be accepted. Your interlocutor may not listen to you, disagree, and finally not understand. In a dispute, you need to look for common points, and this can only be done in a calm state.
- Be respectful of the interlocutor when you think that he is clearly wrong. Remember that everyone makes mistakes, including you. They learn from their mistakes, and often from their own.
- After some time, analyze important dialogues for your behavior in them: what was said correctly and what was not.
- Try to keep the dialogue measured. Both you and your interlocutor need time to think about the information received. Feel free to ask again.
- If the dialogue turns into a fight, try to defuse the tension with humor.
- Avoid discussing personal qualities in dialogue, use only facts and events. Evaluating someone often comes out of impotence, as the last argument in a dispute.
- Ending the dialogue is important. The words "goodbye", "I wish you a good day" and in general any words spoken sincerely will be useful.
Good and pleasant interlocutors for you.
It is difficult to remain calm in a situation where they want to deliberately piss you off. With a negative reaction to the interlocutor, you can make a mistake, while your emotional state will suffer, so you should not give in to anger and irritation. How not to lose your temper when provoked?
Take a deep breath and try to silently count to five or ten. Of course, this is difficult to do with heated emotions, but over time, this technique will allow you to control your state at the time of provocation.
Learn to breathe properly. When a person gets angry, his heartbeat starts to quicken. To bring your breathing back to normal, a few deep breaths are enough.
Try to answer the interlocutor calmly and laugh. Recall a funny story or joke, so you relieve your own tension and defuse the situation. Smile at your provocateur. This disarms him much more effectively than screaming.
Be wiser. Remember that you are the most intelligent, reasonable and serious person. Such thoughts help to suppress negative emotions and soberly assess the situation. Be gentle with what is happening.
Don't take your anger out on others. Holding back the rage when necessary, you need to vent it somewhere later. Buy yourself a punching bag. Beat her and take the anger out on her. This way you can keep your inner peace.
How to handle when provoked
If you put yourself in the place of a provocateur, then perhaps his problems will seem insignificant to you. Your troubles don't make sense to anyone either. person, you can provoke a long-term protracted conflict. Therefore, we must restrain ourselves and think about something abstract. For example, at work, think about what you have at home for dinner tonight, and at home about an upcoming business meeting or an unfinished report.
In your thoughts, imagine that you took revenge on the offender: insulted, hit, made another nuisance, but only in your thoughts. Get rid of the presence of your provocateur - go for a walk in the park, go on business.
How not to lose your temper when provoked - if you cannot restrain yourself, then let your aggression manifest itself in other forms. Do not shout or insult, but answer calmly and caustically in order to strike at the opponent's pride.
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Maxim Vlasov
Provocation is a very effective method of psychological influence on a person and therefore is often used by different people to achieve their goals. With its help, you can cause a rash, spontaneous reaction in a person, because of which he will begin to make mistakes. If you have ever encountered outright provocateurs, then you probably remember this experience. And I'm sure you didn't have the best impressions of him. And all because provocateurs force people to say and do things that they would never do, being in a calm, balanced state. However, this is precisely the meaning of provocations - to force you to do what the provocateur needs, but you do not need at all. Therefore, it is necessary to be able to recognize provocations, understand them and respond competently to them. We will talk about how to do this in this article.
What is a provocation
First, let's find out what a provocation is. In short, a provocation is a stimulus that is highly likely to cause the desired reaction in the one to whom it is directed. Literally from Latin the word "provocation" is translated as "challenge". And this is really a challenge for the one at whom the provocation is directed. Indeed, in order to competently respond to a provocation, it must first be recognized, and then find the right answer to it. It is very important not to react to a provocation, but to respond to it, that is, to act deliberately. And for this it is necessary to have [and if you do not have, then develop] self-control, so as not to let the emotions caused by provocation overshadow your mind and push you to erroneous actions.
A provocation can also be called a well-thought-out and purposeful irritant that awakens certain emotions and feelings in people and pushes them to rash acts. I repeat, to provoke a person means to induce him to such an action that he would not perform without an external stimulus. The provocateur anticipates the act of his victim, planning to benefit from it, which can be both material and psychological satisfaction. There are other definitions of provocation. But we will consider a provocation precisely as a challenge that you need to be able to adequately respond to.
What are the provocations
Provocations are explicit and implicit. A clear provocation is an open challenge, or you can also say “hit” on someone. For example, on you. You may be insulted, slandered, humiliated, they may doubt your abilities and even try to pit you with someone so that you react in a predictable way to the actions of a provocateur. Most often, the reaction is emotional, stereotyped, predictable. Therefore, it is easy for the provocateur to calculate the actions of the victim and he can only adapt them to his tasks. You can also be provoked with positive things - something to seduce, bribe, praise, elevate your dignity above their limit. In this case, already on a positive wave, you will perform such actions or tell such things that you would hardly have done and told in a calm, not excited state.
Thus, no matter what and how you are provoked, if the provocation is obvious, you will see and recognize it. You will immediately understand that a person encourages you to something, wants something from you, therefore he pays special attention to you and performs certain actions in relation to you.
As for implicit provocations, their peculiarity is that they are difficult to recognize and it is impossible to understand their goals. Implicit, hidden provocation is essentially manipulation. You are encouraged to do something, but you do not understand that you are being provoked, you do not see a provocateur in a provocateur, but a provocation in a provocation. This plays into the hands of a provocateur who may not be afraid of opposition from you. For example, a person can tell something about himself that he allegedly does not tell everyone. That is, he shares his secrets with you, trusts you, opens up to you. The question is, for what purpose does he do this? As an option, this is an attempt to talk to you, encourage you to open up in response and give out valuable information about yourself. Or he is trying to gain confidence in you in such a way that he will then persuade you to do something or get something from you. But if you don’t think at all about the reason and meaning of such a heart-to-heart talk, then you won’t even understand that you are being provoked. In other words, an implicit provocation is pure manipulation, with the help of which they can try to extract some information from you or induce you to take some action. Below I will talk in more detail about what methods of provocative influence are. In the meantime, we will look at ways to recognize provocation when it is not obvious.
How to recognize provocation
Sometimes recognizing provocation can be difficult. But this can always be done, there is to be attentive to everything that happens to you and around you. The first thing to look out for is discomfort. The feeling of discomfort always signals some kind of danger. Usually it is uncomfortable with provocateurs, even if you do not yet understand that it is the provocateur who provokes you in front of you. Such a person can annoy you, he can make you feel disgusted and you want to move away from him. This happens because the provocateur climbs into your head and soul without your consent, he tries to break into your psychological defense and circumvent your rational caution. Therefore, if you are not comfortable with some person, this is a reason to ask yourself: why do you need him to communicate with him? And an even more important question to ask yourself: why does he need you to communicate with you, pay attention to you and do something for you? These questions will be the beginning for you to recognize the provocation.
It is true that it also happens when you feel very good, free and easy with a provocateur. This happens when you are provoked through positive thoughts and feelings. For example, they can praise you very much, admire you, so that you, succumbing to emotions, do something for the provocateur as a token of gratitude, tell him something, give something away, and so on. Or they may offer you some kind of benefit, or an interesting idea that you will be delighted with. And then you yourself will do what the provocateur expects. It is important here to keep your head sober, remembering that people never do anything just like that. They do not tend to do good to others without special need. Therefore, you need to find out what is their need for doing well for you? So I suggest you think about it in a situation where you will feel very good with some person, especially with a stranger.
Questions are the main tool for thinking and finding the right information. With their help, you can not only recognize a provocation, but also correctly reflect it. If you are asked such questions that force you to disclose information that is undesirable for disclosure, you are likely to be provoked. Conversely, you yourself must be able to ask and ask questions that will allow you to understand the reasons for what is happening to you and in terms of the behavior of other people. Ask people what they want so you can get a rough idea of what they want. Do not be afraid to appear suspicious and cautious - God saves the safe. Try to ask questions more often, rather than answering them, communicating with other people in order to control the situation and show provocateurs that you are a tough nut to crack.
And the last thing I advise you to do is to calculate your actions. If a provocation is difficult to recognize, it can be found. To do this, you need to calculate the cause-and-effect relationships in order to understand whether it is profitable for you to do something or not. If it is not profitable, then it is likely that the one who encourages you to these actions is a provocateur and a manipulator. So by engaging your thinking and calculating the situation a few steps ahead, you can avoid unnecessary mistakes. This is not easy to do, I understand, because the future is not predetermined and any forecasts may turn out to be erroneous. But it is better than simply reacting to the words and actions of other people without thinking about the consequences of their actions.
In general, we can attribute many actions and words of people to provocations. For much in our interaction with each other can be called a stimulus and even a challenge. And many of the stimuli we encounter force us to act in ways that are not comfortable for us. Therefore, it is important to pay attention first of all to deliberate, targeted provocations, and only then look for a catch in what seems to be completely normal and natural. A provocation is all those actions and words of people that can cause you some kind of damage. This damage must be assessed before you incur it. With obvious, obvious provocations, this is easier to do. Remember that provocation is an instrument of struggle, enmity, rivalry, competition. Therefore, in some cases, provocation can be recognized by the clearly hostile intention of other people towards you. That is, when someone wants to take something away from you, get something from you, get around you in something, outplay you - look for elements of provocation in the behavior of this person.
Methods of provocation
Now let's talk about what are the methods of provocation in order to better understand the principle of their work.
1. Take the victim on the weak. This is a fairly common method of provocation because it is very easy to perform. Even kids use it. All that needs to be done to provoke a person with this technique is to doubt his abilities, his honesty and other qualities. A person will want to prove that he is not a weakling, not a coward, not a lazy person, not a fool, not greedy, not poor, not a deceiver, not a traitor, not a thief, not a murderer, and so on. And when a person does this - to prove, explain, justify - he will tell a lot of superfluous things and do a lot of things that are not necessary for himself. If this provocation is not obvious to the one against whom it is directed, then it becomes many times more effective. But even if people understand that they are being provoked in this way, they can still go along with the provocateur in order to show themselves to him or other people from the good side.
2. Raise a person. This is also a very good way of provocation. Seeing in a person who he is not [but who he would like to be], admiring this and highlighting it in every possible way, you can arouse in him a desire and desire to correspond to this image. Here it is enough for the victim of provocation to simply agree with the provocateur's opinion that he, the victim, is smart, courageous, generous, practical, responsible, modern, in order to fall into a trap. Since you are the way you want to see yourself and how other people see you, conform to this image and act as you should act.
3. Conflict. Conflict provocation is the most common and obvious form of provocation. Unlike manipulative provocations, this way of inducing people to take certain actions can often be recognized without much difficulty, but it is very difficult for many people to refrain from succumbing to this provocation. It's all about strong emotions - resentment, anger, hatred, fear, which are difficult for people to cope with. That is why the “divide and conquer” technique is relevant at all times. As life shows, it is not difficult to provoke a conflict between people by pitting them against each other. It is only necessary to evoke a certain emotional state in people and the behavioral reaction associated with it. If you anger a person well, offend or scare, then he will behave in a predictable way. And if this behavior is called at the right time in the right place, then some benefit can be derived from it. The point is to force an agitated person to make a mistake.
4. Temptation. A person can be provoked to rash actions and deeds by seducing him with something. Money, sex, status are some of the most commonly used lures to seduce people. For example, a lot of money or lack of it can provoke a person to commit a crime. A beautiful woman can provoke a man to cheat, and an overly persistent and cunning man, with the help of fairy tales about love, can provoke a woman to leave the family. The desire to improve one's status in society can provoke a person to betray loved ones. And the consequences of such actions can be very different, depending on who and for what purpose seduces a person.
5. Shame, guilt. You can make a person feel guilty and ashamed and thus provoke him to actions with which he will try to make amends to someone and correct his mistakes. This is a manipulative provocation, that is, as a rule, it has hidden intentions. However, sometimes a provocateur can openly demand compensation from his victim for damages, without hiding the fact that this whole situation plays into his hands.
6. Not tactful [provocative] questions. This is a fairly effective method of provocation. It is often used by lawyers in court and controversial journalists. A question not tactfully posed can prompt a person to tell the truth or make a mistake that will cost him dearly. After all, wanting to refute unreliable information, sometimes frankly false and cynical, a person gives out reliable information. Or his emotional state will become so unstable due to surging feelings that he will stop behaving rationally, will start to get nervous, worry, and will definitely make some kind of mistake. For example, a person can be asked about how long ago he stopped using alcohol or drugs, which implies that he once did this at all, they want in fact it may not be so. And if a person is inattentive to the question and begins to thoughtlessly answer it, with his answer he can confirm the fact of using alcohol or drugs, saying that he has not used them for a long time. That is, one mispronounced word can make him a former alcoholic and drug addict. Or he may experience negative emotions because of such a question and begin to show aggression towards the one who asked him it. And this will put a person in a bad light and people may think badly about him, including the fact that he is really a former drug addict with an unbalanced psyche.
7. Joy. What people don't do for joy. When a person is overwhelmed with emotions, he begins to behave primitively, making the most straightforward decisions. It is easiest for happy people to sell something. When people experience a storm of positive emotions, they don't really count money. The main thing is to awaken these emotions in people. This can be done in many ways. For example, look at how well various sales provoke people to make purchases, including unnecessary ones.
8. Deliberate delusion. This is a more subtle method of provocation, manipulative, with many variations. Its meaning is to deliberately be wrong about something, to demonstrate your delusion to the right people and thus encourage them to correct you or completely refute you. This allows them to do some work [work on proving you wrong] or get valuable information from them and generally allows you to attract the attention of these people. Thus, people will spend certain resources, succumbing to such a provocation and reveal the necessary information.
For example, I may not know the address of the person I need and do not want to ask anyone about it, so as not to arouse suspicion because of my curiosity. But I can deliberately give his erroneous address in the presence of people who, in my opinion, know him, so that they correct me and give me the necessary information. Or you can present such absurd information on any topic that it will greatly outrage many people and they will want to refute it, citing the information necessary for the provocateur as evidence of its fallacy. So, in particular, you can find out from what sources they draw information and what knowledge they have in a particular area. In some activities, such information about the source of information is of great value.
Social engineers often use this method of provocation to extract information from their victims. For example, they can call the owner of a bank card, introduce themselves as a bank employee and clarify the information they need on the card. But they will not just ask him about it, this can arouse suspicion, but they will give out partially correct information and partially incorrect information, referring to the fact that they lost the rest of the data due to, say, a computer failure. A person, not wanting to have problems with the card and the bank, and seeing that it is already partially known about him, will give the missing information to the scammers, after which money will be stolen from his card. This method of provocation has many forms and uses. The desire of people to point out other people's mistakes, delusions, lies, and at the same time to emphasize their awareness, is often used to their advantage by competent provocateurs.
9. Threat. Threats, both real and imaginary, are also a fairly common method of provocation. This is a more open and obvious provocation. The calculation is made on the expected reaction of a person to a threat addressed to him. A person in such cases can be very predictable. He may become frightened and give up his ambitions, he may make concessions, he may hide, run away, retreat, or he may show aggression in response. All these types of reactions may well turn out to be erroneous, inappropriate, ill-conceived and inaccurate, especially in cases where there is nothing behind the provocateur's threats. The result required by the provocateur will be achieved if the victim believes in the reality of his threats and is frightened of them.
10. Scandal. Dirty, but very effective and common method of provocation. Scandals are a great way to focus people's attention on some issue that they would never have paid attention to without the scandal. The main task of the scandal is to attract attention and, if possible, keep it as long as possible. In the process of a scandal, certain points of view on a particular issue are imposed on people, which they begin to perceive as their own opinion, and based on this opinion, people subsequently make decisions, perform probabilistically predetermined actions, for the sake of which a provocation is started. With the help of a good scandal, you can divert people's attention from the problems that are really important to them and direct their discontent in the direction the provocateur needs. Most people are interested in scandal because their cultural environment is replete with all sorts of scandals. Many people in conflict situations slide into a scandal, because they are not trained in a different way to resolve these situations. Therefore, this is an attractive incentive for them. On television, this method of provocation is very popular. All sorts of talk shows, where some scandals constantly occur, attract the attention of many people.
How to respond to provocations
To protect yourself from provocations, you need to respond competently to them. A competent reaction is not an emotional reaction, but a deliberate answer. And the first thing that can be done in response to a provocation is nothing. You just need to ignore it. Try not to contact provocateurs so as not to be influenced by them, and if they themselves persistently attack you, then simply do not notice them. A provocateur always counts on a certain reaction from you, he expects you to answer him. If this reaction is not followed, his efforts will be in vain. So the best answer is no answer at all. If you are not able to control yourself well enough to resist provocations, you need to work on yourself, on your own or with the help of a specialist.
In some situations, it is not possible to ignore the provocation. Even if you have strong nerves and a stable psyche, you still have to answer it. The fact is that others may consider you a weakling if you do not give a decent answer to the provocateur. For example, in prison, it is impossible not to react to some provocations, this is fraught with negative consequences. So you have to answer. But not the way the provocateur wants it, the way he plans for you to answer, but in a different way. You cannot react predictably, otherwise you will lose. Retaliate by provoking, remembering that in some cases the best defense is an attack. Provoke the provocateur so that not you, but he performs the first action. Since the conflict is still unavoidable, then at least win this confrontation. This will be a plus for you in the eyes of others.
Another good way to protect against provocations is unpredictability. Be unpredictable so that provocateurs cannot miscalculate you. If you act unpredictably, inconsistently, illogically for the provocateur, this can at least make him nervous, and at the most, give up his hostile intentions towards you. A provocateur wants to evoke a predictable reaction in you with his provocation, so you need to deprive him of this trump card with his unpredictability.
And most importantly - do not be afraid of provocations. Fear makes you immune to them. It is better to work out various options for your response to certain provocations in order to prepare yourself for them. Provocations are one way to manipulate you. But provocation is not always manipulation. Often this is undisguised aggression. You are being challenged by provoking you. Don't be afraid of him. There is still no hiding from provocations and related conflicts, since they are everywhere. Therefore, it is necessary to answer them, not to react, namely, to answer, deliberately and calmly.
Wherever a person is: at home, in a public place, at work, in transport, or even online on the Internet, he is inevitably at risk of facing provocations, an acute reaction to which not only stings a person, but also causes conflict situations. Provocations can have a wide variety of effects: to annoy, hurt “sore” points, anger, infuriate, make you suffer, etc. Is it possible to somehow protect yourself and your psyche from the harmful influence of provocateurs? Skilled communicators know these ways and easily parry any attacks in their direction. But are all of us communication professionals? Unfortunately no. And not everyone can and wants to become them for certain reasons. But be that as it may, the ability to repel communication attacks will always be a useful skill for absolutely any person. This skill will be discussed below.
To begin with, it is worth saying a few words about what a provocation is in general. provocation It is customary to consider any action, the purpose of which is to excite a certain reaction in another person. People who provoke others to these reactions are called provocateurs. And in most cases, provocateurs direct their “skills” to ensure that the one to whom their actions are directed loses self-control, control over their actions and emotions and, as a result, puts himself in front of the others or himself in an unfavorable light.
Sometimes even a not particularly sensitive person reflects on provocations, not to mention people who are more sensitive. But there are some very simple, but very effective ways to make sure that no provocation reaches its goal, and a person not only remains calm and unshakable, but also emerges from any sensitive situation as a winner.
So, first of all, you need to know: in order to become resistant to provocations of any kind, you need, firstly, to devote some time to working out your “weak points”, and secondly, to adhere to a special strategy in behavior. Both of these points are based mainly on the following five principles.
Understanding yourself
Almost everyone has their weak points. It is on the impact on them that provocative behavior is calculated, because. it "hooks" the person. Despite the fact that any interaction with provocateurs is destructive, it can be used to your advantage. Thanks to provocations, a person can get to know himself better, because. there is reason to think about why this or that behavior, words and actions of other people cause such a violent reaction. Often in this way it is possible to identify psychological and emotional. It is precisely the precise definition of one's most vulnerable places that makes it possible to strengthen protection against provocations. In addition, it is worth adding that the development of such qualities as the ability to observe what is happening from the side, what is called, the ability to slow down one’s psyche in order to get out of a state of emotional involvement, as well as the ability to trust one’s feelings, positively affects the strengthening of stability.
Identification of provocation
First of all, you need to pay attention to your own feelings. The usual reaction to a provocation is bewilderment, misunderstanding, indignation. In order to prevent these sensations from taking over your own, you need to turn on your own and turn it to what is happening at the moment. This helps to understand your feelings, calm your thoughts, free yourself from the influence of the interlocutor and realize that perhaps his behavior is provocative.
In addition, you need to pay attention to the intensity of your emotions. If, when communicating with a person, such emotional states as confusion, resentment, indignation, etc. regularly arise, then most likely you are faced with a provocation. When interacting with another person, it is important to understand the direction of communication: if it is constructive and aimed at finding a compromise and understanding, then there is no place for provocations, but if over and over again you are forced to react sharply emotionally, then you are faced with a provocateur.
The study of the provocateur
If a provocateur is identified in the process of communication, then the next step is to determine its type. In general, provocateurs can be divided into several categories. These are amateur provocateurs, power-hungry provocateurs and strategists provocateurs.
For amateur provocateurs the main "activity" is the observation of the process. Moreover, observation at a distance. These people are often influenced by their own emotions, because. are unable to control them. If suddenly an amateur provocateur felt that, for example, the point of view of another person differs sharply from his position, then he will certainly express this by projecting his aggression onto the interlocutor. Although, the expression of his position can be expressed not only in aggressive attacks, but also in tears, ignoring, etc.
When confronted with such a person, the surest way is to remove yourself from the situation. It's like a pendulum: it swings to hurt you, and you entered into resonance with it, but if you fail this pendulum, i.e. if you don’t react to it in any way, then its vibrations will begin to fade and after a while it will stop.
power-hungry provocateurs have a slightly different approach. Their goal is to gain a sense of their power, significance, control over situations and people. If the person with whom they communicate begins to react violently to their behavior, then for them he will be the “best” interlocutor. With the help of provocations, power-hungry provocateurs reveal psychologically strong and weak people. When interacting with such people, it is very important to maintain a neutral position: keep the tone of the conversation even, refrain from rash reactions, etc.
BUT strategists provocateurs These are people who, through the manipulation of others, achieve their goals. They can talk behind their backs, weave intrigues, gossip and do other similar things. If you encounter such a person, then you need to try to determine what exactly is his goal, and also whether his tasks are consistent with yours. If you can be mutually useful to each other, then you can play along with such a person in his game, naturally, without taking his side and without becoming a provocateur-strategist yourself. If your goals do not agree, then it is best to keep a distance from this person and carefully monitor what is happening.
Assessment of the situation
When confronted with any situation of provocation, it is not necessary to pay much attention to thinking about why this person behaves this way, because it can be otherwise; why does he need it, I don’t understand, etc. By doing this, we lose the thread of events and begin to "dance to the tune" of the provocateur. And in no case should you do this. Instead, you need to think about what strategy of behavior is worth pursuing. And here there are three options.
First is to clarify the intentions of the provocateur by asking him direct questions about what he wants. For example, the question: "Do I understand correctly that you want to provoke me to ....?" etc.
Second is the expression of one's feelings through simple and calm expressions of one's emotions. For example, the phrase: “It somehow doesn’t make me very happy that we don’t understand each other,” etc.
Third- the use of metaphors that describe the difference in positions. For example, the statement: “Our communication is similar to the communication of people from different planets, because ....” etc.
In addition, if someone from your inner circle is a provocateur, then you need to try to determine what he is guided by, choosing a provocative line of behavior. In some cases, both people can act as provocateurs, when the provocations of one cause the provocations of the other, and so on. In such situations, one must certainly leave aside his "I" and go towards the other, consciously yielding.
Choice of reaction
Considering that the main task of the provocateur is to disturb the emotional balance of another person and cause sharp negative reactions, the surest way to act will be nothing more than maintaining calm and awareness. Thus, a person can not only remain unshakable, but also cause an emotional imbalance in a provocateur, not justifying his expectations.
In order to prevent yourself from "boiling" you can do a few simple steps:
- Remember that your reaction is only your choice.
- Count yourself to ten
- Take a few deep breaths and slow exhalations
Any of these methods can “slow down” the human psyche and calm his thoughts, as a result of which he will lose the desire to respond to a provocation, which, in turn, will neutralize the attacks of the provocateur.
It is the choice of reaction that is the key point in the issue of protection against provocations. But understanding oneself, identifying a provocation, studying the provocateur, assessing the situation and choosing a reaction - all this is based mainly on observing oneself, the people with whom we interact and the process of interaction itself. Only knowledge of one's strengths and weaknesses and the desire to stop being manipulated by other people can protect a person from provocations and the occurrence of unwanted and even extreme situations in communication.
Hello dear readers! School ended a long time ago and it seemed that you would never meet a bully in your life. However, some people seem to never get out of adolescence and we still encounter an unpleasant situation in the office. What to do if you find yourself in this unenviable position?
In today's article, I will tell you how not to react to provocations at work that darken your life, and also give a couple of tips on how to act in no case is worth it.
Let's start with the last one. This is very important, since frivolous attacks and provocations over time, if you behave incorrectly, can develop into an open confrontation and.
What Not to Do
Ignoring the provocations of colleagues is incredibly difficult, but since people are in an agitated state and are not able to act logically, they act extremely recklessly.
Don't be aggressive
In a stressful situation, it is difficult to find a tactful graceful way to get rid of the “bully”, expresses his dissatisfaction or in some other way shows aggression. In no case should you do this, and here's why.
There are certain scenarios of life situations. , he subconsciously expects to receive negative emotions from you: aggression, fear. In general, he is trying to withdraw from, and you are acting exactly as he suggests. In this case, he feels like a winner (because he achieved everything he expected), and you are completely defeated (because you gave everything that was required).
Of course, these scripts need to be broken. Learning to control yourself is very difficult and I have a couple of recommendations on how you can do it, but first I will tell you about one more aspect that must be considered when choosing a strategy.
wedge wedge
Another elementary way to deal with a bully that immediately comes to mind is to start using the same methods - to joke, tease, respond witty, and so on.
To begin with, soberly assess your strengths. most likely has experience in this matter. He is witty and has honed his craft over the years. They don’t just become bullies, for this you need to get approval from others. It is difficult to surpass the "master". Getting rid of it is almost impossible.
With your behavior, you can take the game to a new level. The bully likes the attention of the public, and you warm it up with your behavior and therefore run the risk of not getting rid of, but even more interested in his own person. The two of you will cause laughter, attract the attention of the crowd and win or lose the argument every time. In any case, the bully will no longer lag behind you.
What to do?
benevolence
He understands very well what he is doing. If you decide to take a civilized approach and talk frankly with him, most likely he will begin to convince you of the opposite: “Yes, I'm just kidding”, “I don't feel any negativity towards you.” It is unlikely that the situation will change after this. Once again, you will show the person that he is the winner in this game. So that he stops getting it, you can start acting differently. A person manifests himself from the negative side, so crush him with goodness!
If a colleague teases that you are "eating again" - cook pies for him the next day. Present them in such a way that he thinks they are poisoned and is afraid to eat them.
You are told that you, scrupulously doing work, approach your opponent at the moment when he is most loaded and with a radiant smile that does not bode well, offer to help him or write a report for him.
It is very important in this case that the bully constantly doubts: he feels some kind of catch, but at the same time, to some extent, he feels trust. Otherwise, you run the risk of becoming that school nerd who gives his breakfast money to the offender, just so that he does not offend him.
Unfortunately, in addition to your abilities, much of the success of this strategy will depend on the nature of the bully himself. He may think that this is another indicator of his victory, and then your actions will bring absolutely nothing.
The best remedy
The best and correct remedy to help get rid of the enemy is to start