Alan development tools. Alan Fox

Alan Fox

Development tools. rules happy life success and strong relationships

Alan C Fox

People Tools

54 Strategies for Building Relationships, Creating Joy, and Embracing Prosperity

Published with permission from Alan Fox, Waterside Inc. and literary agency Synopsis

Legal support of the publishing house is provided by the law firm "Vegas-Lex"

Original English language edition published by SelectBooks Inc.

Russian language edition

This book is dedicated to Nancy Miller, who insisted for twenty years that I complete the manuscript, and to my wife, Davin, who shared all the joys and hardships with me for thirty-five years as I tested the tools of personal development on her and with her. And most importantly, this book is dedicated to you, the reader, and I hope and believe that it will make you happier.

Foreword

If you have not yet decided whether to buy this book, do not waste time on the preface - go straight to the introduction. Or choose any chapter and read. Each fascinating passage contains a useful nugget of wisdom gained in seventy-three years of well-lived life, full of insightful observations. But I must warn you: make yourself comfortable, because the stories told here will captivate you, and it will be difficult to put the book down.

My father makes a huge impression on many of his clients, colleagues and friends, and I have often thought about how this can be explained. Undoubtedly, part of the answer lies in his considerable success in business, which allows him to live in abundance, sometimes showing extravagance and generosity. In addition, he somehow manages to find time to edit a poetry magazine, oversee a charitable organization, keep in touch with an incredible number of clients and friends, read voraciously, attend many theatrical performances, concerts and sports, and travel around the world. different countries. It looks like Alan Fox gets more done before breakfast than most of us would dare put on our to-do list for the day.

But even if you take into account all his personal achievements and insane efficiency, I am sure that my father would remain an impressive figure in the lives of others. He treats people in his social circle in a way that seems to elevate them to a new level. I believe that much of my father's success in relationships is due to his skillful use of his ever-expanding arsenal of personal development tools.

Of course, I myself experienced their impact. For example, at twenty-eight, I got my first job that gave me a chance at a permanent teaching contract at Duke University. A couple of months after that, Hurricane Fran swept through North Carolina, where I had just bought my first house with an acre of land. He uprooted more than twenty huge trees in the forest on my site, severely damaged the roof of the house and smashed the multi-level terrace. I was depressed and did not know what to grab onto: how to clean up the site and at the same time continue the difficult work in a new place.

Hearing about these destructions, the father joyfully exclaimed: “This is so great!” I thought I misheard - did he not understand? But then he said: “Now you have the opportunity to learn how to work with insurance agents, architects and builders. There will be much more sun on your site, and after the renovation, the terrace will be exactly the way you want. My father's optimistic tone and focus on the future took me by surprise. But I must confess that his answer was very encouraging and was the first really constructive reaction I heard after the hurricane. This clearly manifested the essence of Alan Fox: optimism, practicality and wisdom.

Don't linger in the past and see every failure as an opportunity make lemonade) is a lesson I remember, even though seventeen years have passed since that hurricane. And a father's tool is to resort to contagious optimism, not to share the despondency ( smiley) has helped me more effectively support suffering friends and acquaintances ever since.

Back in my student years, I was a scientific assistant to an eminent psychologist, who later received Nobel Prize. I once asked this great man where he got the ideas for the many wonderful studies he published over the years. Did he search the literature to find gaps in evidence or ways to improve existing theories? “No, never,” he replied. “I'm like a writer of good novels. I observe people: their habits, behavior patterns, features - and on this basis I build hypotheses that I test during experiments. And only then do I return to literature to see what has already been done in this direction.

We have become too accustomed to stereotypes, trying to be perfect, setting goals incorrectly, not focusing on success and forgetting about strengths. Excellent rules for a happy life, success and strong relationships.

"Tools of Development" is 54 rules from Alan Fox, an entrepreneur who founded a company that owns more than 70 businesses in 11 US states. “Development Tools” is somewhat similar to the bestseller “45 Manager Tattoos”. Both of these books are based on the personal set of rules of accomplished people. Today we have selected 5 tools out of 54 for you. Very entertaining!

1. Drop stereotypes

As a child, I firmly grasped many ideas about how adults should live. This was the set of these rules, as if carved in granite. There were, for example, the following rules: a) A man and a woman should marry in their early twenties and spend every night together until the end of their lives. b) If people are praised, they lose all incentive to try. c) If you are too smart, you will be disliked.

Where did I learn these rules? From their relatives, at school from teachers and other children. These are the cultural stereotypes of my childhood. When I grew up, it turned out that these 10 rules did not suit me and I no longer believe in them. Here's what happened in my life:

a) I got married for the first time at the age of twenty-one. I have now been enjoying my third marriage for more than thirty years; I confess that sometimes I go alone with pleasure on business trips with an overnight stay, when, if desired, you can watch TV until late. b) Praise motivates, criticism discourages. c) Once people disliked me not for my intelligence, but for my unpleasant behavior and sarcasm.

Whatever your beliefs, do what your common sense tells you at the moment. Discard "truths" that might have been helpful yesterday or might help tomorrow. Because you can always change your mind.

2. Focus on Success: The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy Effect

Many years ago I went to a psychic: I was worried about three important transactions. The psychic stated that all three deals would fail. Let me stress that this was her prophecy, not mine. I reacted to it by deciding that I would be even more careful and pay more attention to each trade. My prophecy, which turned out to be self-fulfilling, was that all three trades would be successful. And so it happened.

I understand that hardly any of us want to be wrong and that it is easier to fail than to succeed. So when predicting failure, you may be right more often than when predicting success. However, I believe the real question is: which of these prophecies will help you achieve greater success? This is the purpose of personal development tools. And I want to be right every time as much as you do. I know I often predict myself to fail or be insecure. But my predictions of success also often come true.

If prophecies usually turn out to be self-fulfilling, I prefer to give them optimism. I would rather succeed than correctly predict my failure.

3. Enlarge the target

Any goal in life is a target. I want this job; I want an invitation to this party; I want to win this game. Often, when the goal is especially important, before your eyes it seems to shrink into a tiny dot. You can take a hard approach to the art of target shooting. The difficult approach is to train, train and train again, while risking more and more in ever-complicating conditions.

But there is another type of practice in target shooting that brings generous results - increasing the target. How can you increase your target? Just expand on its wording.

Instead of saying, “Next birthday, I’ll fly to Las Vegas with Bill, Terry, and Lisa, order a pina colada to my room, and win $5,000 on blackjack,” why not say, “Next birthday, I’ll have fun at glory!"?

There is a saying that is sometimes attributed to John Lennon: "Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans."

4. Use the 80% Solution Rule

Harvey and I have been in the real estate industry for over forty years. Some time after we met, a friend told me that he knew another excellent realtor and asked if he was interested in me as a potential replacement for Harvey.

I am always striving to improve my business and life, and therefore seriously considered this issue. I mentally made a list of Harvey's strengths and weaknesses and compared that list to my ideal. Harvey matched him somewhere by 87%. Not ideal (and who is ideal?), but close enough. After thinking for a few days, I called a friend and told him that Harvey was fine with me and I did not want to look for a replacement for him.

The red thread in my reasoning that led to this conclusion was the following thought: if a person is 80% consistent with my ideal, then I will maintain my current relationship with him and not spend a second thinking about replacing him. Then I added to this thought: if his “score” is from 60% to 79%, I can start looking. Below 60% - this person needs to be removed from my life as soon as possible.

I hope that the benefits of this approach are clear to you, because in life there is always a choice between alternatives. Is your husband (or your wife) perfect? If you have lived together for more than a few days - no. You shouldn't ask such a question. However, it is useful to ask yourself if it is good enough. If the answer is yes, then emphasize the positive aspects and downplay the less important negative aspects of this person.

5. Throw off the shackles of perfection

I was once an imperfect perfectionist. After several years of running my own law firm, I found myself hopelessly mired in perfectionism. Perfection came at a cost. I paid the secretary a lot to retype the letters until there were no noticeable edits left in them. My performance was not perfect because it took a long time to perfect. I have always been dissatisfied with the quality of work - both mine and all other employees. Because of this, the work brought us little joy. I hesitated. When I was given a new assignment—for example, the first time I had to certify a will—I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to do it perfectly.

By the time I was in my thirties, I finally recognized what must have been absolutely clear to everyone around me: although my goal was an ideal, I almost always fell short of it. I was a failed perfectionist. Oh no no no!

Now I don't strive for perfectionism. I am not at all against perfection, especially when I am flying in an airplane at an altitude of 11 thousand meters. But I know that there is more joy and results in my life when I use this tool and throw off the shackles of perfection.

Based on the materials of the book "Development Tools"

Current page: 1 (total book has 12 pages) [available reading excerpt: 3 pages]

Alan Fox
Development tools. Rules for a happy life, success and strong relationships

Alan C Fox

People Tools

54 Strategies for Building Relationships, Creating Joy, and Embracing Prosperity

Published with permission from Alan Fox, Waterside Inc. and literary agency Synopsis

Legal support of the publishing house is provided by the law firm "Vegas-Lex"

Original English language edition published by SelectBooks Inc.

Russian language edition

* * *

This book is dedicated to Nancy Miller, who insisted for twenty years that I complete the manuscript, and to my wife, Davin, who shared all the joys and hardships with me for thirty-five years as I tested the tools of personal development on her and with her. And most importantly, this book is dedicated to you, the reader, and I hope and believe that it will make you happier.

Foreword

My father makes a huge impression on many of his clients, colleagues and friends, and I have often thought about how this can be explained. Undoubtedly, part of the answer lies in his considerable success in business, which allows him to live in abundance, sometimes showing extravagance and generosity. In addition, he somehow manages to find time to edit a poetry magazine, oversee a charitable organization, keep in touch with an incredible number of clients and friends, read voraciously, attend many theatrical performances, concerts and sports, and travel to different countries. It looks like Alan Fox gets more done before breakfast than most of us would dare put on our to-do list for the day.

Of course, I myself experienced their impact. For example, at twenty-eight, I got my first job that gave me a chance at a permanent teaching contract at Duke University. A couple months after that across North Carolina where I just bought my first home with an acre 1
Approximately 4045 m2 . Note. ed.

Earth, swept Hurricane Fran. He uprooted more than twenty huge trees in the forest on my site, severely damaged the roof of the house and smashed the multi-level terrace. I was depressed and did not know what to grab onto: how to clean up the site and at the same time continue the difficult work in a new place.

As a student, I was a research assistant to an eminent psychologist who later received the Nobel Prize. 2
We are talking about Daniel Kahneman, winner of the 2002 Nobel Prize in Economics for his application of psychological methodology to economic sciences. Note. ed.

I once asked this great man where he got the ideas for the many wonderful studies he published over the years. Did he search the literature to find gaps in evidence or ways to improve existing theories? “No, never,” he replied. “I'm like a writer of good novels. I observe people: their habits, behavior patterns, features - and on this basis I build hypotheses that I test during experiments. And only then do I return to literature to see what has already been done in this direction.

Sometimes I joke that my father is a representative of "pop psychology". Not being a trained psychologist, but with a fresh eye, combined with the instinct of a novelist, he was able to independently draw several important conclusions about behavior. They are now backed up by compelling evidence from scientific research. For example, his observation that sometimes we provoke others to do things we expect ( self-fulfilling prophecy) has been experimentally proven by social psychologists. That prior actions predict future actions better than statements of intent ( belt buckle and habits are tenacious) has also been confirmed by research. Support in the scientific community has found ideas that rewards can be more effective than punishment ( catch people on good behavior ) and that we tend to overestimate how others share our values and beliefs ( parallel paths).

Several instruments are so observant that they encourage further research. For example, in the chapter on sunk costs the father remarks that purchasing a ticket for a tour should be considered a purchase of "the right to choose a tour", and not a purchase of the tour itself. This subtle psychological difference makes it easier to skip the tour if you make the best use of the time, a rational course of action. In behavioral economics, we call this the frame effect: people are more willing to give up an alternative when they see it as a foregone gain than when they see it as a loss. Thus, my father's idea of openly calling sunk costs "the right to choose" becomes an original self-management tool that, to my knowledge, has not yet been formally explored by researchers.

Personal development tools are useful not only to learn how to manage yourself. They can also be useful in managing others. A friend of mine who used to teach at Harvard Business School told me a story. Once there, they conducted a survey among graduates on the topic of what they learned most in this institution in life. According to the responses received, it turned out to be skills of interaction with people. My experience is the same: I have found that students usually come to business school eager to learn quantitative methods for jobs in finance, accounting, and strategic analysis, but they often benefit most over the years from the communication skills they learn in leadership or negotiation classes. They allow you to build useful connections, lead others and resolve conflicts more effectively. I myself include instruments created by my father from time to time in my lectures, and MBA students 3
Master of Business Administration ( English) - Master of Business Administration, a qualifying degree in management that allows you to be a middle and top manager. Note. ed.

And company leaders appreciate them.

There is an anecdote about how a rookie prisoner spent his first night in prison. When the lights were turned off, he heard other prisoners calling out numbers; to each of them the others reacted with Homeric laughter. The newcomer asked his cellmate what was going on.

- Well, we told each other jokes so often that now it is enough to call their numbers.

The intrigued newcomer shouted out:

- Twelve!

In response, silence.

There was only the chirping of crickets.

Zero reaction. The frustrated newcomer asked a cellmate why no one was laughing and heard:

“Jokes are good, but you still don’t know how to tell them.

Many of the tools for personal development have been repeated so often in family and among friends that a brief description of them will suffice for us. In the course of a conversation, someone may notice that habits are tenacious, and the others nod knowingly. or mentioned belt buckle, and the interlocutors smile in agreement. To an outsider, this may seem as cryptic as numbers for a beginner from a joke. But for those who are familiar with Alan Fox's tools, the names he gave them help to understand each other perfectly and recall useful conclusions about behavior. I am glad that my father is finally sharing them with a wide range of readers, and I look forward to seeing some of these names come into use by more people.

So what are you waiting for? Find a comfortable chair and start reading!

Craig Fox, PhD,

Lecturer in Management and Psychology at the University of California, Los Angeles

June 2013

Introduction
Names of your instruments

How powerful are the words of truth!

Bible, Book of Job, 6:25

Their villages often had no names... and if a war brought a person even close to his nameless village, his chances of returning were slim; he couldn't recognize her, and finding his way back alone was next to impossible.

William Manchester. A world lit only by fire

When we experience joy in life, do we need anything else? This is the most important sentence in my book, which is why I put it first. If you, like my mother, have already looked at the last page to find out how it all ends, then I will talk about it right now. The last sentence in the book is the same as the first.

When I was little, my family always started dinner at 5:30 pm. My father worked as a studio musician and recorded parts on the French horn. 4
brass musical instrument derived from the hunting signal horn. Note. ed.

For soundtracks from films by Walt Disney, 20th Century Fox, Paramount and others.

One day he began a family dinner with the statement:

– Today I proved that my fellow musicians are not sociable. During one of our ten minute breaks, I stood against a wall with my arms folded across my chest, and none of them came up to me and said hello. No one!

There was triumph in his eyes, but perhaps despair was hidden behind it.

Then I was five years old, and I did not understand why, standing against the wall, folding your arms over your chest and staring at one point, you do not prove that your fellow musicians are unsociable. You prove that people won't touch you when you put up a physical barrier and refuse to make eye contact with them.

Yes, I didn’t understand this then, so, one might say, for the next twenty years I stood with my hands folded on my chest, looking somewhere into space and proving again and again that others do not want to contact me. Dad, your system worked great. And it is still effective when I want to become invisible for a while.

By the age of thirty, I was tired of solitary confinement in a prison that I had built myself. On the advice of a friend, I entered the Department of Education at the University of Southern California. I firmly resolved to release my soul from the dungeon.

Gradually, I got out of voluntary imprisonment, but not in the way I expected. Now I understand that my original goal was to learn how to deal with people better, seem like a nicer person to others, maybe remove my hands from my chest and smile a little. At the beginning of my pedagogy training, I had no idea that I really only needed to implement a simple strategy of openness and honesty. This change was small, but almost impossible for me. I was a lawyer, and secrecy became second nature to me. I worked as an accountant-auditor and felt much more confident dealing with numbers than with people. I started my own law firm and real estate company, and the pursuit of success evoked more emotions in me than the pursuit of sincerity. But one close friend asked me then: what if you can’t live life the way you want?

I realized that I needed to open up to the world. I began to learn, understand, and master the keys to building fulfilling relationships. As a result, I not only became successful, but also get joy from life. Now I am sharing with you my ideas and knowledge accumulated over many years - those tools and techniques that I lacked so much in my youth.

Over the past forty years there have been constant improvements in all areas of my life. The success of my business has exceeded my wildest expectations; it became incomparably easier for me to find mutual language with the most different people. In short, today everything brings me much more joy than before.

So, at seventy-three, I am an open and honest person with gray hair, a small belly and a smile that rarely leaves my face. For over thirty years, I have used my education and broad experience in psychology, accounting, and law to develop and apply a clear mindset that I call personal development tools.

These are techniques that you can use to change your worldview. Collectively, they are like night vision binoculars through which you peer into the darkness of motives and actions - both yours and other people's. Tool know thyself helps you to know yourself better. Belt buckle will teach you to judge the true nature of people, including yourself, by actions, not words. A tool saving models will allow you to much more accurately predict the likelihood of your own or someone else's actions in the future. After reading this book, your life will change for the better. You will begin to understand yourself and all those who meet you much better.

Personal development tools have been invaluable in helping me build relationships, feel joy, and thrive. I have accumulated quite a few tools, and this book presents 54 of the best.

I hope your life will be easier and even more successful than mine. And if you have folded your arms over your chest, relax. Smile, open your heart, and let's get to know each other better.

At twenty, I considered setting myself the goal of becoming a billionaire; then there were only four of them in the world, and the richest was, as far as I remember, Paul Getty 5
According to the American magazine Fortune in 1957, the only billionaire in the United States was Paul Getty, the founder of the oil company Getty Oil. Note. ed.

I calculated how much I could earn each year, how much I could save, and how much I could get from the investments I was about to make. As a teenager, I watched closely as my father invested in apartment buildings. I calculated that if I devoted myself to money, I could become a billionaire at sixty-seven.

But I had doubts whether it is worth giving this financial plan almost half a century of life. I wondered if giving up family and pleasure was justified in the pursuit of money.

I remembered the character portrayed by Jack Benny, a great comedian who hosted a weekly radio show. Benny has maintained an image of a funny curmudgeon for years.

For the longest time, radio listeners laughed after such a scene: a robber approached Benny and put a gun to his stomach.

- Trick or Treat! the robber growled.

Silence.

- Trick or Treat!!

For the third time, very insistently:

- Trick or Treat!!!

And Benny finally answered:

- I think!

When I was twenty years old, I decided that money - even a billion dollars - was not worth my life.

And now, at seventy-three, I am happy to report that my present prosperity would satisfy almost everyone; But I'm not a billionaire and I'm not going to become one. I am able to pay for education and medical care for my family, and I can afford vacations even in unusual places, such as Antarctica and Easter Island. And the added benefit is that the money buys me time, which I happily devote to the relationship.

One personal development tool that I often use as an incentive is called hang a carrot. This whole book is a carrot that you hang in front of you. I hope that you will like its taste - the taste of new discoveries.

There is such an anecdote: a doctor, a priest and an anarchist argued which profession arose earlier.

It must have been medicine! - said the doctor. Otherwise, how could Cain and Abel have been born?

No, religion! the priest objected. “God had to create order out of chaos.

– Aha! cried the anarchist. Who created the chaos?

There is enough chaos and uncertainty in abundance, and I use the tool sunk costs so that my gaze is directed to the future, and not to the past; it helps me achieve the desired result - joy, satisfying relationships or material well-being.

You can try to drive a nail into a pine board with your fist, but it will work much better with a tool - in this case a hammer. And bruises can be avoided.

When I wanted to start a relationship with my future wife, Daveen, I could show her my expensive house with a swimming pool and a beautiful view, provide written testimonials from my parents, or wave a wad of money (fastened with a large clip) in front of her nose. But that wouldn't have made the right impression, and besides, I didn't want her to like my house, my parents, or my money. I need her to like me—the real me, scared and vulnerable.

I invited Davin to dinner. When we sat down at the table, she asked, “There were only two reasons that came to my mind why you could invite me to dinner. You either want to hire me, or you want a relationship with me. What is the real reason?"

Davin is always straightforward. Then, thirty-five years ago, I often worked in a roundabout way, but divine inspiration descended on me, and on the spot I invented an instrument especially for her. More precisely, specifically for himself, in order to neutralize her objections (“I don’t go on dates with my employer’s clients”) and win her over. I just gave her a whole stream of thoughts about why and how much I want to date her. Now we know it worked, and quite well.

You are already familiar with many tools and use them daily. For example, steak and its scalding: you probably understand that in some situations the form is more important than the content. Solution 80% How do you know if the person in your life is “good enough”? First "no", then "yes"- it is not difficult to answer “yes” if you are sure that you can say “no” if necessary.

Through the various ideas presented in this book, you will add useful new tools to your mental arsenal and update the well-known, well-established techniques that you use. With the concept of personal development tools, you will be able to apply your favorite methods more effectively.

One mother taught her teenage son to bake meat in a piece:

– Before putting the meat in the oven, cut off the ends.

Mom thought for a moment.

“Your grandmother taught me that. Let's ask her.

The son called his grandmother:

- Grandma, why do you cut off the ends of the meat when you put it in the oven?

Grandmother answered immediately:

Because my mom taught me that. Better ask her.

Mom and son went to a nursing home, where the 89-year-old great-grandmother spent her days knitting.

The boy asked:

“Great-grandmother, why do you cut off the ends of a piece of meat before you put it in the oven?”

The great-grandmother put down her knitting and smiled at the curiosity of her beloved great-grandson, and then whispered to him:

“Nothing surprising. When I started cooking many years ago, the oven was too small to fit a whole piece of meat. That's why I cut a la both ends.

Like the great-grandson of the joke, you may be re-evaluating your old tools in the light of new circumstances. And decide that sometimes it is better to listen than to speak; or act without delay; or, conversely, to delay the action.

The personal development tools described in this book will help you lay the foundation for continued building. The potential number of tools is practically unlimited. Plus they're free. You may well invent your own toolkit, tailored to your needs, choosing the most suitable and discarding the useless. You don't have to "cut off the ends of a piece of meat" just because you used to do it (or your great-grandmother taught you to).

Perhaps it makes sense to start with the imagination tool. Become receptive to possibilities. You are unique; your needs and abilities are different from mine. Your biography and goals are exclusively yours. Every feature offered in this book can be extended and improved upon; perhaps you will discard some tool that does not suit your personal taste or needs.

You are the world's biggest expert on yourself. After all, only you spent with you every second from birth to the present moment. My advice is to combine your own knowledge and experience with the ideas in this book and find, explore, and name the many as yet unnamed resources of your mind. In this way, you will add to your arsenal of tools to build relationships, experience joy, and create material wealth - in other words, build the life you dream of.

are 54 rules from Alan Fox, an entrepreneur who founded a company that owns more than 70 businesses in 11 US states. "Development Tools" is somewhat similar to the bestseller "45 Manager Tattoos". Both of these books are based on the personal set of rules of established people. Today we have selected 5 tools out of 54 for you. Very entertaining!

1. Drop stereotypes

Whatever your beliefs, do what your common sense tells you at the moment. Discard "truths" that might have been helpful yesterday or might help tomorrow. Because you can always change your mind.

2. Focus on Success: The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy Effect

If prophecies usually turn out to be self-fulfilling, I prefer to give them optimism. I would rather succeed than correctly predict my failure.

3. Enlarge the target

But there is another type of practice in target shooting that brings generous results - increasing the target. How can you increase your target? Just expand on its wording.

There is a saying that is sometimes attributed to John Lennon: "Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans."

4. Use the 80% Solution Rule

5. Throw off the shackles of perfection

Alan Fox

Development tools. Rules for a happy life, success and strong relationships

Alan C Fox

People Tools

54 Strategies for Building Relationships, Creating Joy, and Embracing Prosperity

Published with permission from Alan Fox, Waterside Inc. and literary agency Synopsis

Legal support of the publishing house is provided by the law firm "Vegas-Lex"

Original English language edition published by SelectBooks Inc.

Russian language edition

* * *

Foreword

My father makes a huge impression on many of his clients, colleagues and friends, and I have often thought about how this can be explained. Undoubtedly, part of the answer lies in his considerable success in business, which allows him to live in abundance, sometimes showing extravagance and generosity. In addition, he somehow manages to find time to edit a poetry magazine, oversee a charitable organization, keep in touch with an incredible number of clients and friends, read voraciously, attend many theatrical performances, concerts and sports, and travel to different countries. It looks like Alan Fox gets more done before breakfast than most of us would dare put on our to-do list for the day.

As a student, I was a research assistant to an eminent psychologist who later received the Nobel Prize. I once asked this great man where he got the ideas for the many wonderful studies he published over the years. Did he search the literature to find gaps in evidence or ways to improve existing theories? “No, never,” he replied. “I'm like a writer of good novels. I observe people: their habits, behavior patterns, features - and on this basis I build hypotheses that I test during experiments. And only then do I return to literature to see what has already been done in this direction.

Sometimes I joke that my father is a representative of "pop psychology". Not being a trained psychologist, but with a fresh eye, combined with the instinct of a novelist, he was able to independently draw several important conclusions about behavior. Now they are supported by convincing evidence obtained in the course of scientific research. For example, his observation that sometimes we provoke others to do things we expect ( self-fulfilling prophecy) has been experimentally proven by social psychologists. That prior actions predict future actions better than statements of intent ( belt buckle and habits are tenacious) has also been confirmed by research. Support in the scientific community has found ideas that rewards can be more effective than punishment ( catch people on good behavior) and that we tend to overestimate how others share our values and beliefs ( parallel paths).

Personal development tools are useful not only to learn how to manage yourself. They can also be useful in managing others. A friend of mine who used to teach at Harvard Business School told me a story. Once there, they conducted a survey among graduates on the topic of what they learned most in this institution in life. According to the responses received, it turned out to be skills of interaction with people. My experience is the same: I've found that students usually come to business school eager to learn quantitative methods for jobs in finance, accounting, and strategic analysis, but often the communication skills they learn in business often benefit the most over the years. leadership or negotiation classes. They allow you to build useful connections, lead others and resolve conflicts more effectively. From time to time I myself include in my lectures tools created by my father, and MBA students and company leaders appreciate them.

- Well, we told each other jokes so often that now it is enough to call their numbers.

The intrigued newcomer shouted out:

- Twelve!

In response, silence.

There was only the chirping of crickets.

Zero reaction. The frustrated newcomer asked a cellmate why no one was laughing and heard:

“Jokes are good, but you still don’t know how to tell them.

Alan Fox Development tools. Rules for a happy life, success and strong relationships

* * *

Foreword

Introduction Names of your instruments

Alan Fox
Development tools. Rules for a happy life, success and strong relationships

Introduction
Names of your instruments