Tom Butler-Bowdon Don't worry about the little things... It's all the little things in life. Richard Carlson (review)

Do you worry often? The reason is at every turn: the salary is not enough and the position is not the most prestigious, I am not as handsome as I could be, as always I am not the smartest in the team, Vitka plays the guitar like that, I don’t have my own apartment or I have, but here new furniture would not hurt, let alone a car ... How much time do you spend on these experiences? Seconds, minutes, hours, weeks, years...

Is it right?

In order to understand this difficult situation, let's turn to a professional psychologist, founder and head of the Center for Practical Psychology "Sinton" - Nikolai Ivanovich Kozlov.

Allowing your soul to be ruffled by all sorts of nonsense is simply disrespectful to yourself.

One of the main qualities of wisdom is the ability to distinguish real values from imaginary ones, truly important things from trifles. One can argue about whether it is worth getting upset about serious troubles, but it is obviously foolish to get upset over nonsense. It is absurd to worry about the loss of a wallet, when each of us wastes millions of unique moments of our lives every day, wasting hours, days and years pointlessly.

“There are only three sorrows - illness, death, bad children. Everything else is trouble." Appreciate life, friendship, health, family - and do not sigh tragically: "Here, there is no closet ...".

You are a billionaire. How many millions do you value that you have life, arms, legs, eyesight, hearing (I hope you remember that not everyone has this ...)? How, having all this, can you lament the loss of a thousand rubles? If a billionaire laments this, he is either crazy or unscrupulous.

Does this not concern you?

A wise man is a cruel person. He always remembers what we would like to forget and from which we, like ostriches, hide our heads in the sand: he remembers the possibility of loneliness, poverty, death ... And it is against this background that each event acquires its real significance:

“I was sad because I didn’t have shoes
Until I saw you on the street
The man who had no legs."

In order not to confuse the little things with something else, calm down. Count to ten, breathe, try to distract yourself, stretch the time. If you can just go to bed - do it: "the morning is wiser than the evening." Ask yourself: Is the damage really great? as if he regarded what had happened calm, a wise man? how do you look at this situation in a year? in twenty years?

Maybe I have a bad memory, but now I can’t remember situations from my past that would now greatly excite and upset me. Yes, there were many, but nothing terrible. If it was so in the past, then it will be so in the future, and there is no reason to worry.

Open your eyes to the worst and accept it. Are you afraid of losing something? Imagine that this has already happened. Can you live without it? Survive? What if you never had it at all? Is it possible to be happy in this situation?

Trouble arose with the Club. Yes, the Club is very dear to me, but I can easily imagine life without it. In my life there are many things and people dear to me, but there is nothing without which it would be impossible to live.

The child is born naked and helpless. And if you ever find yourself naked and helpless, it only means that you, as a child, have a chance to start living from the beginning. The child is ready for it. And you?

Life can bring any surprises - be able to accept the inevitable. If the situation is hopeless - do not beat your head against the wall, accept what happened. Consider that you began to live from the very beginning, from this initial level. How will you live?

Everything can be experienced and you can always be happy.

IN worst case you will die: will humanity survive this? - Will survive. Well, good.

Of course, when you read a book, everything is obvious and simple, it is much more difficult to apply it in life, and every day to behave in this way is correct. In the training center "Sinton" we have created a whole training course - "Sinton-program", which includes all our unique developments. It is here that you will learn to be happy, to perceive the world and yourself richer and more correctly, and most importantly, you will learn to do this always.

Of course, no one will argue that a narrowly optimistic view of life impoverishes it just as much as a stupidly pessimistic one. As a rule, one must perceive life in its entirety, with all its pluses and minuses, exclamation and question marks, millions of mutual transitions - yes!

But “as a rule” does not mean “always and always”.

If they started to beat you with sticks and you cannot prevent it, is it worth taking the blows with sticks in their entirety? Or is it worth it for the duration of this beating, if possible, to close, to defend yourself? Shall we condemningly call this “escape from life” or a reasonable way out in a forced situation?

And if you have a black streak of life, but you don’t have the strength, isn’t it better for a while (to those who know how) to turn off your emotions so as not to “break”? Of course, this will impoverish the picture of your life, you will lose some sharp impressions, but you will not get stomach ulcers (hypertension, heart attack - whoever is predisposed to what), do not shorten your life expectancy and then you can enjoy life in all its bright manifestations longer.

If the phrase “turn off your emotions” sounds too harsh for someone, you can formulate the same thing in a different way: “change the evaluative-experiential attitude to a constructive-active one.” This means meeting difficulties and problems not with questions: “Oh, what will happen now ??” (and to have corresponding emotions trailing behind these questions), but ascertaining and active: “It is. What to do now, how to get out of the situation with the least losses?

Your feelings don't solve the problem. It is better if there is even the slightest chance to correct the situation, use it.

I learned this advice back in school, when a professor at the Moscow Engineering Physics Institute, the father of our classmate Nina Ivanova, studied mathematics with us as an optional course. He taught: “Suppose you drew an unsuccessful ticket in an exam and you don’t know it. Do not waste time on despair-experiences “Oh, why me? ..” and “What will happen now?”. You have another half an hour before the answer - use them as productively as possible. Remember everything you know and write something that is as close as possible to the answer. Think about the beginning and possible options for continuing. Focus on the business, not the worries." I remembered this, and since then this advice has helped me so many times.

It should become a lifestyle and act automatically, especially in extreme situations. The one who is confused and allows emotions to occupy the soul risks too much.

This morning, the five of us (including Sasha the nephew) went for a ride in a dugout boat and capsized when Marta, Sasha's sheepdog, decided to jump out of the boat. Deep, the children went to the bottom, the wife does not know how to swim. What is there to worry about! It was necessary to catch everyone, which Sasha and I successfully did. Then they ran to the village, stoked the stove to warm everyone (the day was not hot), then in the stories to each other they framed all this as an amusing adventure ...

Sometimes circumstances are stronger than us, and you face defeat. Well, if there is no chance of winning, do any business. Action is one of the best ways to calm down. Do what you want, just don't be sour.

I'm just lucky in this regard. I am a very busy person, so I simply don’t have time to “experience” time.

Stress, domestic problems haunt us daily. Strong man successfully copes with situations that arise in his life, but there is a category of people who are worried for any reason. Emotional and violent response to stimuli leads to overstrain nervous system, fatigue and inability to adequately act in the current situation. Many problems can simply be ignored or let go, but a competent response to stressful factors needs to be learned.

What happens to us when we are nervous

The heartbeat quickens.
Sweaty palms.
The thought process changes - it speeds up or, conversely, slows down.
Tearfulness appears.
There is a desire to drink or smoke.
We react inadequately to the situation, we enter into conflicts, we are disappointed.

How to stop reacting and worrying about little things

Every problem has its time. We often think about what has not yet happened, we begin to build in our brain a possible development of events, and in a negative way, which causes a surge of certain emotions in us. From here follows the first rule - we solve problems as they arise and stop planning their development in our imagination.
Keep yourself occupied with something: physical or enhanced mental work that is not related to the problem. Make sure you have something to do throughout the day.
Learn breathing exercises. Various breathing practices are well developed in the yoga system, where you can also learn meditation techniques that will allow you to calm emotions and learn to control yourself. Calming breathing helps even in extreme situations when you need to take a break and find the most effective solution.
Live for today. Many problems are not worth attention. Got nasty in line? And what do you care about a complete stranger and his mood. By his behavior, he only makes things worse for himself, but if you respond to his words or actions, your mood will also deteriorate. Why do you need this? Just walk or answer completely calmly and without emotions - this way you will maintain your peace of mind and prevent conflict from developing.
We are often annoyed by loved ones after a long stay with them. Understand that each person is an individual, with their own habits and needs. At the beginning of your life together, the person was the same, but you did not pay attention to minor flaws, so why did you start doing it now? Make it clear to yourself that every person has the right to freedom, character flaws and a certain way of thinking. No need to try to remake someone, it is better to do self-education.
Stop feeling guilty about what happened. Improper upbringing in childhood leads to the fact that already an adult person feels for his actions. You are not to blame for anything! You don't owe anything to anyone, and people don't owe you anything. Just live and enjoy. Yes, we are responsible for many actions, but they happened, they just need to be accepted as a fait accompli and live on.
Learn to deal with fear. The expectation of failure and danger paralyzes us, prevents us from thinking and acting effectively. Fear is an instinct, but it is needed only in dangerous situations. Are you afraid of flying? But if you count the number of accidents in air transport, it turns out that there are much fewer of them than in water or land. Are you afraid to change your life? So you will live in obscurity and financial limitations. Are you afraid to love or marry your loved one? Then he will find another partner. Do what you fear and you will feel free.
Don't twist. Our thoughts can bring the experience of the situation to the point of absurdity. An even greater danger is to worry about something that has not yet happened and is not sure whether it will happen at all. If you so want to scroll through the plot of future events in your head, then present them in the best light, the way you would like them to happen. We are able to attract situations and problems to ourselves just by thinking about them, so thoughts should be as positive as possible.
Stop worrying about what others think. In fact, other people don't care about you. It seems to us that people rejoice with us or experience, but each of us is more concerned about our own problems. Do you care about gossip? Forget about it and don't try to prove something to people, it will only get worse. Pass, smiling, past the gossips, communicate with him evenly and calmly, they are not worthy of your attention, but your peace of mind is much more important. And do not listen to the gossip that "well-wishers" tell you, just live the way you think is right.
Accept the inevitable. Much that has already happened cannot be changed. You can cry, worry for a while, but this process cannot be delayed. Set aside an evening for yourself, take stock and accept the situation as a given. It happened and it's impossible to change it.
Change what you can change. If you understand that something else can be changed in your direction, stop worrying and outline a plan of action. Calculate everything to the smallest detail, turn off emotions, they only interfere, and decide what you will do next. A clear plan will help put your thoughts and deeds in order, as well as get what you want.
Don't strive for complete perfection. Yes, you should try to do everything as best as possible, but the ideal does not exist, and the pursuit of perfection is dangerous for peace of mind. The ideal figure exists only in glossy magazines, the ideal report - in the thoughts of the authorities. Yes, you need to do your job as well as possible while it feels like a comfortable act, but if you understand that striving for the ideal brings you discomfort, it's time to slow down.
Allow yourself to make mistakes. There is no person in the world who would never make a mistake. Any mistakes are our experience, a way of mastering the world around us. Every mistake is an opportunity to learn something new about yourself or your work. There is a category of people who believe that they are not mistaken. This view of the world is dangerous because it is associated with children's fears of doing the wrong thing. If you do not see the real results of your actions and do not understand where you acted incorrectly, then in the future there may come a moment when a major mistake will really be made, which is no longer possible to correct.

Sometimes the principle of "scoring the situation" helps. The most important thing is to accept yourself, love yourself, the little things are not worth our attention, they are part of our life and nothing more. Remember, in many ways, physical health depends on emotions and psychological mood so learn to be calm and find pleasure in the little things.

Think about it. Will it really make a big difference in your life? There are worse things. Today, there is no problem that cannot be solved, no matter how complex or simple it may be. All you need is the right distribution of time and effort, and no panic.

Gather your courage and think about how you can benefit yourself from this. Look at any problem as a lesson that gives you a chance to change, to become better. Is there any point in all life's trials if you failed to learn a lesson from them?

Ask yourself:"Has the world collapsed?" The answer will often be negative. This day will end and a new one will come. In addition, it is time to learn to also take everyday problems lightly. Difficulties are an integral part of our lives, which, at times, entail temporary changes. In either scenario, frequent change can be stressful. Your success is measured by how well you respond to this stress.

Ask yourself: “Will this matter in a hundred years?” No one will remember what happened, and expanding the time limits will only help you avoid worries over all sorts of nonsense.

Bolder! Don't be afraid to face the problem head-on. Nobody knows what might happen. If your worst nightmares come true, try to find the positive in it: “In retrospect, everything seems pretty funny” or “It would be much more fun if ...” Don't be afraid, no one has died from this yet.

Learn to adequately perceive criticism, and you will see what happens. It is worth noting that the dispute will not start, and you will not feel offended. If the criticism is not constructive, then it is best to protect yourself from it by pointing out to the person his harshness.

Give laurels to others. In any dispute, immediately agree with your interlocutor. Such behavior will certainly have a positive effect on your friendship.

If you're angry at someone, try imagining that person as a child, then imagine them as a hundred year old. Think of the innocent face of a child, and now of a hundred-year-old man, as last days whose face is illuminated by the smile of those days of wisdom. This will help relieve irritation.

Save your mental energy. Spread over trifles - waste precious time in vain. Instead of a negative reaction to existing problem send the energy in the right direction.

<Встретившись с проблемой, решение которой вам не под силу, займите свое время чем-то более конструктивным. The issue may resolve itself while you are busy with other things. Even trying to take a nap can have a calming effect on you. Without suspecting it, you can suddenly light up with the necessary solution or idea. And all thanks to the fact that even in the “off” state, your brain continues to work.br>

Pause if you feel that the problem is becoming too difficult to deal with. Do not be heroic, some questions can wait.

Hello, friends.

Today you will learn how to stop worrying and also wind yourself up. I already wrote about how the tips from that article will help you not only understand how not to be nervous, but also how to finally not worry about anything. But today, in a new article, I will consider the experience from the point of view of winding myself up. By understanding how to put this mechanism of your psyche under control, you can greatly improve your life and not worry about trifles.

Natural and twisted experiences

In fact, we tend to worry. After all, we are not robots, but living people.

In a person's life there are often difficulties and troubles.

And when faced with trouble, we begin to worry.

To worry means to be protected from troubles. This turns on the instinct of self-preservation, which we need, without it we would simply die. Experience is the reaction of the psyche when the instinct of self-preservation is triggered.

Therefore, it is natural when a mother is afraid for her child if he does not return home late. A husband begins to worry about his wife when she gives birth, and it is difficult for a woman not to worry during pregnancy. We worry before an important meeting, a date, because of work, when we are fired. We fear for our lives when we are threatened. These are all examples of natural experience, and there is no need to get rid of them.

If a person simply experienced these natural feelings, then there would be nothing terrible. But not everything is so simple.

After all, what often happens then. The person begins to wind himself up. He begins not just to worry, but presents unpleasant pictures of events that have not yet come true or events that have already happened, about which he has no information. That is, he still does not know what will happen or has already happened, but he begins to imagine that a disaster has happened, everything is bad and everything like that.

It mostly happens in a negative way.

All. An uncontrollable flurry of emotions has begun, which lead to problems, take away our health, and do not allow us to take a sober look at the situation.

Why is this happening?

The egoistic mechanism of our psyche-ego is to blame for everything. she is constantly afraid of something, feels sorry for herself, wants everything to be always good and only as she needs. It's just the way it is.

The ego psyche is also afraid to experience unpleasant emotions, as a result, we are simply afraid of the negative. There is a so-called fear of fear.

For example, a mother, realizing that she is hurt by the fact that her son has not returned, begins to be afraid not only of these circumstances, but of fear itself. "How can I endure this, I will feel really bad, I will be very worried". Instead of acting calmly, she begins to hysteria, lose her head, blame someone for her troubles, without understanding the circumstances. The psyche-ego tends to represent everything negatively. It is so arranged. All sorts of fears are constantly sitting inside us, which come out at the first opportunity.

And this process is dragging on.

And if you worry too often and for a long time, then the body will work for wear and tear.

Natural experiences are not great in strength and usually do not last long, so there is little harm from them. But when we begin to worry, winding ourselves up, then emotions will be stronger and more energy-consuming. If we worry for a long time, we will definitely get sick. And also the psyche will become weaker. With new, even trifling, troubles, we will begin to worry again. It turns out a vicious circle from which it would seem there is no way out.

What to do? But there is a way out.

You just need to stop the egoistic mechanism of the psyche, which starts winding itself up. A wise, philosophical attitude to life, as well as awareness in relation to the uncontrolled emotions of experience, will help us in this.

Be wise

In order for your life to become much better and to stop worrying, winding up emotions, you need to treat it correctly, be wise.

There are wise, well-known attitudes. And they should not be treated with disdain. They are really helpful.

The correct worldview, as it were, calms the ego-psyche, puts it in its place, we really begin to worry less. Thanks to them, ours, as it were, wakes up, spreads its wings. You probably felt it yourself when you unconsciously followed these guidelines, when you had a so-called uplift, all the negativity went away, and Vital energy increased. At such moments, you just want to enjoy life, create, do the right non-egoistic actions.

This happens because the soul, where beautiful feelings dwell, has suppressed, eclipsed the selfish whims of the ego.

The ego, having subsided, stops generating negative emotions, we stop winding ourselves up. The energy that was previously spent on bad emotions is released, now it can be directed to the right actions. Consciousness is cleared, we begin to think soberly. See how everything is connected. Do you get the gist?

These are the settings:

A happy person is not the one who has only good events in his life, but the one who treats everything that happens to him correctly.

Accept calmly and with dignity any event in your life. If trouble or trouble happened, then so be it. Such is fate. It means that life wants to show you something, to teach you.

Everything in life cannot be good, there will be difficulties and failures.

Difficulties build character and make you stronger.

After the black stripe in life, a white one will definitely go. If you do not accept the hard times in your life and get upset, then the black streak will last longer.

Also accept any feeling within yourself, even if they are unpleasant. Don't be afraid of your fears. Know how to look at them without running away from them.

And other wise attitudes that I often talk about on this blog.

But for some reason, everyone knows these statements, but as soon as problems pile up on a person, he forgets about them and again makes mistakes that he has to pay for.

The thing is that in a person they are usually just in the mind. But it is necessary to feel them, to understand the deep meaning. Only then will they remain in the subconscious and at a difficult moment come out of there, save the situation.

To do this, close your eyes and slowly say these settings. Feel them with your soul, understand the inner meaning.

Well, in order to finally get rid of wound experiences, you need to learn how to control them. What are we going to do now.

How can we not worry about anything with the help of mindfulness

So, to get rid of twisted thoughts and worry less, you need to turn on.

But first of all, stop fighting with yourself, with those experiences that have washed over you. Wrestling is a form of cooperation that leads to unnecessary tension, which means even more problems, both physically and emotionally. And our task is to calm down. To do this, do not fight with experiences, but rather let them be.

It is human nature to do the opposite. He tries with all his might to get rid of unpleasant feelings, begins to fight them. It even happens unconsciously, automatically, one might say without the will of a person. As I have already said, the uncontrolled work of our psyche with its own selfish motives is to blame. She tends to be afraid, she wants to always be good and pleasant. She can't stand bad feelings and tries to hide from them. This is expressed by the fact that a person, struggling with fear during an experience, drives it deep into himself. That is, it displaces from the surface consciousness, where an unconscious person is usually located, deeper into the subconscious. But fear has not really gone away, it is doing its destructive work. And from the depths of consciousness he throws us terrible pictures of events that have not yet come true. This is one of the reasons why a person begins to wind himself up.

All this work of suppressing unpleasant feelings, the development of tension and, as a result, a flurry of new already twisted experiences, goes differently for everyone. Someone is hysterical, the other, on the contrary, falls into a stupor, the third simply does not understand what he is doing. But everyone's consciousness narrows equally, the head becomes clouded, an uncontrollable flurry of twisted emotions is generated.

To prevent this from happening, I repeat, you need to stop and stop the internal struggle.

If you follow wise guidelines, you will calmly accept not only any circumstance in your life, but also any feeling within yourself. The ability to endure any, even the most unpleasant feelings and emotions inside oneself, characterizes the degree of maturity and wisdom of a person.

Let the feelings be. Release them to freedom. Let fear be within you. You humbly understand what you are experiencing, because you are a person with vivid feelings. Continuing our example, the mother understands that she is worried about her son, she comes to terms with it.

Then just close your eyes, turn your attention inward, see what the feelings of experience do with the body. You can feel a chill in your stomach, a lump somewhere inside, or maybe even understand why they say "the soul has gone to the heels."

Thus, you allow the body to naturally worry, do not interfere with it, allow it to do what is characteristic of nature. And then the body, seeing that it is not interfered with, experiences and somehow defuses the inner fears of experiencing. You can also look at the fears themselves from the outside. Create distance between yourself and your uncomfortable feelings. And what happens next when you calmly let your body worry, and look at the feelings from the outside. Experiences will either decrease or even completely disappear. There will definitely be no twisted experiences.

Now the mother, from our example, will be able to calmly assess the situation, call someone, find out something, that is, she can really find her son, well, or humbly wait without tantrums.

If you fail to do all this the first time, do not despair, try again. The power of your awareness is, of course, still weak to stop the flow of uncontrollable emotions the first time.

If, nevertheless, the ego took over, began to throw unpleasant pictures at you, and you started cheating, you just need to catch yourself that you have lost awareness. And then close your eyes and do it all over again.

I think you will succeed.

By getting rid of unnecessary experiences, you will free up a lot of energy and be able to direct it in the right direction. Act, seek, undertake something or humbly wait. The main thing is that now you will have a clear mind, even if natural experiences remain. But the twisted ones, which create problems, will no longer be.

If you always do this when you are experiencing, you will see how much your life has begun to change in better side. And the mother from our example, after she calms down, suddenly hears a bell, runs to open the door and sees her beloved son safe and sound.

All because the law worked:

"Think about the good and good will happen".

And how can you think about the good when uncontrollable twisted experiences are piled on us. Only awareness can stop them, and then we will feel the good feelings of our soul. After all, that's where they live. And that's the only way this law works. Do you understand?

I think you have understood how to finally stop worrying, now you can start living a full life of a happy and healthy person without twisted experiences.

And at the end of the article I want to add that I myself often worried about everything before and could not stop winding myself up.

I understand those people who are looking for an answer to this question.

I was too sensitive and could not bear the stress. I couldn't help worrying about trifles.

All these experiences greatly exhausted, did not allow to live a normal life. They took strength and undermined health. Later, I began to understand the reasons for such a painful mode of mental response, and now I am sharing with you the knowledge I have gained.

My recipe is this:

You can’t just take it and stop worrying in an instant. You need to gradually increase the strength of the spirit, become stronger morally, mentally, be a wise and mature, conscious person, learn to control your emotions.

What I told you today. And, you can read separately by clicking on the link.

That's all for today.

Good luck to you.

And from the music, let's remember a wonderful composition from Enigma.

In this article, I will talk about how to stop being nervous. I will explain how to keep calm and composure in any life situation without the help of sedative pills, alcohol and other things. I will talk not only about how to suppress states of nervousness and calm down, but also explain how you can stop being nervous at all, bring the body into a state in which this feeling simply cannot arise, in general, about how to calm your mind and about how to strengthen the nervous system.

The article will be built in the form successive lessons and it is better to read them in order.

When do we get nervous?

Nervousness and jitters, this is the feeling of discomfort that you experience on the eve of important, responsible events and events, during psychological stress and stress, in problematic life situations, and just worry about every little thing. It is important to understand that nervousness has, as psychological so physiological causes and manifests itself accordingly. Physiologically, this is connected with the properties of our nervous system, and psychologically, with the characteristics of our personality: a tendency to experience, overestimation of the significance of certain events, a sense of insecurity in oneself and what is happening, shyness, excitement for the result.

We begin to get nervous in situations that we consider either dangerous, threatening our lives, or, for one reason or another, significant, responsible. I think that the threat to life, not so often looms before us, the townsfolk. Therefore, I consider situations of the second kind to be the main reason for nervousness in everyday life. Fear of failing, looking inappropriate in front of people All this makes us nervous. In relation to these fears, there is a certain psychological setting, it has little to do with our physiology. Therefore, in order to stop being nervous, it is necessary not only to put the nervous system in order, but to understand and realize certain things, let's start with understanding the nature of nervousness.

Lesson 1. The nature of nervousness. A necessary defense mechanism or a hindrance?

Our palms begin to sweat, we may experience tremors, increased heart rate, increased pressure in our thoughts, confusion, it is difficult to get together, concentrate, it is difficult to sit still, we want to occupy our hands with something, smoke. These are the symptoms of nervousness. Now ask yourself, how much do they help you out? Do they help you deal with stressful situations? Are you better at negotiating, taking an exam, or talking on a first date when you're on edge? The answer is of course not, and moreover, it can screw up the whole result.

Therefore, it is essential to be clear that a tendency to be nervous is not a natural reaction of the body to a stressful situation or some ineradicable feature of your personality. Rather, it is simply some kind of mental mechanism fixed in the system of habits and / or a consequence of problems with the nervous system. Stress is only your reaction to what is happening, and no matter what happens, you can always react to it in different ways! I assure you that the impact of stress can be minimized and nervousness eliminated. But why remove it? Because when you're nervous:

Your thinking ability is reduced and you find it harder to concentrate, which can exacerbate a situation that requires the utmost mental resources
You have less control over your intonation, facial expressions, gestures, which can have a bad effect on responsible negotiations or a date
Nervousness contributes to a faster accumulation of fatigue and tension, which is bad for your health and well-being.
If you are often nervous, this can lead to various diseases (meanwhile, a very significant part of the diseases stem from problems of the nervous system)
You worry about the little things and therefore do not pay attention to the most important and valuable in your life
Are you exposed bad habits: , alcohol, as you need something to relieve tension

Remember all those situations when you were very nervous and this negatively affected the results of your actions. Surely everyone has many examples of how you broke down, unable to withstand psychological pressure, lost control and lost. So we will work with you on this.

Here is the first lesson, during which we learned that:

Nervousness does not bring any benefit, but only hinders
You can get rid of it by working on yourself
IN Everyday life there are few real reasons to be nervous, since we or our loved ones are rarely threatened, mostly we worry about trifles

I will return to the last point in the next lesson and, in more detail, at the end of the article and tell you why this is so.

You have to set yourself up like this:

I have nothing to be nervous, it bothers me and I intend to get rid of it and it's real!

Don't think that I'm just arguing about something I have no idea myself. All my childhood, and then my youth, until the age of 24 I experienced great. I couldn't pull myself together stressful situations, worried about any little thing, even almost fainted because of his sensitivity! This negatively affected health: pressure surges, “panic attacks”, dizziness, etc. began to be observed. Now all this is in the past.

Of course, it’s impossible to say now that I have the best self-control in the world, but anyway, I stopped being nervous in those situations that plunge most people into nervousness, I became much calmer, compared to my previous state, I reached a fundamentally different level of self-control. Of course, I still have a lot to work on, but I'm on the right track and there are dynamics and progress, I know what to do.

In general, everything I am talking about here is based solely on my experience of self-development, I do not invent anything and only tell about what helped me. So if I had not been such a painful, vulnerable and sensitive young man and, then, as a result of personal problems, I would not have begun to remake myself, all this experience and the site that summarizes and structures it would not exist.

Lesson 2. How to stop being nervous for any reason?

Think about all those events that plunge you into nervousness: your boss calls, you pass an exam, you expect an unpleasant conversation. Think about all these things, assess the degree of their importance to you, but not in isolation, but within the context of your life, your global plans and prospects. What is the significance of a skirmish public transport or on the road for a lifetime, and is it terrible to be late for work and be nervous about it?

Is this something to think about and worry about? At such moments, focus on the purpose of your life, think about the future, distract from the current moment. I am sure that from this perspective, many things that make you nervous will immediately lose their significance in your eyes, turn into real trifles, which they certainly are and, therefore, will not be worth your worries.

This mindset helps a lot. stop worrying about everything. But no matter how well we set ourselves up, although this will certainly have a positive effect, it will still not be enough, since the body, despite all the arguments of the mind, can react in its own way. Therefore, let's move on and I will explain how to bring the body into a state of calm and relaxation immediately before any event during and after it.

Lesson 3. Preparation. How to calm down before a responsible event.

Now some important event is inexorably approaching us, during which our ingenuity, composure and will will be tested, and if we successfully pass this test, then fate will generously reward us, otherwise we will lose. This event can be a final interview for your dream job, important negotiations, a date, an exam, etc. In general, you have already learned the first two lessons and understand that nervousness can be stopped and this must be done so that this state does not prevent you from focusing on the goal and achieving it.

And you realize what's ahead of you an important event, but no matter how significant it is, anyway, even the worst outcome of such an event will not mean the end of your life for you: there is no need to dramatize and overestimate everything. It is precisely from the very importance of this event that the need to be calm and not to worry arises. This is too much of a responsibility to let nervousness ruin it, so I will be focused and focused and will do my best for this!

Now we bring thoughts to calmness, remove the jitters. First, immediately throw all thoughts of failure out of your head. In general, try to calm the fuss and not think about anything. Free your head from thoughts, relax your body, exhale deeply and inhale. The simplest breathing exercises will help you relax.

The simplest breathing exercises.

It should be done like this:

inhale for 4 counts (or 4 beats of the pulse, you must first feel it, it is more convenient to do this on the neck, and not on the wrist)
hold your breath 2 counts/beats
exhale for 4 counts/beats
hold breath for 2 counts/beats and then inhale again for 4 counts/beats - all over again

In short, as the doctor says: breathe - do not breathe. 4 seconds inhale - 2 seconds hold - 4 seconds exhale - 2 seconds hold.

If you feel that breathing allows you to take deeper breaths / exhalations, then do the cycle not 4/2 seconds but 6/3 or 8/4 and so on.

Only you need to breathe with the diaphragm, that is, the stomach! During times of stress, we breathe rapidly from the chest, while diaphragmatic breathing calms the heartbeat, suppressing the physiological signs of nervousness, bringing you into calmness.

During the exercise, we keep our attention only on the breath! There must be no more thoughts! It is most important. And then after 3 minutes you will feel that you have relaxed and calmed down. The exercise is done no more than 5-7 minutes, according to the sensations. With regular practice, breathing practice helps not only to relax you here and now, but also in general. puts the nervous system in order and you are less nervous without any exercise. So I highly recommend.

You can see my video on how to do diaphragmatic breathing at the end of this article. In the video, I talk about how to deal with panic with the help of breathing. But this method will also allow you to get rid of nervousness, calm down and pull yourself together.

Other relaxation techniques are presented in my article.

Okay, so we are ready. But the time has come for the event itself. Next, I will talk about how to behave during the event, so as not to be nervous and be calm and relaxed.

Lesson 4

Show calm: even if neither the emotional mood nor the breathing exercises helped you relieve tension, then at least try with all your might to demonstrate external calmness and equanimity. And this is necessary not only in order to mislead your opponents about your current state. The expression of outer peace helps to achieve inner peace. This operates on the principle feedback, not only your well-being determines your facial expressions, but also facial expressions determine your well-being. This principle is easy to test: when you smile at someone, you feel better and more cheerful, even if you were previously in bad mood. I actively use this principle in my daily practice and this is not my invention, it is really a fact, it is even written about in Wikipedia in the article “emotions”. So the more relaxed you want to seem, the more relaxed you actually become.

Watch for facial expressions, gestures and intonation: the principle of feedback obliges you to constantly look inward and be aware of how you look from the outside. Do you seem too tense? Are your eyes not running? Are the movements smooth and measured or abrupt and impulsive? Does your face express cold impenetrability or can all your excitement be read on it? In accordance with the information about yourself received from the senses, you correct all your body movements, voice, facial expression. The fact that you have to take care of yourself already in itself helps you to gather and concentrate. And it's not just that with the help of internal observation you control yourself. By observing yourself, you focus your thoughts at one point - on yourself, do not let them go astray and take you in the wrong direction. This is how concentration and calmness are achieved.

Eliminate all markers of nervousness: what do you usually do when you are nervous? Are you fiddling with a ballpoint pen? Are you chewing on a pencil? Tie in a knot thumb and the little toe of the left foot? Now forget about it, keep your hands straight, do not often change their position. We do not fidget in a chair, we do not shift from foot to foot. We continue to take care of ourselves.

Take your time: haste, fuss always sets a special nervous tone. Therefore, do not rush even if you are late for a meeting. Since any haste very quickly knocks down composure and a calm attitude. You begin to nervously rush from one to another, in the end you only provoke excitement. No matter how you are rushed, do not rush, being late is not so scary, better save your nerves. This applies not only to important meetings: try to get rid of the rush in every aspect of your life: when you are going to work, riding in transport, doing work. It is an illusion that when you are in a hurry, you achieve results faster. Yes, the speed increases, but only slightly, but you lose a lot in composure and concentration.

That's actually all. All these principles complement each other and can be summed up in the call " watch yourself". The rest is particular and depends on the nature of the meeting itself. I would only advise you to think about each of your phrases, take your time with an answer, carefully weigh and analyze everything. You don't have to try to impress in every possible way, you will impress if you do it right and don't worry, work on the quality of your performance. No need to mumble and get lost if you were taken by surprise: calmly swallowed, forgot and move on.

Lesson 5. Calming down after a meeting.

Whatever the outcome of the event. You are on edge and still experiencing stress. Better take it off and think about something else. All the same principles work here that helped you pull yourself together before the meeting itself. Try not to think a lot about the past event: I mean all sorts of fruitless thoughts, and if I spoke like this and not like that, oh, how stupid I looked there, oh, I'm a fool, but if ...! Just get rid of all thoughts from your head, get rid of the subjunctive mood (if only), everything has already passed, put your breath in order and relax your body. That's it for this lesson.

Lesson 6. You should not create reasons for nervousness at all.

This is a very important lesson. Usually a significant factor in nervousness is the discrepancy between your preparation for the upcoming event. When you know everything, are confident in yourself, then why should you worry about the result?

When I studied at the institute, I missed a lot of lectures and seminars, I went to exams completely unprepared, hoping that I would carry it through and somehow pass it. As a result, I passed, but only thanks to the phenomenal luck or kindness of the teachers. Often went to retakes. As a result, during the session, I experienced such unprecedented psychological pressure every day due to the fact that I was trying to prepare in a hurry and somehow pass the exam.

During the sessions, an unrealistic amount was destroyed nerve cells. And I still felt sorry for myself, I thought that’s how much everything had piled up, how hard it was, eh ... Although it was my own fault if I had done everything in advance (I didn’t have to go to lectures, but at least the material for preparing for the exam and passing I could provide myself with all the intermediate control tests - but then I was lazy and I was not at least somehow organized), then I would not have to be so nervous during the exams and worry about the result and that I would be taken into the army if I I won’t hand over something, as I would be confident in my knowledge.

This is not a call not to miss lectures and study at institutes, I'm talking about the fact that you need to try yourself Do not create stress factors for yourself in the future! Think ahead and prepare for business and important meetings, do everything on time and do not delay until the last moment! Always have a ready-made plan in your head, and preferably a few! This will save you a significant part of the nerve cells, and in general will contribute to great success in life. This is a very important and useful principle! Use it!

Lesson 7

In order to stop being nervous, it is not enough just to follow the lessons that I have outlined above. It is also necessary to bring the body and mind into a state of rest. And the next thing I will talk about will be those rules, following which you can strengthen the nervous system and experience less nervousness in general, be calmer and more relaxed. As a result, you will understand how to stop being nervous. These methods are focused on the long term, they will make you less stressed in general, and not just prepare you for a responsible event.

Firstly, in order to correct the physiological factor of nervousness, and bring the nervous system to a state of rest, you need to regularly. It is very good for calming the nervous system and calming the mind. I wrote a lot about this, so I won't dwell on it.
Secondly, go in for sports () and carry out a set of measures that support recovery (contrast shower, healthy eating, vitamins, etc.). In a healthy body healthy mind: your moral well-being depends not only on mental factors. Sport strengthens the nervous system.
Walk more, spend time outdoors, try to sit less in front of the computer.