Probably, all of us, one way or another, suffer because of the imperfection of our character, it is pointless to deny this if you look at yourself with an honest look. But after all, it is always possible to make sure that certain traits in the character, if not changed, then at least corrected. In this article on how to build character, I will give you some effective, time-tested methods of building character, as well as some recommendations for building character in a child.
How to develop a strong character
In fact, this is not difficult, but on one condition: you need to eliminate the main factors that prevent you from organizing your life the way you want. And these factors, in most cases, are the same: laziness, distraction and fear. It is laziness, absent-mindedness and fear that determine almost all the life problems of people. It may seem to someone that I forgot to mention bad habits. But bad habits are just a consequence of our laziness. Addictions appear when we don't want to put in the effort to reach our goals. But the most important thing is to get rid of these main enemies. That is why, for the education of character, we will consider methods of working with fear, absent-mindedness and laziness. Let's start with laziness. How to defeat her? There is only one advice here: just start doing something. If you can’t immediately change your usual way of life, start small, but ... at least start with something! What do we need to get results? That's right, work. We don't like to work, but we have to. You are reading this article, which means, most likely, you like to sit at the computer, surf the Internet: why not try to look for work on the Internet (now there are many options for remote work) and devote 3-4 hours a day to this work at first? Is it really that difficult? Believe me, even 3-4 hours of daily activity (even with a weekend break) will significantly increase your self-esteem - once, and bring some income - two.
How to develop character and will
Now about distraction and fear. To defeat fear, you need the same thing as to defeat laziness - overcoming. We are often afraid to change something in the usual way of life, which still does not suit us - a paradox. If you don't like it, why be afraid? Are you afraid of losing something? Why be afraid if you have nothing to lose? If you need to communicate for work, start small again - the other person will not bite you. It can be rude, yes, but, firstly, this rarely happens, and secondly, who is stopping you from cutting off the conversation and not listening, or simply sending such an insolent person away - and your mood will improve and save time. Are you afraid to look ridiculous and ridiculous? I will tell you a terrible secret: by and large, no one cares about you, and a person will forget these absurdities of yours many times faster than you will remember them. Don't care what impression you make - just do your thing. The dumbest fear you can think of is the fear of looking bad in the eyes of others. This is what needs to be eradicated with “fire and sword.” You can act in fairness, in conscience, according to your own understanding, but how many useful things were not done because a person was afraid to receive the disapproval of others. Remember: only you know what and how will be better for you. I have several examples of my peers who still depend on the opinion of their parents - they are afraid to argue with them, study and work where they want. And by the way, all unmarried or unmarried. Of course, there is both fear and laziness. Why strive for something when your parents will take care of everything? But parents are not eternal, and then what? No family, no children, no favorite work ... Therefore, drop these looks and build your life according to your own understanding.
How to shape a child's character
And here, in addition to fears and laziness, we will need to work with absent-mindedness. Absent-mindedness is not even so much a personality trait as an excessive concentration of the brain on untimely things. Please note: we scold children for being absent-minded and unable to concentrate on lessons. In fact, they are not scattered, they are focused ... but on something else. Therefore, it is important to teach them to switch their attention correctly, and for this, firstly, it is useful to explain to the child why he needs to concentrate. Well, the main thing is to motivate him correctly, and what is the best motive? That's right, interest. And here you have to prove yourself as a good teacher. Show the child how interesting this or that subject is, what this knowledge will give him. As soon as you hook him - there will be no trace of absent-mindedness - he will be incredibly passionate about a new business. Why not make studying interesting - now there are a lot of ways for this, the same Internet will help you. And now about another delicate topic - excessive love for your children. This does not mean that children should not be spoiled. You can, of course, but in moderation. You can’t satisfy any “want.” Do you know how wise my friend acted towards his daughter when she told him that she wanted a new mobile phone? He told her: "Baby, and you earn money!" And he gave her a very real task of writing several works on her favorite literature. And she wrote, after which he gave her money for a mobile phone. You can give your child any job (of course, feasible for him), let him write something or work in a store - it is important that he earn this money, only then he will learn to appreciate it and will not become a freeloader and a lazybones. I got used to living on everything ready and doing nothing, and even spoiling it by fulfilling every whim, every whim. Only in this way can character be properly formed. But then you don’t have to worry - your child will definitely settle down in life in the best possible way. By the way, various logical and outdoor games perfectly help with absent-mindedness - it’s good for the brain and health!
It is easy to imagine a person with a weak character - he constantly complains about life, but does nothing to change it, does not keep his promises, often because he does not know how to refuse, and all the time he is waiting for trouble. How to develop character and learn to think positively.
On sites dedicated to psychology, you can find many recommendations on our topic. Here are some of them.
1. Keep your word, always keep what you promise. There is nothing more unpleasant than idle talk. So weigh your options well before promising anything. If you understand that you are unable to fulfill the promise, warn the person about this and minimize the damage caused to him.
2. Learn to refuse. Don't be afraid to hurt the person you said no to. Understand that you cannot be good to everyone at the expense of yourself. And do not hesitate to think about your own good first. There is nothing to be ashamed of.
3. Don't complain. If something does not go the way you planned, do not feel sorry for yourself and do not cry, but think about how to get out of this situation than to help yourself.
4. Develop positive thinking. This means not dwelling on failures, but seeing them as useful lessons given to you by life, which makes you stronger.
Weak sides
Everyone has weaknesses. Some people can even make an impressive list of them.
So it could be:
- susceptibility to emotions;
- touchiness;
- natural laziness;
- shyness;
- timidity;
- desire to please everyone;
- indiscipline;
- disorganization.
To start working on yourself, psychologists advise you to make something like this list of your qualities that complicate life. Do not be afraid if it turns out more than ours. The list of weaknesses is as long as the list of strengths. Now choose from it 2-3 qualities that annoy you the most, hinder the development as a person and career advancement.
Two ways of self-improvement
Further, according to psychologists, two paths open before a person. The first is to ignore your weaknesses and focus on your strengths. The second is to focus on weaknesses, overcoming them step by step and thus expanding the list of strengths.
The first way is considered to be simpler. For example, you know that you have a sufficient store of knowledge in your specialty, are hardworking, responsible, besides friendly, know how to find mutual language with people. With such data, they could well manage, for example, a department. But at the same time, you cannot boast of organization and are embarrassed to speak in public. By choosing the first path of self-improvement, you emphasize your strengths. They become so obvious to your employers that at the first opportunity, you will certainly be put in charge of the department.
But what about disorganization? You will distribute work between subordinates and control its implementation, which, you see, is much easier than doing everything yourself, always afraid of not being in time. And constantly communicating with the team, you will not notice how you will gradually cease to be embarrassed to “push a speech”. Around same all their!
The second way is more difficult. If, for example, you are successful in science, but at the same time you are afraid of the audience, it is unlikely that you will succeed working with students. In this case, ignoring the fear of speaking is not a wise decision. You will have to work on yourself to get rid of the fear of the audience, perhaps even seek help from a psychologist.
When weakness becomes strength
Sometimes some of your weaknesses can be turned into strengths. Take such a trait as susceptibility to emotions. A person who is overly emotional, expressive, has a hard time both in the family and at work. A surge of feelings sometimes obscures the mind, deprives the ability to think sensibly and make informed decisions.
The main thing here is to learn how to control yourself, not to let emotions take precedence over reason. But emotionality is often accompanied by such strong qualities as the ability to empathize, charge others with your feelings, developed intuition. And by the way, one of my girlfriends, a journalist, has achieved success in her profession due to her heightened emotionality.
Don't be afraid to be honest
Returning to the beginning of our conversation, do not be afraid to talk about your weaknesses at the interview. A self-sufficient, mature person knows his worth and is not ashamed to admit his weaknesses. Because there is nothing shameful about it.
All people have both strengths and weaknesses. Only some prefer to remain slaves to their weak character. And others try either to balance their different qualities, or, by improving, to get rid of unpleasant traits altogether and, thanks to this, become free and achieve a lot.
Question from our reader Boris: More than once I heard about myself the opinion of other people who said that I was weak-willed. Tell me how to develop a strong character? Now I understand that when I was growing up, there was no example of a person with a strong character next to me, from whom one could learn. Is it possible to develop a strong character as an adult?
I'll answer your question right away, Boris. Yes, a strong character can be formed at any age., there would be a desire and understanding of how to do it. And now about everything in order.
Indeed, it is the character of a person that largely determines what his fate will be. In fact, character is a manifestation of the inner person, an imprint on the road of life of all his beliefs, principles, personal qualities, habits and external manifestations, everything that he managed to know and form during his life.
What is a Strong Character?
A strong character- this is the ability to steadily follow the chosen beliefs, life principles and goals, ideally, the laws of honor. Dumb thoughtless stubbornness has nothing to do with strength of character, but is just a manifestation of a person, his inflated ego and lack of awareness.
Strength of Character- is determined by the strength of a person's convictions and principles, strength of mind and willpower.
- The Power of Beliefs and Principles- this is a certain built-up attitude towards oneself, one's destiny and to the world around. For the Samurai, for example, this is the code of Bushido. For a Russian officer - the code of a Russian officer.
- Strength of mind- this, Valor and other strong qualities that determine the triumph of the spirit (spiritual) over the body (over the material).
- - the ability to patiently overcome internal resistance (laziness, weakness, desire or unwillingness) and external obstacles in achieving the goal.
More detailed about who a Strong Man is.
Respectively, Weakness- this is the absence of clear life principles, strong convictions and lack of will. Which often suggests cowardice, cowardice, dependence, the presence of other vices and weaknesses. Each weak-willed person has his own set of such weaknesses.
Weakness of character is often a consequence of spinelessness. About what spinelessness is.
How to develop a strong character?
A strong character is brought up either from childhood, as, for example, knights were brought up, from the age of seven. Or life itself hardens the character of a person, leading him through a series of difficulties, obstacles and trials. Either a strong character is formed in oneself by the person himself, working daily on himself, purposefully creating the necessary conditions for this.
But first, let's answer the question - how is it not possible to develop a strong character in yourself? It is not possible to develop a strong character:
- without leaving your usual comfort zone
- without overcoming their own internal weaknesses (laziness, fears, etc.), but indulging all their whims, desires and vices
- only in thoughts and dreams, one cannot educate the strength of character without going through real tests in real life
- without rhythmic training, without the formation of one's will and discipline. Character is trained only by regularity of effort
- without self-respect and inner dignity. On pride and arrogance or in the role of insignificance, true character will not grow
- without struggle in life and overcoming some external barriers. When everything goes smoothly and everything goes into your own hands, a strong character is not particularly needed.
- no significant motivation. A truly strong character develops only when there is a worthy meaningful goal.
- on self-violence. Distinguish between violence and discipline
So, what you need to do to develop a strong character:
1. A strong character is formed by working on one's convictions, cultivating the strength of the Spirit and willpower. For more information and instructions on how to do this, read the relevant articles:
2. Character is brought up not on paper and not in the mind, but in real life. Therefore, first of all, decide on your life goals, the achievement of which will require you to have a strong character and powerful personal qualities.
3. Be sure to define for yourself an occupation that will require you to constantly overcome your weaknesses. For example, take up martial arts or some other sport.
4. One of the foundations of a strong character is a powerful invulnerable one: self-confidence and self-esteem. Instructions here:
5. Live examples and images always help. Find yourself an example - historical figure or a movie character you would like to be like in character. Visualize your goal. To feel the necessary image as much as possible - soak up the impressions - watch relevant films about strong and worthy people (about knights and warriors), read books with suitable heroes.
6. A strong character is also the ability to control oneself, tame one's passions, control one's desires and emotions. Read more:
Most people ask how to develop willpower and character, not understanding why and for what they need all this. This is mainly useful for those who are engaged in self-development or who want to overcome fear, problems and difficulties in themselves, for example, to stop drinking and smoking.
There are many methods, psychologists have chosen only proven and most effective ones that will help you in a short time to develop willpower and character in yourself, the main thing is to have a desire.
How to develop willpower
Engage in a hobby, job or hobby
It is impossible to cultivate willpower and character in oneself just like that, without a specific goal. When you start looking for yourself in life, your mission and purpose, then in this process, willpower and character are brought up by themselves. Just find your favorite job, business or passion and do it regularly, devotedly and with pleasure.
Those who go to unloved jobs will never develop willpower for willpower, it is pointless and will only harm you and your health. Love what you are doing and everything will work out, becausehobby or job.
Go in for sports
Psychologists have found out that sport is the best method to build character and willpower in itself, in a short time. But you don’t need the first big loads, it’s unhealthy, start small and gradually increase the load in order to reach new records every day. Sport not only builds character and will, it improves health and physical fitness, which is important in our informational, sedentary age.
How to cultivate willpower in yourself
Create a dream, set a goal
Basically, weak-willed people are those who do not have their own dreams or goals, such people live without the meaning of life and purpose, because of this they do not develop and do not want to do anything. You need to set a big goal or create a dream as early as possible in order to strive for it for a long time, thereby developing your character and willpower. Understand what you like in life, what you want, who to become, where and how to live. Your created goal will be your guide if your thoughts are constantly focused on achieving the goal.
Engage in self-development
Self-development is useful not only for the development of character and strength will but also for personal growth and improvement. As you improve and develop, you feel better, your self-esteem increases, and you gain incredible self-confidence, which will help you to be strong in mind and body. Self-development includes a lot, but the most important thing is to get rid of bad habits, start leading a healthy lifestyle, go in for sports, read books and, most importantly, do what you love.
Constantly improve and conquer yourself
Movement is life, so you need to be a participant in this movement, not a spectator. Take all the responsibility that is happening around you, you are the owner and creator of your life. Life is the pursuit of happiness, because there has not yet been a person in the world who would be happy just sitting at home and doing nothing. Decide, as most people spend a lot of time and money on things they don't really need. This will be your first task, to test your willpower, give up your weakness, buy unnecessary things and see the level of your willpower and character.
How to educate willpower and character
Impossible acquire willpower or wait until it manifests itself in your character. You can only cultivate willpower. But many, when they find out that this is hard work, give up immediately, without even trying to do something for this. Such people who give up quickly are very weak. And if they gave up before starting the path, then cultivating willpower for them would be an impossible process.
Willpower cannot be found by simply taking and sorting through everything in your head. Willpower is like a part of self-discipline, connecting your habits with your mind.
Many do not want to cultivate willpower for only one reason - they believe that willpower is a kind of restriction of freedom, which comes to driving oneself into the frame. How wrong they are! To have willpower, not to obey your animal instincts, to coordinate all your actions with the mind - this is what real freedom, unshakable discipline, breaking the stereotypes that a person is a slave of his body and his instincts. These and similar phrases are just excuses of weak personalities who are not worthy of being called personalities.
If on time develop willpower , you will get rid of all harmful and not harmful, at first glance, habits that prevent you from fulfilling your dreams and desires, achieving your goals. Remember how many times you promised yourself to quit smoking and how many Mondays were the beginning of a diet, a new life?
How to cultivate willpower in a child without harming the nervous system?
Be prepared from the outset for work, for daily work on yourself. You must be aware that developing willpower is not an easy task, but it will be rewarded to you over time.
Understand that the body is guided by momentary desire. If the body wants something, you must immediately give it to it. For example, food, water. When you connect your mind to your body, make your brain work, do everything consciously, most habits will seem useless, unnecessary, and only bring harm to your life. You yourself will understand that you need to get rid of them as soon as possible.
How to cultivate willpower to lose weight if I am weak-willed?
There are no weak people. There are only fools and lazy people. But this can also be fixed. And, if you have thought about how to develop willpower, you are no longer a fool. The point is small - to start changing yourself.
Make a plan (not for life, but, say, for this week) and strictly follow it. Give yourself a word that this time you will manage, because you do not want to be a slave to your body, which requires you to follow its animal instincts.
Difficulties are the best way to temper the character, the users of The Question project are sure. “At least the most important condition is to leave your comfort zone,” says Dmitry Richter. - Usually, strong people overcame such barriers and experienced such events that we could not even dream of.
“You never really get a taste of success if it comes too easy,” confirms Elisabeth Lutes. Also, do not blame others for your failures and failures, but accept them with your head held high.
2. Read books
Users recommend reading books of completely different genres. Autobiographies - to learn from the experience of great people, strong in spirit. Fiction- to develop imagination and play difficult situations that may ever happen to you. And books on self-development - to get motivated and learn useful psychological techniques.
Dmitry Sergeyev offered a list of three main, in his opinion, works: Robin Sharma "The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari", Dale Carnegie "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" and Stephen Covey "7 Habits of Highly Effective People".
3. Have an opinion
Strong and mature personalities are not afraid to express their opinion, even if it is very different from the generally accepted one. In addition, they adhere to their own views, despite criticism. “In our century, people themselves become slaves to other people's opinions, so it is very difficult to maintain individuality of thinking. Learn to get rid of other people's opinions and form your own objective judgment, ”says Elizabeth Lutes.
Dmitry Sergeev advises you to think about what you do in life because you really want it, and what - under the pressure of others or circumstances. “The ability to walk away from a movie that you don’t like, and not watch it because the money was paid for it. Do not eat a dish in a restaurant that you do not really like, and do not choke because you paid a considerable amount for it. During an unpleasant conversation, get up, turn around and leave, or take it and keep silent at the moment when you really want to “blurt out” something or do something, not thinking that someone will think something “wrong” about you ” he gives examples.
4. Set goals and achieve them
The goal is to know where to go. Write a list of what you want to achieve after a certain period of time - a week, a month, a year. Then compare the results, draw conclusions and write new goals. “More specifics, which can be expressed in terms and numbers, less abstract reasons and phrases,” advises Dmitry Sergeev.
“A person with a weak character does not know what he wants. It is contradictory, disorganized and constantly fluctuating,” says Artem Ivanov. Avoid the opposite.
5. Say "no"
The inability to refuse directly and honestly betrays a weakness of character in people, The Question users are sure. It is important to learn how to save your time and set personal boundaries. “The ability to decisively say “no” to insignificant matters will give you the strength to say “yes” to something important,” says Dmitry Sergeev. “It is very important to focus on one thing, discarding all external factors. They just destroy you. Give them up in favor of the really important things,” advises Elizabeth Lutes.
6. Take a closer look at your surroundings
Unfortunately, not everyone will like it if you suddenly start to change for the better. For someone, you will cease to be "convenient", someone will simply envy. If you want to be strong, change the unpleasant environment. “If there are those people in the environment who do not want to become better and “pull” you down without developing, then it is better to reduce the limit of communication with them. Or cut them out of your life. Find those who are with you along the way, those who will help you and become better every day at the expense of you, - Dmitry Sergeev argues. “If you don’t want to ruin your life, stay away from those who have already ruined theirs.”