Levitation. A technique for those who want to learn how to fly

How to learn to sharp?

A practical guide for those who want to learn not to go into their pocket for a word in any situation

Gennady Feruzov

ISBN 978-5-4485-1688-7

Created with the intelligent publishing system Ridero

Foreword

There is no such person who is pleased to experience such negative feelings as shyness, inferiority in any area, infringement of his interests, a feeling of inferiority. And even if one of them is pointed out to him, everything indicated, yet, is not a guarantor of the truth. The negative qualities described above are very often imposed on us by our environment. And, sometimes we are so vulnerable to everything that we are ready to put up with such a position, and continue to go with the flow, and we are no longer able to get out of this cycle that pulls our self-esteem down. Therefore, only it affects all the achievements in our life. After all, everyone wants to be needed, valuable, respected, loved, so that his word is considered. And, unfortunately, not always everything turns out the way we want. Most of us are but pale shadows of ourselves. Because it was not possible to reveal talents, intelligence, resourcefulness due to fear, to be ridiculed, rejected, etc.

This book was just created to solve all these problems, resolving only one - to learn how to communicate with people. In it you will find how to learn how to express your thoughts intelligibly. How to protect yourself, in various everyday situations, from attacks or insults from the outside, without resorting to force. How to become the soul of the company, and learn to joke. And also to win respect and favor by showing yourself versatile and confident in all aspects of our modern life (in public, in a joke, etc.)

This book does not psychological tricks and no human experience. I will not drive you to the streets and force you to get acquainted with them. I'm not going to make a laughing stock out of you (as in some publications). The methods described in this book are absolutely accessible, easy and simple, which is fundamentally different from other manuals proposed in similar topics. This book will help you, as the author has helped all his experience set forth in it.

Chapter 1: Opening Monologue

Looking for an answer………

Hello dear reader. I am very glad that my book intrigued you, since you decided to buy it. Naturally, why shouldn't I be glad, you think, because of the money that suddenly fell into an electronic account, because for this reason no one has yet been sad. But the point is not only this, I will be, sincerely, happy if, thanks to my book, we call it “a guide to sharpening the tongue”, extracting useful moments from it, the thought will reach you, how simple everything is! And everything you dreamed about, namely: How to learn to behave well in society, how to feel brave, confident, how to gain independence of your views and judgments from outside pressure, and most importantly, how to feel your own significance? You will find here. And the faster the better. This book is just a guide that will open your eyes to many things that you usually do not notice in everyday life.

Well, now I propose to move on to cause and effect. Find out for whom this book was written, and why. And how to work with it, that is, to use it in practice?

In general, initially, philosophical thoughts arose in my head that it would be useful to a certain circle of people, for example, those who experience discomfort in communication, as well as those who often and unreasonably inflict moral offense, taking advantage of the fact that a person is constantly lost and therefore he nothing to say in my defense. But after thinking about it, I thought that this circle could easily expand, since this “tongue sharpening guide” will not only help scare off your offenders, but is designed for those who just want to stand out from the crowd, showing originality, flash speech turns. It will also lightly load you with humorous baggage, and will accompany your intellectual development and finally make you become an interesting person with a certain twist. That's basically all the needs of people in such cases. As soon as you choose what exactly you lack and get it as long as you feel the need for it.

Well, I'll briefly tell you why I wrote it. Even in a very distant youth, I loved to analyze everything that was happening around. He paid special attention to relationships between people. Naturally, like many teenagers, I had a lot of complexes. I was not as strong as Ivan Ivanov, then my height did not suit me, since all the girls preferred tall ones (although I later overtook some in high school). Then, the teacher, in literature, she constantly annoyed me with the fact that, you see, in her purely personal opinion, I could not express myself beautiful words. In general, like most of us, I had a lot to get stuck in the so-called gray and inconspicuous mass.

Since I didn’t have any special physical virtues, putting my finger to my nose, I decided to look for them in my soul. But I didn't find it either. Although, wait, I was a kind boy, responsive to help, polite with old women, helping my parents with the housework. But then I thought it was all bullshit. My peers will not appreciate such positive qualities. And he was right, because when we are young, we are more impressed and excited by cool images. So I imagined myself as a cool dude dissecting on a motorcycle, with a girl behind his back, in short, a kind of highway knight. But as they say, all dreams sometimes come true. Then I came to the conclusion that I do not want to be, like many, ordinary. I longed to be popular. I wanted to be more appreciated, respected and taken seriously. To be honest, I envied the leaders. And I knew that I needed to become the same without fail. But he didn't know where to start. I ran around bookstores, swept books with such logos from the shelves: "Young authority", "How to learn to influence people", "C tomorrow you are a strong personality” and the like. I read it all over several times, but never received an answer. Then he quit and started again. And he wondered how it happens, why some people manage to easily win favor, while others can only nervously smoke in a corner in gray slippers. And when I fell in love with a classmate, but was too shy to make any moves towards her. Lost her. Giving way to his cheerful and mischievous friend. In general, I lost myself, dropping my self-esteem below the water line. I felt like just a barely noticeable shadow of the image that I embodied in my dreams. So then my attempts to find a clue on how to become confident, cheerful, sociable and enjoy success with women did not find an answer. But I didn't give up. I decided to take a scientific approach to this sore point for me. Taking the mental dummy of his friend as a basis for his scientific experience and decomposing it into parts. I imagined myself as Jack the Ripper of his soul.

Spending with my friend, a lot of time in the same company. I began to look closely at him. How he carried himself, I must say, it came out great for him. He was a reference authority among us. Always amazed by his ingenuity, sharp mind, ability to carry on a conversation. To make us laugh, to colic in the stomach, was the main task of his program. And the girls just wrote with boiling water from his charisma. Once I asked him: “Listen Sanya, how do you manage to present yourself so beautifully to others?” To which he replied: "Yes, God knows." Maybe it's a gift of fate from birth. I'm just confident. I feel bold wherever I go. I say that the first one will come into my head and I don’t worry about it, so it’s possible that my sayings turn into masterpieces at the end.

Yes, of course, it seemed to me then, it was all about confidence, but how he acquired it was a mystery to me. From all the textbooks on psychology, I subtracted, and everywhere everything was the same, that really, it's all about this notorious certainty. And almost all textbooks had exercises on how to comprehend it. From the simplest, that you need to relax, imagine yourself a la Gennady Vetrov and they say everything will go like clockwork. And then go out to people to throw out a trick, and if the hall did not burst into applause, then the number was pierced. But do not despair, it is worth trying again, you just didn’t relax enough and joined the image of Gennady Vetrov and so on and so forth. In short, everywhere, in my opinion, bullshit was described. And all because no one described these tricks in detail, how and what to do. I had a desire to throw their textbooks into the firebox. Because none of them gave me an answer.

But I continued to dig like a detective. And in the end, he found out the truth. But I understood for sure that such merry fellows as my friend, they themselves have no idea what the snag is. And I found. The only truth in his answer is confidence. But here's how to get to it, I'll tell you in detail in subsequent chapters. You and my friend will be taken aback by how simple it turns out.

That nasty feeling when you want to say "no" but you can't. We agree to get rid of it as quickly as possible. But paying for consent makes it even worse: now we are weighed down by the role of a victim, a hostage of our own weak character. Eight actionable tips will help change the state of affairs.

1. Remember: You can't please everyone.

"You can't be everyone's lifesaver" is the first rule to repeat until it changes your behavior. If there is no clear line, how and when you should, expect moral exhaustion. By refusing other people, you risk ruining your relationship with them, but they will not use you.

2. Keep Your Interests in Mind

Every coin has a flip side: a short “no” to one thing is nothing more than a capacious “yes” to something else. Just think of the things you can do if you don't take on the burdens of others. With this approach, the feeling of guilt will go away and will no longer remind of itself.

3. Avoid excuses

As a rule, we want to back up our refusal with a large portion of reasons and details. But it's better to be simple and concise. If you go into details, you run the risk of making a slip, getting confused, or convicting yourself of insincerity. Here you have to agree, and this is not included in your plans.

4. Think and Prepare for Rejection in Advance

The strategy is to always be on the lookout. You can prepare a chain of questions in advance that will help you find a good reason for refusing. For example, take a break and ask yourself: do you have time for this, is it profitable for you, what are the risks for the relationship with a person? Then answer “no” confidently, but not abruptly.

Giphy.com

5. Analyze how your decision has been influenced in the past

Each of us has said “yes” many times in the same situations with the same people. You are constantly being pushed onto this beaten path, and it's time to learn how to turn off it. Recognize that dirty tricks are being used against you and trying to manipulate you. Remain calm and drive confidently to the side.

6. Do not invent synonyms, there is only “no” for you

Limit your vocabulary to one word "no". Forget about "maybe", "maybe" and even "nope". Strength - in unambiguity, even a hint of a misinterpretation should not be a place. Your play on words is interpreted by the other side as an uncertain "yes". Only an undeniable “no” is acceptable.

7. Suggest an alternative

It happens that you are approached out of desperation, when ideas dry up and the solution to the problem is covered in fog. In such a situation, you act as a guardian angel, who knows better from above. Evaluate the question from your bell tower and advise an alternative. Sow a thought in someone else's head, and the person will be grateful to you for the fact that you, in fact, refused.

8. Beware of apologies

Don't think, saying something like "I'm sorry" is still worth it. But bending your back in a bow is already unnecessary. We exaggerate because your courtesy can be mistaken for weakness. You are a flint, and your "no" is unshakable.

Oh yeah, smile a little when you say "no"! From a smile in the sky, a rainbow will wake up - there will be something to close an awkward moment.

There are only two ways to live life. The first is that miracles do not exist. The second - as if there were only miracles around. A. Einstein

We all die, some sooner, others later. And although we try to pretend that this does not concern us. However, it happens to everyone. Everyone, without exception, is scared.

And if you start to bother about this thought, you can still complete a business trip to this dimension much earlier than expected. And in front of our eyes, many are doing just that. Especially pensioners of the post-Soviet space. They have an idea that they are no longer needed by society (the key word is an idea, i.e. thoughts), they usually have no interest in starting something new, their ambitions are not the same. Desires narrow down to the level of survival. As a result, all this leads to a transition to other dimensions.

We will not understand the dimensions - this is what spiritual practices do. Us more interesting life, and even more interesting - the ability to manage your life.

Even as a child, I was visited by the idea that if there are formulas that describe all the laws of physics, chemistry, mathematics, then there must be a formula for life. A universal formula that describes all the laws of life. And she is. And she is very simple. At first glance, it is primitive. By the way, this is her genius. And we all know it, repeatedly use it in life.

But there are nuances. So - the nuance is that this formula should be practiced throughout life in the same way that we practice brushing our teeth every morning, exercising for muscle tone, eating food to get one of the types of energy in the body. The list can be very long.

The formula sounds like this - the quality of our life depends on our thoughts. No more, no less. You think that you are thrown - this is what you get. You think you are happy - and you are happy.

I chew - our thoughts form our r-e-a-l-l-n-o-s-t-s. How we think is how we live. If there is the ability to think good thoughts, we live well. If there is no such ability, then we live like that.

BUT abilities can be developed. It's like muscles that can be built up through training. Similarly, abilities can be developed through constant practice. Those. to be present, to track what you think, to track the trains of your thoughts. Leave only those that suit you, etc.

At the beginning, of course, everything will seem difficult, you will want to fall into the usual way of thinking. I agree, changing the direction of the mind is not an easy task. Essentially, it means changing your beliefs. They are also called principles, then it is easy to hide behind them. Especially to men. We are men - we are pryntsypyalnye.

But all the same, life teaches us that we need to change, since we come to this earth, to this dimension to gain experience for our development and growth. And the experience for development is always diverse and versatile.

Our beliefs are just the thoughts we think all the time. That is, when we are aware of our beliefs and, accordingly, thoughts, we change them to those that we like and from which we are rushing. And then we observe with admiration how the reality immediately begins to change.

So everything is simple? Yes, simple. Everything ingenious is simple!

Having devoted a career to the study of lies, claims that even the most truthful person, talking to a stranger, lies on average four times in ten minutes. Interestingly, when talking to relatives or close friends, we lie even more often.

Lies can be completely harmless - saying this, we don’t even notice that we lied (for example, “you look great”). And maybe serious - when we ourselves know that we are lying (for example, “darling, I never cheated on you”).

Most of us believe that they just cannot be deceived: we always know when we are being lied to. This is not true.

Lyanne Brink, a psychologist at the University of California, Berkeley, who specializes in detecting lies, argues that it is almost impossible to understand that you are being lied to if the liar is capable. And her colleague from the University of San Francisco, Paul Ekman, conducted an experiment in which 15,000 people participated. They were shown a video in which people lie and tell the truth, and were asked to recognize where they had been lied to. On average, less than half completed the task.

Whatever you teach your children, you yourself know perfectly well that it is useful to lie. By the way, a psychologist from the University of Massachusetts Robert Feldman did a very interesting study and found out that the most popular kids in school are the ones who are good at lying - because it's interesting with them. Indeed, we all have acquaintances who deceive voluptuously, with fantasy; and even knowing in advance that they are lying, we listen to them with great pleasure. But even in essence, truthful people sometimes have to lie, although they do not like to do this.

So, let's learn. What needs to be done to believe in your lies?

Decide to lie

Weigh the pros and cons and make the final decision that you are lying. And after the decision is made, no longer doubt it. Lies are very easy to determine precisely because of the internal doubts that torment the liar. Is it moral or immoral? Right or wrong? Fair or dishonest? It doesn't matter anymore. If you decide to lie, lie.

Weigh the Possibility of Failure

Before you lie, think about what will happen if the truth turns out, and how likely it is at all. If you have lied about this particular subject before—and been believed—then you may be able to pull the same thing again. Have you been caught in a lie by the people you plan to lie to? Are there witnesses to the "truth" who could potentially undermine your story? And finally, what will happen if the truth is revealed. For example, if you are ten, think about what you will be punished more for - for a deuce or for hiding it? If, after weighing all the circumstances, you nevertheless came to the conclusion that it would be better to lie than to tell the truth, you need to lie.

Make sure it's good for you

It is very important to understand why you are lying at all. What do you want from this?

Remember that the less often you lie, the stronger your reputation as a "truthful" person, the more you will be believed.

And this means that if you do not exchange for petty lies and save this “capital” for the moment when you really need it, the effect will be stronger - no one will doubt you. In general, if you're lying, lie big.

Work out your lies

Psychologist, doctor Cynthia Cohen did some research and found out what we already knew: it's easiest to get caught lying when you're telling a story for the first time. If you carefully work out all the details of a lie in advance so that you don’t have to invent anything on the spot, the probability of success increases several times. You have already lied to someone on this topic - and the second time you write about the same thing much more efficiently, because you have practiced.

Moreover, this time you do not create lies (using the parts of the brain responsible for creative processes), but remember them - that is, you do exactly the same thing that you would do when retelling a true story.

speak the truth

The hardest thing to spot is a lie that isn't really a lie. The more true facts in your story, the more difficult it will be to catch you that you are telling a lie. Also, truthful facts lead to the fact that the listener asks fewer questions. And the fewer questions, the less likely it is that you will be declassified.

Know who you're lying to

The secret of a good liar is that he is very empathic. He perfectly sees and feels what is going on in the head of the one to whom he is lying. To different people fits different lies. Who are you going to lie to? What would he rather believe? Tailor the lies to the victim.

Lie short

The story you tell should be as short as possible. Liars often fail at telling endless stories with a lot of detail because everything is thought out in advance. It is important to think through the lies to the smallest detail, but you do not need to give them all out until you are asked.

The initial lie should be as short as possible.

Start with a lie

If you need to lie to someone, do it right away. Do not start the conversation with some other topic, hoping that this will help you gather strength. Will not help. First of all, you need to lie, while the interlocutor has not yet got accustomed to you, is not used to your gestures and does not know how to read the subtexts in your words. Lie first, then truth.

Bonus

A liar is often given out not by words, but by actions. How to look to be believed?

1. Don't look away, but don't look directly into the pupils of the person you're lying to. Look at his face as a whole.

2. Smile ( scientists claim that when people tell the truth, they smile more often).

3. Take care of yourself - the liar often touches his buttons, pulls his own clothes, unconsciously scratches himself.

4. Control your own voice. Since the process of lying is energy-intensive and requires too much concentration. a large number body systems, the voice of the liar becomes colorless and monotonous (the brain has no additional reserves to unconsciously control it). Therefore, it must be done by force.

5. Wave your arms - if you feel like it at all. The liar often unconsciously restricts movement and facial expressions. If you want to be believed - do not limit.

Being a curious person is sometimes very difficult, because questions constantly arise in your head that need to be answered right now and not a minute later. What happened to the gas burner, that it became weaker to heat? How to help children in third world countries? What is this star that burns brightest of all? Fortunately, we live in a time when the answers to these and other questions are literally at our fingertips. Now, if you want to learn something new, all you need to do is open the application and study new material. I have put together some great apps for those who want to learn something new.

1. Music Theory Helper

If you've always regretted not going to music school as a child, you may find learning music from scratch too difficult. This application will perfectly show you everything you need to learn to understand the creation of music. From the most basic knowledge to advanced information, as well as chord and sheet music exercises, it's all contained in one simple app.

2. Duolingo

This application allows you to learn 30 languages in a game format. It uses a combination of short exercises that will easily teach you not only to read or write letters, but also to communicate live. Also, the application adapts to you, determining what is more important to pull up. Whether you want to learn a language from scratch or just fill in the gaps in your knowledge, this app is perfect for both. It is also worth noting a separate application that will help learning with this service - Tinycards. It allows you to memorize new words every day with the help of repeating flashcards.

3. Lingualeo

If the game format seems ineffective to you, you can start studying in English in all seriousness with the Lingualeo app. Despite the fact that the mascot of the service every day declares that it is hungry, inside there are strong grammar courses built on the principle of frequent repetition of material in different variations. There are no tests or memorizations of the same type, and the whole practice is divided into the promotion of different skills so that you not only learn a lot of words, but also can read, understand and write in English.

4. Google Arts & Culture

While the whole world is indulging in the “find out what picture you look like” option, this marketing did not work for the Russian market, which means that not many users know about the application. As well as the fact that the application has many other features that are worth spending a little time on. You can become a museum explorer, walk through amazing places like the Taj Mahal or the Louvre, look at the details of famous paintings, read the stories behind each work.

5. Coursera

For those who have always wanted to get another education, but constantly put it off until later, studying online is ideal. This site offers more than 10 thousand videos on mathematics, economics and humanities, as well as reinforcing tests and essays. Already, most of the courses have been translated into Russian and are still available for free - unless you need a certificate confirming your knowledge. In addition, each course has sub-forums where you can discuss unclear points with other participants or even team up for an additional project that will allow you to delve deeper into the topic.