›

Emotional intelligence in children. Emotional intelligence and its development in children

The child's emotions are usually given little weight, despite the increased popularity of this topic in recent times. Adults themselves are poorly oriented in the field of emotions, do not understand what to do with them, consider them to be unnecessary noise, or, on the contrary, tend to “live with feelings”, that is, swim in endless emotional pulsations.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to subtly understand and partly manage your emotions and the emotions of others.

Children in the world of knowing emotions, of course, are beginners, but the foundations of emotional intelligence are laid in preschool age.

What children need to know about emotions:

  1. There are invisible entities called emotions and feelings, they live inside a person and affect well-being and behavior
  2. Emotions can be manipulated at will
  3. There are also emotions and feelings in other people. They are expressed in the words and appearance of a person. These feelings can be understood, read, as we understand a book or a person's speech. By understanding the feelings of others, we can communicate with them more comfortably.
  4. The feelings of others are influenced by our behavior, it is possible to purposefully or accidentally influence the emotions of others.

Despite the apparent simplicity of this design, it is not so easy for a child to master it. It is multidimensional and requires constant attention.

There are two main difficulties in raising emotional intelligence in children:

  • Low emotional intelligence of parents. In order to develop emotional intelligence, you need a guide, an adult who will show and tell you what's what. In many adults, respectively, parents, emotional intelligence (EI) is poorly developed, they themselves do not clearly understand their emotions, do not distinguish them from thoughts, cannot interpret them, and even more so influence them. They also poorly and incorrectly understand the feelings and motivations of others, and there is no question of a conscious change in the feelings of others in a desirable direction. Automatically, unconsciously, an adult transfers to the child exactly his level of emotional intelligence, he cannot in any way bring up what he himself does not have.

Nevertheless, a child can develop a good emotional intelligence, regardless of the influence of parents, under the influence of other experiences or special natural sensitivity, intuitiveness of reading the reaction.

If you want to consciously influence the development of such an important property as the child's EI, then, first of all, you must work and develop your own EI.

  • The second difficulty in educating a child's EI is that a preschooler is aware of his inner world vaguely, fragmentarily, and is not capable of reflection and empathy until a certain age. Not capable due to the natural pace of development. For example, children up to school age are less capable of empathy - awareness of the feelings of others.

It makes no sense to say to a four-year-old kid who is pulling his sister by the hair - “Oh, what if it’s like that for you !?”. Of course, he may think about it and stop, he may let go of his sister, seeing the anger of the parent, he may, in the end, take your words as a threat. But he cannot seriously build a chain that will lead him to an understanding of what he would feel in his sister's place. Later he can, with normal development, but now he cannot.

Implicitly, adults demand highly developed emotional intelligence skills from a child when:

Adults demand that the child calm down, stop crying, not be angry, not offended, or be more cheerful.

Managing your emotions is a complex skill that, at best, will develop in a child by adulthood. Most adults do not own it, and usually the adult who requires self-control from the child does not either. Most adults lash out at the child, yell at him, sometimes beat him - under the influence of overwhelming emotions. At the same time, they demand that children take control of themselves. The question is, on what basis should a child be able to do what you do not know?

In part, a preschooler can suppress the EXPRESSION of feelings, his outward expression. Can learn to unconsciously repress unwanted feelings. But all this has little to do with the conscious change of emotions in the right direction.

Adults require the child to fully understand them.

Unconsciously, and sometimes quite consciously, adults want children to understand them. So that children understand and take into account their anxiety, fatigue and outbursts of irritation. At the same time, few adults are satisfied with the level of understanding even from friends and spouses, so it is not known where the illusions come from that a child is able to understand them.

The child always sensitively REACTS to the mood of an adult, but he little comprehends what he perceives. So, he feels your sadness, fear, anger, and this affects him. But he does not understand, but only feels that something is wrong.

Empathy is a hard skill, often in decline even in adults. People are focused on themselves, few people are sensitive to changes in the mood of others. Even fewer are those who consciously coordinate their behavior in accordance with this changeable phenomenon - the mood of others.

You can teach a child a lot in the field of emotions. But here, as in other areas, it will take time for parents, the right approaches and an understanding of age limits.

What's in my soul: a child's understanding of himself

The first and key skill of emotional intelligence is understanding your emotions. Without this, it is impossible to move on, although many consider this skill to be the most boring and are sure that understanding oneself is an easy thing. But, this is not easy for both children and adults. In order to understand himself, the child needs to do several complex operations:

- isolate a feeling inside oneself, an internal state

- correlate this state with the available vocabulary and name, express. Language is a tool for thinking, including a tool for understanding emotions

- try to understand why this feeling occurs, correlate it with the events of life.

Difficulties can be expected at every stage of the child. He is not used to listening to himself, has a limited vocabulary(especially related to emotions) and is not tuned in to finding a connection between events and their feelings. In order to understand yourself, as you can see, you need to do a solid inner work.

Without a full understanding of oneself, that is, the development of the first stage of emotional intelligence, one cannot move on. You can’t influence your emotions, because you don’t have a clue about them, you can’t understand others, because you can’t see in another what you don’t see in yourself, and, of course, influencing the feelings of others is also an inaccessible luxury without a basic skill - understanding yourself .

To help the child understand himself

1. Observe the change in the child's emotions and tell him what is happening to him.

When a very young child is very angry, he does not yet know that his condition has a name. Parents take the first steps in emotional intelligence with their children when they notice his condition and name it.

- You seem to be confused now

I see that you are having a lot of fun right now.

- You are now as happy as a sunbeam

- You must be angry like a tiger

- I think that you are sad and want to be alone

Such statements are sometimes called active listening, it is well written in the book A.B. Gippenreiter "Communicate with a child: HOW?"

IT IS IMPORTANT NOT TO FOCUS ON NEGATIVE EXPERIENCES!! THIS ATTENTION CAN INCREASE THE AMOUNT OF NEGATIVE PERCEIVED BY THE CHILD.

Almost all parents who begin the practice of actively listening or reflecting (naming) the child's feelings focus on negative emotions. While everything is fine, the child is happy and calm, the parents are silent. But, as soon as the child gets upset and feels something unpleasant, the parent rushes to reflect his feelings. This tactic is fundamentally wrong, it can serve as the basis for the repressed emotional background of children. Children receive a signal of their feelings and increased attention from the parent at the moment when they experience something unpleasant. This can cause increased expression and refined awareness of precisely negative experiences. Of course, to the detriment of the positive.

Pay as much attention as possible to your child's positive or neutral emotions. Feelings can be compared with the phenomena of nature, the animal world, fairy tale characters, draw or sculpt, make collages. Everything that helps to "catch" an emotion and talk about it is useful for developing the first stage of EI - understanding oneself.

In my counseling practice, I have often met parents who, for some unknown reason, are sure that until a certain age the child does not experience adult-like emotions, for example, that a small child cannot be angry. And on this basis, parents are ready to voice their feelings, but they do not understand and do not voice children's emotions. It turns out an unpleasant distortion, the child constantly hears about what the mother feels, but does not feedback by your feelings. This can lead to increased sensitivity to the moods of others, but misunderstanding or inattention to oneself.

A child experiences emotions from a very early age, one might even say that initially he consists mainly of emotions. It is not too early at any age to tell the child that you understand, see what he feels. This is intuitively understood by adults who say to a nursing baby: “Who is upset with us here ?!”. From a very early age, it is normal to respond to a child's feelings and label them with words. Of course, a three-month-old child does not need detailed explanations of his experiences. But briefly explaining his states in words is a natural and useful practice already at a very early age.

2. Show your emotions.

Many people completely misunderstand the ideal model of a parent as some kind of always calm being who expresses only positive emotions.

Parents often say: “I understand that I should ideally always be calm, not scream, not get irritated, not make mistakes, and so on. But how to achieve this? This is supposed to be difficult to achieve, but still desirable to strive for. And this is absolutely wrong. In order for a child to grow up as a normal person, he must be raised by the same normal person. In order for the child to recognize himself, with his weaknesses and strengths, the parent himself must accept himself (and not just the child). A parent is a child's first and most important role model. By observing this model, the child understands how to deal with his feelings. And the model should be alive, completely natural, which can get angry and lose its temper. If the child is sure that his mother never gets angry, then what should he do with his anger?

If you yourself have outlawed such feelings as anger, envy, resentment, fear, then you will not be able to teach a child to deal with these experiences. But feelings will not disappear from this, although they can be forced out of the zone of awareness.

Of course, you need to work on yourself in the sense that it is appropriate to express emotions. So, if in a rage you destroy interior items, then, despite your sparkling spontaneity, the child sees a disgusting example in front of him.

You also need to try so that feelings do not block your path to peace. So, if you avoid moving away from home out of fear for your life, and the child is aware of this, then, despite the clarity of your feelings, the example in front of the child is also not very useful.

If the form of expression of the adult's feelings or their intensity is a problem, this needs to be dealt with. But, if this is a normal level of feelings, then there is no need to hide them from the child. The child may know when you are angry, frightened, offended. And he should definitely hear you talk about your enthusiasm, excitement, anticipation, joy, satisfaction, pride.

By showing your emotions, you give the child the right to experience the whole range of emotions, teach them to express them in an acceptable way.

Name your emotions the way you would name a child's emotions.

- I am very inspired by this idea

- I am proud of my achievements

- I was ashamed to hear something

- I get angry when they don't listen to me

3. Encourage your child to express their feelings.

“Children with oppressed feelings are, as a rule, children with an oppressed intellect, impoverished thought”

V. Sukhomlinsky

For a child it difficult task- to catch internal movements and connect them with words and images. At preschool age, only the first steps in this direction can be taken!

It is easier for children to describe internal sensations through external supports, so in order to find out how a child feels, use:

- pictures cut out of magazines. Create your personal catalog of pictures that you think correspond to different feelings

- colored paper

- different types plasticine

- toys depicting different animals

- special board games that teach emotional intelligence.

4. Play special games that help develop self-understanding

Good and Bad Game

Set aside time in the evening for each family member to share two good things and two disappointing things about today. You need to start on a bad note to end on a positive note.

This tradition allows you to establish a dialogue, often opens the way for clarifying complex, problematic situations in the family. Also, parents and children can hear the signal of discontent in time and change their behavior without waiting for an explosion of emotions. The game "Good and Bad" teaches you to understand yourself more precisely, and a good understanding of yourself is a step towards regulating your emotional states.

The game "I am happy when ..."
The players throw the ball to each other, with the words: “I am happy when ...”, the receiver of the ball must name the situation when he is happy. Then he throws the ball to another player, also coming up with an opening, for example: "I get angry when ...". The more players and the wider the range of words denoting emotions, the more fun it is to play.

I am proud when...

I am outraged when...

I am happy when...

I am disappointed when...

The game is suitable for children from 6 years old.

Magic bag game

Before this game, the child discusses what his mood is now, what he feels, maybe he is offended by someone. Then invite the child to put all negative emotions, anger, resentment, sadness into a magic bag. This pouch, with all the bad stuff in it, ties tight. You can use another "magic bag" from which the child can take the positive emotions that he wants. The game is aimed at understanding one's emotional state and liberation from negative emotions.

© Elizaveta Filonenko

Psychology and pedagogy

Emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence is a relatively young theoretical construct that appeared about 25 years ago. At the peak of intelligence research, psychologists noticed that there is a whole layer of phenomena that standard intelligence tests cannot measure - a layer about feelings, experiences, emotions. This is how the concept came about emotional intelligence. Initially, this concept included the ability of a person to understand and correctly interpret their emotions and the emotions of other people.

It has been suggested that understanding other people's feelings has a positive effect on a person's success in life. But this did not negate the fact that the cognitive abilities of children are just as important and play a key role in their lives, studies and future careers.

Reasoning about the role of understanding the experiences of other people was a logical continuation of the study of intelligence. Man is a social being, and the feelings of other people, their reactions are an important part of social reality. Thus, the rational and the sensual in human nature are balanced, and there is no point in guessing which of these components is the key to success.

Structure of emotional intelligence

What are the components of a clear understanding of human feelings and reactions? Researchers on this issue still disagree about these components. Mayer, Nightingale and Caruso identify four components of emotional intelligence:

    Perception of emotions - the ability to recognize emotions (by facial expressions, gestures, appearance, gait, behavior, voice) of other people, as well as identify their own emotions.

    The use of emotions to stimulate thinking is the ability of a person to enliven his thought process, enriching with experiences, inventing something new, being creative.

    Understanding emotions - the ability to determine the cause of the appearance of an emotion, to recognize the connection between thoughts and emotions, to determine the transition from one emotion to another, to predict the development of an emotion over time.

    Emotion management is the ability to choose the most appropriate form for the situation to express a particular emotion.

In any case, it is important to note that the skill of recognizing one's own experiences and the experiences of other people is multifaceted, complex, and gradually formed. Starting from infancy, children are immersed in social and sensual reality, through facial expressions and gestures, the interaction of the child and his loved ones takes place. How does a child learn to smile, laugh, cry? There are many studies on this. Historically, it was believed that emotions are innate ancient instincts that are the same in all people. But further research disproved the universality of experiences in different cultural contexts. Psychologists have discovered that emotions are a cultural phenomenon whose manifestation and development depend on learning. From childhood, we are generally explained when people are angry, when they are happy. Depending on the social environment, the child learns to be more or less expressive, including the strength of expressions of emotions strongly depends on the constitution of the nervous system.

Social intelligence and success

Initially, it was believed that in order to achieve success, it is very important for children to learn to control themselves, to be able to force them to do difficult operations, to postpone enjoyment until later, and also to be smart and intellectual. There have been many studies highlighting the importance of IQ. Parents were worried, and tried to prepare their children for later life as best as possible, developing their thinking and enriching them with knowledge. Attention to human social skills has enriched this picture. It turned out that social skills are also important for the success of children: the ability to negotiate, sympathize, enter into relationships, understand the feelings of oneself and others. But this does not mean that it is important for all children to become emotional and open in expressing their feelings in order to achieve success. It has not been experimentally established that high emotional intelligence is required for all professions.

The child and his emotions

Children have the right to be different in expressing their experiences. Studies of emotions have shown that every experience has a variety of forms. One and the same person can, at different moments, cry out of anger, and boil up, start screaming. Sometimes parents find it difficult to deal with the emotional nature of their child. It is difficult for someone if the child is too closed and closed in his experiences. And for someone, on the contrary, the excessive passion of their child is a difficult test.

Emotional development vector

It does not matter whether the child is expressive or restrained, there is a common vector for the development of the emotional sphere - self-regulation. Emotional self-regulation is an important outcome of the development of many skills and processes. It is the ability to be clearly aware of one's experiences, to give them a name, and to choose the most appropriate form of expression, to choose when to give way to feelings, and when to control. Learning to manage your emotions wisely is like learning to drive a complex and delicate car that sometimes breaks down or travels on a slippery road. The child, in the course of his life, becomes sensually more complicated, in adolescence the child's arsenal of experiences has the same components as in an adult: from euphoria to despair. Strong experiences are available to the child from birth, children in infancy already experience strong fear or anger, as well as joy and comfort. It is important for a parent to help give experiences different names, read literature in which there are various experiences, tell the child about them. It is also important to rationally explain your condition to the child: for example, dad is upset that he did not manage to take a vacation, and he will not be able to go to the country with us and therefore is sad.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize feelings, develop positive and extinguish destructive emotions. This book for the first time tells about the concept of emotional intelligence from the point of view of Russian reality, experience and traditions.

Emotional-volitional regulation is the cornerstone in the process of growing up a child. It is very important that the child in the process of his formation learns to be in strong relationship with different people, trust, care, understand in time what is happening in these relationships. Often we observe either biases towards trust, or towards suspicion. Too gullible children do not notice the catch at the time, and can easily fall for the bait of manipulation, deception and use. Suspicious children are so closed that they find it difficult to open up in relationships, be spontaneous, emotional, and they may suffer from loneliness. It is important to notice these distortions in time and smooth them out. If a child is flexible and sensitive, then he can be taught to navigate well in relationships with people. It is important to teach safety precautions, talk about manipulations and deceptions, give examples of dialogues that can alert a child. Shy and closed children can be helped by supporting their expressiveness, it is important to support the child on the path of expressing feelings, not to pressure or shame the child, to give him enough time to learn how to express emotions. At the same time, one should not forget that sometimes it is impossible to make a shy child emotionally liberated and open, there are constitutional differences and limitations.

Impulsivity in the expression of emotions can also interfere with the adaptation of the child in the team. You can explain to the child that his outbursts of feelings can frighten other children and repel them.

Thus, it can be summarized that emotional development Each child is unique, it is important for the parent to be sensitive and notice where the child needs support and where there are restrictions. The development of emotional intelligence requires active social life child when there is interaction with others and there is an opportunity to discuss with the parent the fruits of this interaction. It must be remembered that sensory meanings and social literacy are the result of culture and learning, it is important to talk with the child about experiences, give them names, and teach them how to interact with other people. Do not let such an important thing as the formation of emotional intelligence take its course.

Empathy and sympathy.

Empathy is the icing on the cake of social intelligence. This skill is extremely complex and not all mature people are sufficiently developed. Initially, children have very little ability to empathize with others. In their nature - self-centeredness. Children defend their interests well and clearly, and can treat other people in a consumer way. How to teach a child empathy? For starters, it's important to understand the reality that empathy doesn't happen on its own over time. Empathy is the result of a warm, trusting relationship between a child and an adult. First, the child learns that he is treated with love and care, and only then learns to give love and care himself. Around the age of five, children begin to confess their love to their parents, although this age is different for everyone. After that, children learn a new idea for them, that an adult is also a person, gets tired too, gets upset too, can also insist on his own. If in a respectful way this idea can be conveyed to the child, then this will mark the beginning of genuine, and not ostentatious, empathy. Empathy is the ability to move your consciousness into another person, to take his place. This procedure requires quite a lot of internal stress. The ability to take the place of another, especially the place of one's opponent in a quarrel, is not even developed among all adolescents. This skill is called decentration, and it develops in relationships, in the process of talking and learning.

The Importance of Emotional Intelligence in a Child's Life

Understanding your experiences and the ability to give them the necessary form of expression - the ability to be free, the ability to choose the degree and form of feelings, and not be in their slavery. Emotional intelligence is an important step towards maturity and autonomy. When a child learns to navigate the world of feelings and interactions, he gets the opportunity to enter into relationships with others, make friends and love, as well as constructively conflict if necessary. For the development of emotional intelligence, two factors are key: relationships with parents, their learning to express their feelings and communicate, and a diverse social environment in which the child can interact with other people.

“It turned out that successful people have high level emotional intelligence, which determines the effectiveness of their interaction with other people and with the world in general. Raising the level of EQ, that is, the development of self-perception, social susceptibility, self-management and relationship management skills, is quite feasible, just pay attention to the recommendations of the book.

The intuitive mind is a sacred gift,
and rational thinking is a devoted servant.
We have created a society that honors
servants, but forgetting about the gifts.
Albert Einstein .

 What is emotional intelligence?

At present, the problem of the connection between feelings and reason, emotional and rational, their interaction and mutual influence is becoming more and more interesting. Emotional intelligence is a phenomenon that combines the ability to distinguish and understand emotions, manage their own emotional states and the emotions of their communication partners. The field of study of emotional intelligence is relatively young, at just over a decade old. Today, however, specialists around the world are already dealing with this problem. Among them are R. Bar-On, K. Kennon, L. Morris, E. Orioli, D. Caruso, D. Golman and others.

For the first time the term "emotional intelligence" was used in 1990 by J. Meyer and P. Salovey. One of the definitions of emotional intelligence, formulated by these authors, sounds like “the ability to carefully comprehend, evaluate and express emotions; the ability to understand emotions and emotional knowledge; as well as the ability to manage emotions, which contributes to the emotional and intellectual growth” of the individual.

The development of emotional intelligence acquires particular importance and relevance in preschool and primary school age, since it is during these periods that children actively develop emotionally, improve their self-awareness, the ability to reflect and decenter (the ability to take the partner’s position, take into account his needs and feelings). Work on expanding emotional intelligence is also advisable with adolescents, who are distinguished by high sensitivity and flexibility of all mental processes, as well as a deep interest in the sphere of their inner world.

Today, entire institutions have been opened in Canada and Europe that deal with the problem of the relationship between emotions and intelligence, and separate programs have been created to develop the emotional intelligence of children.

Why develop emotional intelligence?

Educators and psychologists may have a fair question: why is it so important to develop emotional intelligence? The answer is given by numerous studies of scientists, indicating that a low level of emotional intelligence can lead to the consolidation of a set of qualities called alexithymia. alexithymia- difficulty in understanding and defining one's own emotions - increases the risk of psychosomatic diseases in children and adults. Thus, the ability to understand one's own feelings and manage them is a personal factor that strengthens the psychological and somatic health of the child.

In addition, the researchers found that near 80% of success in the social and personal spheres of life is determined precisely by the level of development of emotional intelligence, and only 20% - by the well-known IQ - an intelligence quotient that measures the degree of a person's mental abilities. This conclusion of scientists turned in the mid-90s of the XX century views on the nature of personal success and the development of human abilities. It turns out that improvement logical thinking and horizons of the child is not yet a guarantee of his future success in life. It is much more important that the child masters the abilities of emotional intelligence, namely:

  • the ability to control your feelings so that they do not “overflow”;
  • the ability to consciously influence their emotions;
  • the ability to identify your feelings and accept them as they are (recognize them);
  • the ability to use their emotions for the benefit of themselves and others;
  • the ability to communicate effectively with other people, to find common ground with them;
  • the ability to recognize and recognize the feelings of others, imagine yourself in the place of another person, sympathize with him.

Foreign researchers of emotional intelligence have identified some age-related features of the development of this quality. Emotional intelligence increases with life experience, increasing during adolescence and maturity. This means that a child's level of emotional intelligence is obviously lower than that of an adult, and cannot be equal to it. But this does not mean that the formation of emotional abilities is inappropriate in childhood. On the contrary, there is evidence that special educational programs significantly increase the level of emotional competence of children.

How can emotional intelligence be measured?

A few words should also be said about the system for diagnosing emotional intelligence that exists today. Since the psychology of emotional intelligence develops mainly abroad, its diagnostic apparatus also appears in the form of foreign methods, often not adapted and not translated into Russian. Nevertheless, foreign methods for measuring emotional intelligence deserve the attention of domestic specialists, because a promising task for the development of this scientific field is the adaptation of existing developments to Russian conditions.

There is currently 3 groups of emotional intelligence techniques:

1. Methods that study individual abilities that are part of emotional intelligence;

2. Methods based on self-report and self-assessment of the subjects;

3. Methods - "multi-evaluators", that is, tests that must be completed not only by the subject, but also by 10-15 people he knows (the so-called "evaluators"), scoring his emotional intelligence.

For example, a multivariate scale of emotional intelligence MEIS belongs to the first group of methods. It was developed in 1999 by J. Meyer, P. Salovey and D. Caruso. MEIS is a written test with correct and incorrect answers. MEIS contains several types of tasks that the subject must solve: tasks for recognizing emotions, tasks for the ability to describe their own emotions, tasks for understanding the composition and relationship of various emotions, as well as tasks for the ability to control emotions.

The group of methods based on self-report and self-assessment includes EQ-i Emotional quotient questionnaire R. Bar-She . Foreign researcher R. Bar-On spent about twenty years researching and creating this technique. It was he who introduced the concept of emotional coefficient into psychology. EQ- as opposed to classical IQ. R.Bar-On's questionnaire was released in 1997 and has already been published in 14 languages, including Russian. The big advantage of the technique is that it has a children's version (for testing children and adolescents from 6 to 18 years old). In addition, this questionnaire measures five main components of emotional intelligence: intrapersonal(self respect) interpersonal(compassion, responsibility) adaptability(the ability to adapt one's emotions to changing conditions), stress management(emotional stability and stress resistance) and general mood(optimism).

One of the "multi-assessment" tests is Ei-360, created in 2000 by Dr. J.P. Pauliou-Fry. The measurement includes self-assessment, as well as assessment by up to ten “evaluators” (this can be family, peers, colleagues of the subject). The entire diagnostic process takes place over the Internet. This technique is fully presented on the Internet and is available to everyone. It provides an opportunity to compare your own perception of emotional intelligence and the perception of your intelligence by other people.

As we can see, there is a fairly wide range of methods for diagnosing emotional intelligence. Depending on the goals and objectives of a particular study, one or another technique may be more appropriate than others.

How can you develop emotional intelligence in children?

There are two possible approaches to the development of emotional intelligence: you can work with it directly, or indirectly, through the development of qualities associated with it. Today it has already been proven that the development of emotional intelligence is influenced by the development of such personal properties as emotional stability, a positive attitude towards oneself, an internal locus of control (the willingness to see the cause of events in oneself, and not in other people and random factors) and empathy (the ability to empathy). Thus, by developing these qualities of a child, it is possible to increase the level of his emotional intelligence.

As for direct work with emotional intelligence, here we have to state that a Russian-language program has not yet been developed. Although in domestic practical psychology there are many developments in the field of the emotional development of the child, increasing his reflection, empathy and self-regulation.

The author of this article has been conducting preventive and developmental classes in psychology in grade 1 for the third year already. "Land of emotions" aimed at developing the psychological health and emotional intelligence of children. The program was compiled by the author, but it uses both original exercises and those borrowed from other specialists (T. Gromova, O. Khukhlaeva, Lyutova, Monina, etc.). There were no standardized procedures for evaluating the effectiveness of this program. However, reviews and observations of teachers, parents, psychologists indicate a significant increase in students' reflection, empathy, expansion of psychological vocabulary, as well as children's awareness of the causes of various emotional states and the possibilities of getting out of them.

As an illustration of group work with children aimed at developing their emotional intelligence, I propose a plan for several lessons from the program "Land of emotions" dedicated to the emotion of fear.

Lesson objectives:

  • "acquaintance" of children with the emotion of fear: students' understanding of why a person needs fear, in what way it interferes with him, in what way it helps (development of metacognitive abilities);
  • actualization and reaction of feelings of fear;
  • understanding by children that fear is a normal emotion of all people, and at the same time understanding the need to overcome their own fears;
  • reducing fear of fairy-tale characters with the help of identification, empathy, grotesque and humor techniques;
  • teaching children to independently search for ways out of “terrible” traumatic situations;
  • symbolic transformation of negative emotions into positive, pleasant ones.

Lesson number 1. Island of Fear and its inhabitants

1. Greeting: “Let's say hello and greet each other with arms, legs, noses ...”, etc.

2.Psychological warm-up. "Inhabitants of the Island of Fear": each child receives a card with the name of one of the scary characters written on it (Baba Yaga, Koschey the Immortal, vampire, skeleton, etc.). At the signal of the leader, the child shows the hero as scary as possible, and everyone else guesses who was depicted.

3. “Make a scary hero kind!” Each child comes up with a story why his hero - a resident of the Island of Fear - became scary, and everyone thinks together how to free him from anger and fear, how to make him kind and happy. Each terrible character goes through a ritual of liberation from anger and becomes kind (the child loses or pronounces this transformation: for example, his hero forgives the one who offended him, etc.).

4. Ritual of farewell - Firework. leader. Putting his hand, the child answers the question: Why do heroes and people become scary? (Because of resentment, anger, revenge, etc.). At the leader's command, everyone releases their hands and raises them up, launching a salute: Hooray!

Lesson number 2. The inhabitants of the Island of Fear have become funny!

1. Greeting.

2.Psychological warm-up. “Scary - funny”: each child receives a card with the name of one of the scary characters and his “non-scary” activity. For example, Baba Yaga is going on a date or Koschey is in the gym, etc. The goal is to make the character as funny as possible and make everyone else laugh.

3. "Gallery of Laughter". Children draw in the albums of any inhabitant of the Island of Fear, but in such a way that it turns out not scary, but funny. Then an exhibition is held in the Gallery of Laughter, where each artist talks about his creation, trying to make the audience laugh.

4. Ritual of farewell - Firework. All participants in the lesson put their palms on the palm of the presenter. At the signal 1-2-3, everyone releases their hands and together raises them up, launching a salute: Hooray!

Lesson number 3. We will conquer any fears!

1. Greeting.

2.Psychological warm-up. "Contest of fears": children pass the ball around in a circle, ending the sentence: “The person is afraid ...”. You can't repeat. Who repeats, he is out of the game. At the end of the game is done conclusion: All people are afraid of something, but we must learn to overcome our fears.

3. "Cube of revelations." A magical “cube of revelations” appears at the lesson. Children optional they talk about their personal fears, and everyone else thinks that they can advise in this situation, how to cope with fears.

3. "Darkland". Children are read the fairy tale of the same name about how a little boy was afraid of the dark and how he overcame his fear. Everyone listens and draws an illustration for this fairy tale in the albums. After reading the tale, a discussion is held on how the hero coped with his fears, what helped him in this. Those who wish to talk about their experience of overcoming certain fears. Then each completes the sentences: “Fear gets in the way when…”, “Fear helps when…”. Is being done conclusion that fear can not only hinder, but also help a person: for example, warn and protect him from danger.

4. Ritual of farewell - Firework. At the command of the leader, everyone releases their hands and together raise them up, launching a salute: We will conquer any fears!

The training program described above is built on the following principles:

1) acquaintance or repetition of emotions, psychological concepts necessary for successful work in the classroom;

2) a block of “warm-ups” and psychological exercises aimed at removing emotional clamps, free expression and response of emotions, spontaneous behavior;

3) the establishment of various types of communications at the emotional, behavioral and cognitive levels using game methods;

4) playing a variety of role-playing situations for learning to control one's own emotions;

5) the use of exercises for the development of cognitive structures, awareness of the causes and consequences of various emotional states.

1. Games and tasks that contribute to mastering the techniques of interpersonal communication, developing verbal and non-verbal means of communication;

2. Various types of discussions, games, elements of psychodrama;

3. Tasks that increase self-esteem, which leads to a sense of self-worth, self-confidence;

4. Relaxation exercises to relieve psychological tension, anxiety; teaching self-regulation techniques.

How can you develop emotional intelligence in adults?

It is also worth noting some approaches and techniques that can be used to develop emotional intelligence not only with children, but also with adolescents and adults.

To develop emotional competence and mastery of emotions, it is very important to improve the process of perception and emotional assessment of reality. There are two main ways of perceiving the surrounding reality and recreating its image - associated and dissociated. Associated Approach means that a person is inside the experienced situation, looks at it with his own eyes and has direct access to his own emotions. Dissociated Method allows you to evaluate the event as if from the outside, as a result of which a person loses touch with the feelings and experiences that took place in a real situation.

To stop experiencing negative emotions and discomfort, many experts recommend dissociating from the disturbing, unpleasant memory. To do this, you need to mentally get out of the situation of experience and look at this event from the outside. Watching a movie about yourself in your imagination, you can reduce the brightness of the image, replace color images with black and white. As a result of such actions, an unpleasant situation gradually ceases to excite a person, which allows you to later return to it and calmly analyze all your actions.

Very efficient and reverse procedure associations with pleasant memories. Everyone can remember many events that were associated with positive emotions and high spirits. In order to regain the freshness of joyful memories, it is enough to re-enter “inside” the once pleasant event, see it with your own eyes and try to experience the same emotions as then ( reception of visualization). Associating can also help when communicating with other people. Since in the process of communication many are associated only with unpleasant details, interaction with communication partners sometimes causes rejection. If you perform the opposite action and associate in communication with pleasant feelings, you can find a number of pleasant interlocutors.

Thus, emotions are directly dependent on thinking. Thanks to thinking and imagination, a person can have various images of the past and future, as well as emotional experiences associated with them. Therefore, the one who controls his imagination is also in control of his emotions.

In order to be able to control not only your states, but also the emotions of your communication partner, which will greatly increase your emotional intelligence, you can do the exercise "Help me calm down." A couple of people are offered some kind of emotionally intense situation. The task for one member of the couple is to relieve the tension of their partner. Situations are usually abstract or even fantastical in order to avoid the personal involvement of the participants. Time is limited to 2-3 minutes. Partner and situations change every time. At the end of the exercise, there is a discussion about what techniques the participants used to relieve tension, and which of them did it best.

For the development of emotional intelligence, similarity exercises with other people are also useful, which is one of the ways to learn to better understand yourself and others. To do this, use the task “Emphasis of commonality”: you need to mentally find 20 common qualities with a person whom you recognized a few days ago or even half an hour ago. This simultaneously develops the ability to reflect and adequate self-esteem.

To develop your knowledge of emotions and emotional states, you can develop your own Dictionary of emotions. It should have four sections: positive, negative, neutral and ambivalent (contradictory) emotions. The dictionary needs to be replenished whenever a new term is recalled to describe an emotional state.

The ability to unconditionally accept people, which, according to many authors, also applies to emotional intelligence, can be developed in a fairly simple way. To do this, you can use the exercise “Emphasis of importance”: you need to set a goal during the day at least two (three, four, five) times to emphasize the importance of those people with whom you work or communicate - to note their successful ideas, suggestions, express respect and sympathy for them.

Thus, the set of techniques and ways to develop emotional intelligence is quite rich. The choice of a specific approach depends in each individual case on the goals and those people who are involved in the work.

I sincerely hope that the experience presented in this article will be interesting and useful for teachers and psychologists in various fields.

Bibliography:

  1. Buzan T. The power of social intelligence. - Minsk: Potpourri, 2004. - 208 p.
  2. Orme G. Emotional thinking as a tool to achieve success. – M.: “KSP+”, 2003. – 272 p.
  3. Tailaker JB, Wiesinger W. IQ Training: Your Path to Success. - M.: Publishing house "AST", Publishing house "Astrel", 2004. - 174 p.
  4. Khukhlaeva O.V. The path to your I. - M .: Genesis, 2001. - 280 p.

The very phrase "emotional intelligence" seems strange and illogical to many. After all, we are accustomed to the fact that intelligence is rationality, the opposite of feelings. However, a person also has such a quality that allows him to analyze, compare, control and perform other operations, but in the sphere of emotions.

Emotional intelligence is the ability of a person to recognize their own and other people's emotions, understand the desires and motivations of other people, as well as the ability to manage their emotions. It includes the ability to empathize, awareness of one's own boundaries and respect for the boundaries of others, the ability to develop and use one's talents, to give and receive love and support. However, emotional intelligence, like any useful skill, needs to be developed.

It is a fact
For the first time, the concept of "emotional intelligence" was used back in the 70s of the XX century, but then it did not receive much resonance. Later, in the 1990s, several authors tried to develop the concept of "emotional intelligence" in their works. But, perhaps, the theory of emotional intelligence reached its heyday in 1995, when D. Goleman wrote the first popular science book "Emotional Intelligence". Today, professionals working with children note that mental intelligence (IQ) alone does not guarantee a child's happiness and success in the future.

What will give the child a developed emotional intelligence?

1. Comfortable socialization.

He will be able to better recognize the mood of others, their attitude towards him (empathy), understand what he wants (purposefulness), and look for ways to achieve this (motivation). It will be easier for such a child to build relationships, because he “feels” his people, those with whom he has something in common. And, most importantly, he will be able to understand his own feelings and desires. This is important: after all, often parents, projecting their unfulfilled dreams onto a child, impose on him activities that he does not have a soul for (playing the piano, martial arts, an art studio, etc.).

2. General well-being of the child.

A low level of emotional intelligence, as research shows, increases the risk of psychosomatic diseases. Perhaps because the child does not know how to recognize and express his negative emotions, under the influence of education drives them inside, and nervous system gives his answer...

3. Prosperity in life.

Researchers have found that about 80% of success in the social and personal spheres of life is determined precisely by the level of development of emotional intelligence, and only 20% by mental abilities. An underdeveloped EQ can ruin career prospects, ruin close relationships, and lead to all sorts of addictions. After all, emotional intelligence is how a person can cope with stress and difficulties.

4. Mutual understanding with loved ones.

It is on emotional intelligence that what is called “weather in the house” depends. The atmosphere of well-being, understanding, sincerity between parents and children directly depends on the ability to understand one's inner world, accept it and share it with loved ones. Give free rein to feelings

The development of emotional intelligence in a child can already occur “from the cradle”. It is very important for the baby to develop a sense of basic trust in the world, and the mother from the very birth (and ideally from the moment of pregnancy) should try to create an atmosphere of safety for the crumbs. Frequent carrying, quick and positive reaction to the sounds made by the baby, body and eye contact, lullabies and conversations with the child already in infancy make him understand that the world is open and friendly to him. This is the first link in the formation of positive self-esteem and optimism of the baby.

For the development of emotional intelligence, a child, first of all, needs full communication with loved ones, be it mom, dad, grandma or grandpa. This is what sometimes causes the greatest difficulty, since it is often difficult for adults to overcome the barrier that has been brought up in themselves over the years. However, it is necessary to overcome the ban on the expression of feelings and learn to manage them together with the child.

So, where to start working on educating emotional intelligence in a child? Here are some ways.

  • Rich world of emotions. It is important to teach a child to name his feelings and express them, because the baby is often not able to determine for himself what torments him, and even more so to express it. But in our language there are dozens of words denoting various shades of emotions! Reading can help your baby get to know this rich world. fiction. It's a good idea to have a dictionary or list of emotional states at home that you can refer to when describing how you're feeling and helping your child express their own: "You didn't approach your friends on the playground because you were shy."
  • Facial expressions, gestures, behavior. It is necessary to draw the attention of children to the ways in which they can recognize the emotions of others: facial expressions, intonation, gestures, behavior. Understanding what the interlocutor or partner in the game feels, the baby will be able to respond adequately to the situation. There are many games aimed at developing the ability to recognize feelings, for example, pantomime games, or lotto, where specific situations are depicted on the cards, and you and your child need to match them with the right cards with emotion words.
  • Sincerity by example. When communicating with a child, you should not be afraid to show and voice your own feelings, share situations from life, albeit not entirely attractive: “You know, I also lied to my boss that I had already done the work, and now I am very ashamed. So I'm thinking, what should I do now?" Talk to the baby, especially if you are unhappy with his behavior. Your I-message (“I feel so sad when I see the scattered toys”) will resonate faster in the child’s soul than criticism or reprimand.
  • Heard experiences. When the baby grows up and begins to express his feelings, it is important to help him with this. Try to show your attention to the child (look into his eyes, sit down to be at his level), say in the affirmative what you heard. “Vanya took my typewriter away from me!” - "You are upset and offended by Vanya and do not want to be friends with him."
  • social interaction and group games. For the baby, interaction with different people in different circumstances (with the support and closeness of parents) provides an experience of getting to know the types of temperament and ways of expressing feelings. Encourage your child to play with children different ages, introduce the baby to board games with the older generation, organize the opportunity for the baby to be in different circumstances and get new experiences (for example, ride with him not only by car, but also by bus, train).

Of course, all parents want to see their child happy. Therefore, do not forget to help the development of emotional intelligence along with other "talents" of the baby.

star parents

Natalia Lesnikovskaya, actress, Yegor (5 years old) and Mark (3 years old)

First of all, I myself try to be attentive to my sons. If Mark or Yegor suddenly fall or get hurt during a walk, I always feel sorry for them. My husband, Ivan, is fond of plant breeding. In the spring, he presented his sons with a tray, where they themselves planted seeds and looked after them. It brings up responsibility.

Irina Sashina, TV presenter, Sasha (13 years old), German (10 years old), Roma (7 years old), Mariyka (1 year old)

To cultivate sympathy, responsiveness is the task of any parent. I would really like my children to grow up kind. Therefore, when meeting with beggars (on the street, in the church ...) I explain to the children that we need to help them to the best of our ability. I am also sometimes invited to charity events, including orphanages. I have taken my sons with me many times. We also took toys together for children from the orphanage.

Becoming a specialist in feelings means mastering several skills, explains Mark Brackett, director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. First, acknowledge the emotions in yourself and others ("Yes, I'm really upset!"). Secondly, understand the causes and consequences of emotions (“Is this blues because of the weather or because of the exchange rate?”). Thirdly, accurately label what is happening (“My annoyance is due to confusion”). Fourth, express emotions in a socially acceptable way (“In this tribe, the fired tear their hair out”). Fifth, manage your emotions (“I’ll stand on my head and everything will pass”), as well as help other people cope with feelings (“I brought you tea and I’m ready to listen to you”).

Why not forget about all these emotions at all?

A hero with a strong-willed chin who successfully acts without fear or doubt is a myth. Without emotions, people will not even be able to write a test, and in general they will not come to it: there is no need. The work of the American neurologist Antonio Damasio clearly shows that by turning off emotions, a person completely loses the ability to make decisions. By and large, emotion is additional information. If a person understands what to do with it, then it helps a lot in solving various life problems.

Why is it for children

Parents tend to focus on developing academic skills. It is believed that it is more important for children to be able to produce arithmetic operations with mushrooms than to guess in time that someone will cry now. American scientists are ready to argue with this, who assure that emotional competence plays a decisive role in academic success. And this is understandable. Nearly thirty years ago, emotional intelligence pioneers Meyer and Salovey proved that the sensory realm directly affects attention, memory, learning ability, communication skills, and even physical and mental health.

Psychologists from the University of Oregon add that students with developed emotional intelligence are better at focusing, better at building relationships at school and more empathic than their unsavvy peers.

Frame from the movie Warner Bros.

How much depends on the parents

Actually, yes. Psychologists believe that parental responsiveness helps children grow emotional intelligence, as well as coaching approach to emotions: dad and mom talk about their experiences, and at the same time demonstrate by their example that with feeling you can not only bang your fist on the table, but also work. In addition, much depends on the situation in the family. The more prosperous the home atmosphere, the more likely it is to learn to recognize mood semitones by the tilt of the grandmother's head. In 2011, British scientists published a study examining the lives of 17,000 children. From it it became clear that the level of mental well-being was strongly correlated with future success.

At what age should emotional intelligence be developed?

At 2-4 years old, children fully recognize basic emotions: happiness, sadness, sadness, fear. The better the visitor kindergarten understands emotions, the more words he knows to designate them, the less behavioral problems he has.

Frame from the movie Universal

How to develop emotional intelligence in children from 2 to 7 years old

Irina Belyaeva, a psychologist and teacher at the Dom Gnoma Children's Center, recommends four steps for developing emotional intelligence in children under 7 years of age.

  • Show emotion. You can depict different feelings, draw faces, show close-ups from cartoons.
  • Name emotions. The Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence even developed a special mood scale, on the axes of which you need to mark your state and name it. It is especially important to notice happy moments: “You are very inspired. It looks like you've been inspired. I see that you are flattered,” talking with children about positive experiences, we expand their picture of the world.
  • Ask the child to portray rage, confusion and confusion.
  • Discuss personal experience. In what situations did the child experience certain emotions, what helped? At the same time, it makes sense to decipher the bodily signs: what I feel and in what particular place. Is there a pounding in my temples, is there a lump in my throat, and where did these tears come from? What does the other person's body language want to say: is he interested in listening to me or is he trying to stay awake?

It is useful to create books of emotions. The child's face with comments is pasted there. “Here I am angry and clenched my fists.” An important knowledge for a child is that emotions are not forever, they pass, change, and you can also influence them.

Shot from a Sony/Columbia film

How to develop emotional intelligence in children from 7 to 10 years old

Clinical psychologist, psychotherapist Ekaterina Blyukhterova, creator of the Home Psychology Workshop, advises the next steps.

  • Show your parental feelings. The child needs to know that dad is not just running to the pond with a changed face, but he is very, very angry that houses for hamsters were made from his shoes. “Mom is preoccupied, grandfather is euphoric, uncle is afraid of thunderstorms” - children need not only to pronounce this, but also show it with facial expressions and body language.
  • Voice the child's feelings. Even at the age of 8, it’s not easy to figure out what’s happening to you until the parent says: “I see that you can’t find a place for yourself out of frustration.” It is important to support and comfort the child.
  • Do not put a ban on children's feelings, but find a socially acceptable outlet for them. "Let's cry, and then we'll go to the closet to stamp our feet and tear napkins."
  • Use therapy stories that offer a strategy for dealing with a difficult situation for the child. “One girl also came to a new class…”

Frame from the movie Universal

How to develop emotional intelligence in teenagers

All of the above can help teenagers. What is worth paying special attention to.

  • The provocative behavior of a teenager is easily confused with emotional deafness. From the age of 12, a biological program for separation from parents begins to work in children, so teenagers do many things so that they will be told as soon as possible: “It seems you have to go!”
  • It is important for parents to recognize that the child has a lot of complex, new and tearing sensations, not to reject or devalue them. You can remember yourself at that age, talk about your experience and sympathize with the person who is going through all this now.
  • It is helpful to discuss books and films about moral dilemmas and difficult moral choices. This will help the teenager look at the world through the eyes of another person.

And what works?

Yes, it works. Research from the University of British Columbia, the University of Illinois at Chicago, and Loyola University sums up the results of emotional intelligence programs that Americans have implemented in schools and states in solidarity: children do improve mental health, social skills, and learning outcomes. And all this is useful even after years.

What to read on the topic

Psychologist Irina Belyaeva recommends books to parents "Emotional Intelligence" by D. Goleman and "Emotional Intelligence of a Child" by D. Gottman and D. Dekler. You can discuss emotions with children using the example of children's books: a game book is suitable for 3-year-olds Mikhail Yasnov "The Big Book of Emotions", book Judith Wiorst "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Bad Day", series Ruse Lagercrantz "My happy life» and Dorothy Edwards "My Naughty Sister". It is better to choose books with stories about children, rather than anthropomorphic animals, since children perceive stories about people more as stories about themselves. From the age of 5 you can reflect on the books of Oscar Brenifier, for example "What are feelings?". From 7 years old to old age - develop emotional intelligence with the help of fiction, cinema, art, even with the help of computer games. It is important to discuss with the child why there are such heroes, such pictures, such music, such color. Any good book has something to discuss: from Sasha and Masha by Annie M.G. Schmidt to Hamlet and "The Brothers Karamazov".